To think he’s too old for her

[BeGreySnake]

I have 3 children, eldest is 17 and in 6th form. She is 18 in April.
She is quite a quiet and studious girl, good group of friends, she is learning to drive and works part time. I know she has had boys who she’s liked but there’s been no boyfriends that I have known of.
About a month ago she went out to a pub and saw friends from the year above, who work together and who were out with their colleagues. One of these colleagues started chatting to my daughter and they hit it off. He is 27.
They have been somewhat inseparable ever since. I haven’t met him, but I have invited him over so hopefully I will get to soon. He has his own place so they tend to go there if they’re not out.
Its hard as she is smitten and I can’t say he has done anything wrong as such, but I just struggle with why an adult would want to date a school girl (albeit one who will be an adult in a few months). I have had the usual chats about being careful/contraception etc.

I do think 14 is probably too young to be sexually active - the maturity to handle a sexual relationship lags very far behind the hormones at that age.

At 15, I was propositioned by a very handsome guy in his twenties at a family party. I was slightly flattered and excited, mostly shocked and revolted (I obviously declined!).

At 18 I was happy shagging guys in their mid-twenties though.

You think 14 & 18 is ok?

vile.

In your opinion.

Of course you're going to chime in with 'great post!' because they're saying something you agree with....... Mind you, you're probably chuffed to ribbons to find someone who agrees with you, seeing as most people on this thread don't.

It's rank isn't it? 😖

But this is the poster who said she feels 'sad' for people who never experienced being a lusty wench at 14. 🤮 Actually made me throw up a bit in my mouth.

Also said they've got a daughter. Beggars belief.

I don't know a single woman, (especially a mother of daughters) who would speak like this.

.

You are ignoring a lot of posts there.

I'd be grateful if you could stop your campaign to stop me posting on this thread now please.

It is because I have a wonderful memory of what it felt like to be that age. Best if you never travel to Italy, Germany and a number of other rank-and-vile European countries where 14 year olds are considered legally mature enough to have sex

I can't see my German friend being very amused at the thought of an adult man having sex with her young teen daughter though tbh. That's just too young.

There is no campaign by that poster.

Exactly. Gotta laugh at that poster who thinks saying the age of consent in Germany and Italy is 14 is some kind of 'gotcha!' Hint: it's NOT. It's still vile and grim for anyone in their late 20s to be having sex with a teenage girl. 17 is bad enough, but 14 is sickening.

And I have been to those countries. 🙄 I've been to many countries.

76 countries have 16 as the age of consent... Too many to list...

The age of consent is even older in some other countries. It's 18 in ...

India
Turkey
Vatican City
Malta
Uganda
South Sudan
Rwanda
Kenya
Tanzania
Ethiopia
Tunisia
Burundi
Argentina
Egypt
Vietnam
Hong Kong (Special Administrative Region)
United States
Malaysia
Phillipines
Indonesia

And quite a few more.

Not that many have it as 14.

HTH.

Thank you. Very odd comment from @Imdunfer Clearly aimed at someone else.

Saw a quote the other day that I wish I'd seen when I was 16 - "he doesn't think you're mature, he thinks you're easy to manipulate". He's a creep, sorry. Very likely he's filling her head with how "grown up" she is, how different she seems to other girls, blah blah blah, all the usual rhetoric. I personally would be only letting them see each other at my house, not at his, but that particular horse has bolted it seems. 100% you need to meet him. Your daughter thinks she's a grown-up but she's not and this situation, though obviously very delicate, does need your intervention. I'm really sorry for you; this is not an enviable position to be in at all - I would be devastated.

Sorry, just woken up and confused about who said what and who was defending who.

It was you and it was how I felt when I wrote it. You've been picking away at my posts for a while. Including earlier accusing me of having "an agenda", which frankly is a pretty nasty accusation on a thread with this subject matter.

