Friend bringing DD on lunch date.

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My good friend is back from overseas for a week to see her family. She comes periodically. Her parents live close to me and this time she has brought her DD 16.
we arranged a while ago to spend the day together this week, I’m off work. We were looking at different things to do. With the weather we decided a nice lunch out in country and maybe a walk if dry. Then she tells me she is bringing her DD16.
I dotn know if this is just me but we all know we can’t say what we want or discuss what we want round our kids. I wouldn’t think of asking my kids (same age) on girls date.
is this just me or do other people find it strange ???
her DD hasn’t seen the grandparents for a while so wondering why she doesn’t want to spend time with them ?
maybe its me but it’s put a dampener on it.
AIBU ???

Of course you can discuss these kind of things in front of her, she'll either be interested in your holiday plans and listen or will be bored and scroll on her phone.

So now people shouldn't have the audacity to be proud of their children & want friends to spend time with them & witness their progress as teenagers as opposed to young children. The mind boggles with some of the attitudes on this thread to young people.

There are some very weird points of view on this thread! Wanting to see how the DD has developed into a young woman etc 🤦‍♀️🤣🤷‍♀️

OP. I wouldn’t go.
I wouldn’t be spending my hard-earned money on a lunch with someone else’s teen. (She’d probably expect you to go halfers!)

If you can’t bring yourself to explain why you don’t want to go, just make up an excuse.
A bad headache.
D&V.
A burst pipe.
Anything.

And then you can be better prepared for the next time!

I sometimes write down what I want to say in an awkward conversation. So that I can read it out. It helps!

Nothing strange about it but if you’re unhappy then say something.

Yes, the development into a young woman was 🤔

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I've seen some 'reaching' on MN but this takes the biscuit!

That is a seriously weird POV.
I am extremely proud of my DC but I wouldn’t be taking them along to lunch if I was catching up with a friend from overseas.

I go out with DC2 a LOT; cinema/theatre/concert/dinner. (DC1 and DH are always invited!)

Sometimes, I’ll get an extra ticket for a friend and she knows my DC very well. They get on really well.

We’ll have a great time but I wouldn’t take him along to a chatty catch up. Although we’d all be perfectly comfortable with each other, it just wouldn’t be the same as just my friend and me.

@Poppingby

what reasons?

I'm very proud of my adult DC. However, when they were teenagers they were quite independent and didn't really want to hang out with me and a friend if we were meeting up for coffee/lunch. They tended to prefer their own age group unless we were going out en famille.

Typical example of making up your own narrative,either that or not smart enough to get the point. Thankfully the posters who added the thumbs up are not so crass.

FFS! All this Drayton’s of nothing. There’s a really simple solution to this. Just speak to your friend. Are you scared of her?

Exactly! I mean, these threads kill me. I get that it’s an ‘indirect’ culture, but you had an empire, for heaven’s sake.

It’s not complicated. Just say you’d prefer to catch up without your fruebd’s daughter. The world won’t end.

Or could be the mother.

My own mother would make me go with her when I was a teen when I rather be at home by myself where I could either read, watch tv, or play computer games.

Instead, I would be sitting there reading a book instead while her and a friend talked.

I figured it was her way of killing two birds with one stone, say she spent ‘time’ with me and spent time with a friend.

The op has said several stuff she’s inappropriate stuff to discuss in front of a kid, if you feel she doesn’t correct her not me,

This! I think it would be more odd if she was to leave her daughter on her own in a foreign country...?

🤣
The only thing that’s crass here is YOU and your weird attitude.
I’m fond of my friends’ DC and I’d be happy for them to come along on certain outings, e.g. cinema etc.

I’ve no burning desire to go for a catch up lunch with them.
I’d find it weird if they wanted to come along.

As a 16 year old, I got on well with my mum’s friends and my friends’ mums.
It wouldn’t have occurred to me in a million years to go for lunch with them.

I had my own friends and I was perfectly capable of entertaining myself.

It's not a foreign country. They live overseas, but are back visiting family.

I agree with this. Your friend on your suggestion of a spa day, said 'Oh no my daughter wouldn't like it'. From that statement alone, it's obvious that your friend is bringing her daughter. You didn't pick up on that statement, only thinking it was an odd one to make! It wasn't, if your friend intended to bring her daughter from the start! You missed the obvious. The fact her daughter is coming, wasn't dropped on you at the last minute at all. You finally understood at the last minute!

You have two choices: 1. Suck it up, and make the best of the situation or 2. Be honest with your friend, and say you'd prefer an adult only day out.

Your friend is on holiday, so rearranging isn't possible. You also need to be aware that if you tell your friend you want an adults only day out, that she pulls the plug on seeing you full stop.

I have a friend who does this. She thinks it perfectly ok to bring her teenage daughter on a night out with a group of mid fifties women! When I was a teenager I was out clubbing or hanging out with friends - I cannot imagine ever wanting to hang out with my mums friends . . .
Maybe ask if you can reschedule so it’s just you 2?

Glad you knew what I was trying to say even though I made a massive typo 😂

Exactly 🤞🥰

Oh god that’s worse than this! I wouldn’t like it on a night out!!

Suck it up is what’s it going to have to be I think as no way do I want to upset / offend her . Just more aware if this happens again.

Inappropriate can be anything . Eg we wanted to discuss our next girls holiday do we need a 16 year old knowing flight cost hotel cost
who is coming, what we are doing. We don’t need to include kids in any of these sorts of conversations

God! I'd rather have stayed in and watched TV! What's going on?!