To think he’s too old for her

[BeGreySnake]

I have 3 children, eldest is 17 and in 6th form. She is 18 in April.
She is quite a quiet and studious girl, good group of friends, she is learning to drive and works part time. I know she has had boys who she’s liked but there’s been no boyfriends that I have known of.
About a month ago she went out to a pub and saw friends from the year above, who work together and who were out with their colleagues. One of these colleagues started chatting to my daughter and they hit it off. He is 27.
They have been somewhat inseparable ever since. I haven’t met him, but I have invited him over so hopefully I will get to soon. He has his own place so they tend to go there if they’re not out.
Its hard as she is smitten and I can’t say he has done anything wrong as such, but I just struggle with why an adult would want to date a school girl (albeit one who will be an adult in a few months). I have had the usual chats about being careful/contraception etc.

Happy, no. But you can't stop a determined 15 year old and the 21 year old isn't always mature enough to turn away. There's a lot of naivety on this forum about what some young women are up to. That is not to say that grooming and bad men don't exist, they do, far too many of them. I don't automatically think the OPs daughter's boyfriend is one just because of his age, Mum needs to meet him to be sure, but it's a real risk she'll drop her career plans and that would be a huge mistake.

I remember being 18 at uni and one of my housemates had a 29 year old boyfriend. When he came to visit… the rest of us would be out as much as possible. It was clear he had a penchant for teens put it like that.

I cant stand these what seems to me to be passive-aggressive comments like 'happy?' when somebody announces they've been in age gap marriage for decades.

It's obviously passive-aggressive because who would post that they'd been married for 40 years unless it was happy!

If people were unhappy and married for 40 years they'd hardly post here in a positive way.

Relevant because what if the poster responds

“no, he completely monopolised me and treated me like a child”

Well he’s way too old and unlikely to have decent intentions. There’s just no way a teenage girl is attractive to a fully grown man unless he’s a creep. This would be different if he were under 21. Also don’t think a 10 year age gap is an issue once both parties are over 21 minimum. Anything under that is creepy territory. I’m 33 and I teach 18-22 year olds primarily, they are basically children.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the majority of men are attracted to attractive teenage girls, the only difference between them all is whether they act on it.

There's an enormous amount of denial on this forum about basic human biology.

Got any sources that say the majority of men are attracted to teen girls?

Life and basic biology.

I disagree.
Surely that would be included in their first post.

Nobody says 'I've been married for 40 years' unless it's a statement of positivity on threads like these.

And surely after 40 years of marriage a woman is no longer a child, anyway.

Who knows
hence the question

And many couples married for decades get their pleasure from the length rather the the actual marriage. My in laws being a case in point.

If this is true then the majority of men are creeps.

Whatever. I maintain that anybody who says I've been married for 40 years here unless they go on to say but it's been miserable probably mean it's been a happy one.

No, they aren't. They are simply human beings, who like all primates have a biological drive to reproduce. That isn't creepy, it's just nature.

This forum is horribly squeamish about it, but then again it's a very anti-male forum.

How on earth could anybody consider young women aged between 18-22 to be children?

Some of these comments defy belief.

What do they do together? Are they just back at his place having sex? Or do they share any interests, go to a film, out for a meal or a walk?

Calling a 27 yo man's attraction to a school girl 'biological' is just apologism to make the pursuit seem natural, inevitable or acceptable. Even if they cannot immediately distinguish a girl's age, most men have the decency to work out what is appropriate / deeply selfish and what is not. This comment is not anti-male.

It is natural. The pair are mutually attracted having met in a pub. It really isn't unusual in the real world outside Mumsnet.

Even if some men are "biologically" attracted to young girls they to resist these urges and direct their sexual energy at grown women instead of children.

I am 55 and know a hell of a lot of people. I don’t know of any 27y creeps dating school kids. I hear about this revolting stuff on MN only.

It happens, or course it definitely happens!

You seem to be determined to spectacularly miss the point of concern most other people on the thread (aside from you and @TotaleclipseinFrance ) are acutely aware of. As to your motivation or conscience, who knows.

Yes, she can do both of those things and still not have a predator 10 years her senior dating her.

She's 17. He's 27. If you think that's normal, I'm guessing you don't have a teenage daughter?

Its a huge difference. My in laws had a ten year gap and had a long and happy marriage. But my mother in law was 19 at the time so a couple of years makes a difference. Also back in the day maybe things were different I don't know. My daughter is the same age as yours and I too would be upset. Hopefully it will fizzle out.

If you actually read my posts I haven't missed any points.

My friends have a 16 year age gap and have been blissfully married for almost 40 years. Age gap relationships aren’t always sinister.