DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

You can’t work from home and look after kids so your dh is not unreasonable.
However, not sorting something else out is something you’ve both messed up on.

can you split the holidays so half the days off each. Or split days/change hours so one of you works from 7-1 and one from 1 to 7 and then a couple of hours each in the evening to make up the rest of the time.

alternatively is a short term nanny an option?

i get it’s tough but working from home and having them home is not the answer.

Your employers are paying you to work, not look after your children.
One of you should be taking leave or have childcare already arranged that can cope with children with SEN.

Divorce and he can have them half the time?

I'm surprised this hasn't been zapped yet 🤔 I expect my comment will be though.

What do you normally do before and after school? We had a lovely childminder who would also help out during school holidays and it enabled both of us to keep our jobs. A childminder may be more flexible than an after school club with SEN.

So you basically have a shit husband and father. He has no interest in parenting and thinks his job is more important. You are unreasonable for letting the situation get so out of hand. You have 3 kids, so surely this isn't the first time he is behaving so entitled. Didn't you learn any lessons after kids 1 and 2? And what are you going to do about things now? You should have really had this conversation a week or two before. It's time to have serious talk about responsibilities and respect.

I bet neither of your works know that you're doing this, seeing as it is not allowed in most companies?

And people wonder why employers want workers back in the office...

Maybe you should have that discussion with your own line manager and see how it goes?

Feels like there’s a concerted attempt to make people who work from home look like slackers at the moment. Get childcare and stop ruining it for everyone who works diligently according to their contract terms.

Just go out and work from a coffee shop and leave him to deal with them. Might shock him into action.

Why have 3 kids if you can’t get child care? Seems crazy to me. After your 1st SEN child you must have realised this was always going to be an issue yet you went on and had 2 more. It’s people like you and your DH that give wfh a bad name.

Just coming to suggest this. But honestly, you need to find a sen trained carer for holidays. Have you talked to local authorities at all?

If I had to bet - I’d say she was a civil servant or public sector- I speak from bitter experience. . .

Annual leave and parental leave, you can both request it. Absolutely no way should you have three children at home when you’re working. Shite for the kids too.

Your “dh” is useless . Why is his job more important than yours? If you have children with sen do you get dla? Could you use their dla money to purchase extra annual leave ?

Can we have an acronym for First Post Nails It? FPNI?

Ypu should both be working get some childcare !

Tell him if he doesn’t book holiday to split the childcare you will quit your job.

Don’t actually do that obviously!

He sounds very self important.

I wfh, my DS is 12 now and entertains himself but while he was in primary school I paid for childcare as there was no way I was having him at home while I or my DH worked

You are right that it’s as much his responsibility as yours so any time with kids knocking about should be split 50:50. So each take a turn at the kitchen table and in the bedroom.

But honestly I refuse to have my youngest who has SEN at home whilst working. I took a week of unpaid leave last week for this reason.

This is an unsustainable situation.
Your respective employers will expect you to be working.
You need to both take it in turns to take annual leave, ask friends and family members for favours/swap care with them, consider different arrangements for each child individually e.g. one of your children may not cope at a holiday club but the others might etc
Its not easy no. I have worked from home for many years and have 2 kids who are both Audhd who struggled being together in childcare settings (triggering each other), but coped well independently. They are both older teens now so no longer an issue, but i remember how hard the logistics were when they were younger so you do have my sympathy.
Your husband isn't being unreasonable by not caring for them when working from home but he should be helping to come up with a better solution all round.

🎯 ?

Turn off the electric fom the motherboard in the area of the house where he works (upstairs)
Tell him if you cant get work done nor can he.

Why didn't you both book days off and share the time with your kids? Isn't that normal behaviour when kids are off? Arrange a day with grandparents etc..