DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

It's more unfair on their employers surely?

they both should be working not childminding

Neither of you should be juggling childcare while working from home. My colleague has an SEN son and has to make arrangements for him in the holidays as our employer does not allow this.

What does your employer advise? @Beckyboo8
Are they willing to pay you half of your salary for this week, so that you can spend the other half of the time looking after your children?

If not, maybe your husband's employer would be open to doing this?

Nope. There is plenty of middle ground.

If the work is flexible hours then there are enough ours in the week to tag team with eachother. My work is more flexible so I often top up in evenings and work the weekend whilst husband does stuff with them at weekend. Or he takes a morning off and I work, then he works afternoon and I have it off and we both work the evening.

We do manage now they are older to do some work whilst they are around, but this is for the very occasional hour, not all day every day.

You are unreasonable in your incessant use of exclamation marks.

What kind of wfh job do you have? Are you speaking to people in zoom meetings or anything?

I wfh mostly too but I have a weekly deadline and unless I have a call planned I would be able to work around children, but mine are grown up and have jobs of their own.

He needs to step up.

I get this op I really do, but working from home with three kids is ridiculous, even without additional needs. If either of your employers fund out your jobs could well be at risk. You need to find childcare or use annual leave or careers leave. Sorry but your husband isn't being unreasonable, he's being realistic.

Thats not your employer's problem though is it? My colleague with similar issue (one SEN child and one not) has to work through this every year with a difficult ex partner, because as I said upthread, our employer does not allow childcare while WFH- because you are meant to be...working.

If they can’t go to holiday club or nanny etc, you need to take annual leave or parental leave…

Spot on. Pretty weedy attempt, really.

Well Op. He’s an absolute cunt of the highest order. Who does he think he is saying his job is more important.
Sorry you have to deal with this twat. Arrogant twerp.
This would turn me right off someone. Thank god my DH was never like this and always took time off for our DD.
Maybe divorce him and then he has to have HIS children 50% of the time. Serve him right. Cunt!!!

So you both work full time in senior jobs but only you have to juggle work and 3 kids with sen?

Has he always been such a shitty disappointment?

Very annoying. This is giving me flashbacks to COVID home schooling with 5 and 6 year old :) my husband and I were fairer about it and it was still super stressful.
You may need to be very blunt here: does he want you to lose your job? If not, then you need to compare agendas and figure out who is in meetings when etc. Or if you both have well-paid jobs, get childcare in the home during holidays

you need to sort childcare. childminder, club or split annual leave.

Neither of you should be working and doing childcare at the same time. It's defrauding your employers and is gross misconduct. Your DH is quite right to refuse and you should too. Both of you should be tag-teaming and taking a couple of days annual leave this week and getting 3 days of work done while the other does childcare.

either suitable childcare or you both take time off this week, half each or alt days to look after them. It is not fair on the work and your colleagues

Hmmm

You can not work and look after 3 children. You need to make arrangements to have paid child care or you take holiday or unpaid leave. How you and your husband organise this is up to you.

This.

And what you want isn't acceptable either OP - your way, both of you are at risk of losing your jobs because you’re not actually working if you’re looking after your kids.

this is what unpaid parental leave is for, up to the age of 18 you can take unpaid leave to care for them (both of you) which would be comparable to paying for childcare for 3.....

You get a nanny in. You can’t work and look after 1 kid, let alone 3 with SEN. If I found out one of my employees was doing that, I’d be giving a formal
warning

I actually have no sympathy. Your post is full of exclamation marks as if we are all going to be shocked by the dramatic revelation that your OH won’t help with the childcare. I bet it’s no shock to you though, you probably knew this would be the case.

Both in senior management positions? You could afford childcare. You knew school holidays were coming up. If you have run out of AL then you need to take unpaid leave, either or both of you, at various times during the year.

You chose to have 3 children.

You chose to have senior management positions.

Do what everyone else has to do and find a solution and stop with the outrage.

No, he shouldn’t do more to ‘help’

and neither should you 🤷‍♀️

you take holiday, hire a temporary nanny etc - if he’s got such a ‘big important job’ then you have to add the cost of the nanny in !

The thing is it's not just Sen families who have this struggle. Plenty can't afford holiday clubs or the kids can't/won't go or there aren't any available.

And you can't properly look after 3 kids whilst trying to work. Doing so will (rightly or wrongly) very likely put one of both jobs at risk, which isn't going to help anyone. They need to find childcare (child minder, nanny, network etc) or use annual leave or carers/parenteral leave.

So so unfair on those of us colleagues picking up the slack for them at home doing fucking childcare
Hate, hate, hate it!
I work for the LA and I wash wish wish wish parents had to evidence their childcare arrangements and get spot checks or be hailed into office.
I have enough of my own sodding work to do with vulnerable families let alone picking up slack for someone else’s lack of productivity while they are doing proxy childcare.
we all notice it
we all resent it