DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

Neither of you should be taking care of 3 children whilst working. Pay for a babysitter or childminder like everyone else.

You're cheating your employer.

3 kids with Sen is too much for anyone to cope with whilst trying to actually work. How are you even working?
It's not up to your husband "to help" they're his children. He's not helping, he just needs to be a dad.
If you both used your al jo it would cover most of the holidays. Why's won't be do that? Why are you still with him if he thinks you should do everything yourself?

Threaten to quit your job and he will have to be the provider. If you split he will have to pay to maintenance or have them 50/50 so will have to provide care anyway.

Agreed

It's not great but realistically, in the UK in 2026 those are the options, yes. Along with one parent freelancing or working term time only, extended family help and swaps with friends.

I also have a SEN child who couldn't always tolerate holiday clubs.

School holidays don't come as a surprise though and were always going to be a challenge with three.

38 weeks in school
14 weeks holiday a year
guess that’s 5 weeks each and 2 weeks special leave each if flexible working isn’t possible

You and/or your DH should have booked annual leave or unpaid leave.

You need to work out at the start of the academic year who’s taking which weeks AL. And then you tell him which weeks he needs to book off and then check that he’s done that. Annoying AF to be the manager of the problem but that’s what you need to do. And if your combined split annual leave doesn’t cover it then you need to pay for childcare. A childminder or a nanny would probably be better than a holiday club - find one and then book them in for the weeks you both beee to be at work.

You have a DH Problem here. I can't believe he would be this selfish- although in the world of SN there seem to be even more deadbeat dads than in the nt world.
Can social services help you with any childcare provision for children with SN, or possibly even direct payments so you can pay someone to help out?

One way or another though DP needs to realise he needs to pull his socks up and put a shift in here if you are to hold down your job.

Exactly! What would have happened pre-WFH times?

You’re both being ridiculous. If I didn’t know better I’d think you were my Line Manager who has just tried to discuss something with me but is plagued by three kids under 10 so we cut it short.

What age are they?
What was it like when you only had one child? Did he cooperate then?

You, as a couple, need to take unpaid leave or book childcare. It’s as simple as that.

Your H’s attitude stinks but that’s not the cause of the problem.

The mistake was letting him have the box room. And I can’t believe you’re only ‘now’ getting fed up after 3 kids. I’d bet my life savings he’s always been a selfish cunt with no respect for you.

this isnt a child care problem. its a relationship problem. arent they his kids as well? what would he do if you couldnt "work" from home? I suggest you sort out your relationship with him and the fact that these are your children both of yours. and reading posts like this its little wonder the uks productivity is dipping and so many employers want employees back full time in the workplace. looking after 3 SEN children whilst apparently holding down a full time job is ridiculous. you said he always does this so why has this come as a surprise?

I voted yabu because you should have sorted childcare in advance rather than either of you try and wfh with small children around.

Either one/both take annual leave, family member takes care of them or they go into holiday clubs. Ridiculous.

What do you normally do in the school holidays?

In our local area there are very few holiday clubs so parents have to share leave to cover school holidays or find other paid solutions

Baffling that two 'senior managers' have got to midday on the first day of half term and not sorted this out between them. What have you done for other school holidays?

"I've been called into the office from Wednesday - there are some [x] happening at short notice and my boss is on leave as it's half term.

"I'll cover off Monday and Tuesday, you'll need to figure out the rest of the week."

Life sucks - didn’t you know?

Then you have answered your own question. If you cannot find childcare due to their SEN and you and your husband should NOT be looking after them whilst working, then you should have asked for parental leave.

But your husband is being very selfish in prioritising his own needs over that of his family. He is selfish and you are naïve to have not sorted this before so you are both being unreasonable.

You can't work whilst looking after your kids you just can't, your employer is paying you to work!
Yes it's equally your DHs responsibility but it sounds as he is happy to leave it all to you.

Neither one of you can work while looking after three children. If there are no childcare options, you both need to take a couple of days leave.