You’re view is disgraceful and disgusting tbh and I’m not entertaining someone who thinks an adult is ok to have sex with a 14 year old child

Disgusting, I remember I was 17 nearly 18 and a very mature looking 15 year old said he was 18 and we kissed, when I found out he was 15 I felt ill and that was the 90s

most normal adults don’t want to have sexual relationships with a teenager

It would be unusual for an 11 year old to have an adult’s body, but at 17 the vast majority of people do have adult bodies. There is a difference mentally between a ‘child’ of 11 -14 and a 17- 18 year old. This isn’t to say they are not vulnerable but they aren’t children anymore. They can leave home and get married if they want…

This thread is like stumbling into the twinset-and-pearls 1950s. I got the 'boys are only after one thing' rubbish from my own Mum but she was OK with 15-yr-old me going out with the 21 year old. He worked in a record shop and played guitar. How could any spotty schoolboy my own age compete with that allure? I regarded sex as fun, not some lifelong commitment.
Most parents today seem to have no inkling that the 'only after one thing' can apply to girls too. Maybe not so much, but not all of us are romantics

Just to be very clear, I am aware 11 year olds and 17 year olds are very different. My comment was imply based on the poster who said ‘physically an adult‘ which actually applies to many children.

God, when I was at school any 17 year old girl who snogged a boy in the year below, never mind TWO years below would have been either mocked by the whole year or thrown up when she found out how young he was.

@Harry12345 I went out with someone who lied about his age by two years! He was at a different school so I was none the wiser. I was 15 and he was 14, turned 15 while we were together, but he'd told me he was 17. I mean I wouldn't have minded, it was only a ten month gap so not sure why he lied.

You may have found this to be a positive experience but ask yourself when you reached 21 years of age, would you have gone out with a 15 year old school boy?

I think we can all agree that majority of men are programmed to find younger women attractive, but still doesn’t mean they should have sex with 15/16/17 year olds. The potential for manipulation and emotional harm for a teenager with a significant age gap is too high.

Yes it happened in the past but we don’t live in our grandparents era anymore where women’s inferior status to men was universally accepted.

In 2026 we should be questioning whether the law should actually permit an adult to have sex with a 16 year old. Yes there are safeguards in place to stop teachers etc and for 16/17 yr olds in care, but that doesn’t stop the creepy neighbour and the nearly 30 yr old male.

Some EU countries do have lower age limits but if you actually look more closely, for many of them there will still be safeguards and exceptions in place to stop exploitation of minors.

No, undoubtedly not. But that's not through any moral issue. I wouldn't have found it sexually appealing. By 21, I was long past 'dating'--I'd bummed around Spain and lived in a hippy squat in London for 2 years. Those experiences give you a very different outlook on life.
As my glory days were the 1970s, you'd probably pigeonhole me in the grandparent era. I can assure you that many of us did not accept we had an inferior status to men.

I think it’ll be a good idea to meet him in a neutral place

It’s interesting. She doesn’t stay there, but he brings her home each night.

I was 18 and with a 28-year-old he didn’t last for long and I’m embassy maybe five years later and thinking oh my God in his Middle 30s and looks so old

Who knows if they will Stay a couple or not

As with all of these threads you need to keep the door opened so communication so that she can talk to you if she feels she needs to

Is he waiting for her?to be 18 before she stay over

You seem to be saying that different societal norms applied to the goose that shouldn't remotely apply to the gander, by a stretch of many more years.

I was referring directly to what a previous poster wrote about her own experience.

Age 14

Austria
Germany
Italy
Portugal
Hungary
Bulgaria
Albania
Serbia
Montenegro
North Macedonia
Bosnia and Herzegovina
Liechtenstein
San Marino
China
Bangladesh
Brazil
Colombia
Peru
Ecuador
Paraguay
Bolivia

Angola — 12
Niger — 13
Nigeria — some sources report 11, but laws vary and the national legal position is complicated.
Burkina Faso — 13
Chad — 14
Cape Verde — 14
Madagascar — 14