DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

So when he says he wouldn't help, is he saying he wouldn't help because he thinks you both need a carer for the kids or he wouldn't help because it's YOUR problem?

And you also haven't said anything about the advice that you need to hire someone to come care for the kids at home. That doesn't absolve him of any help or responsibilities but that's the best solution so you can focus on work and the kids are cared for.

Aside from the obvious issues with your husband not pulling his weight, don’t you have any guilt about cheating your employer by claiming to be working from home when you’re really looking after your children? At the very least you should be taking unpaid leave while you sort this out.

Because what she is doing now isnt impacting her job... ?!

Surely you just pay a babysitter to come to your home and watch them if you’re both WFH and well paid anyway. I can’t believe this is real, how do you have a senior management position and have not been called out by your employer for this behaviour? If your kids SEN is bad enough that they can’t be in holiday clubs surely they are disrupting your work and calls if they are all three in the same room as you all day?

1st post nails it.

To be honest if he won’t engage and expects you to do it all and you’ve just accepted this then there’s really not much more people can say. You’ve accepted it and unless you do something about it then nothing will change.

Your husband sounds bloody awful.

would he bollocks!! of course he wouldnt do this. He wont offer to step up so you either
a) force him to they are after all his kids as well.
b) find paid child care.

there is no plan or option c here OP.

do you know why he behaves like such a dick? BECAUSE YOU ENABLE HIM TO! and yes, I know I am shouting because clearly you just arent listening.

Stop enabling him. stop making excuses. stop posting yes but all the time. other people all over the UK work this out why cant you?

So all during the long summer holidays…. This? Three SEN children bouncing off the walls bored out of their brains

Op you are the reason some employers don't like their staff WFH. You are stealing time from your employer every minute you are focusing on your children.
Your DH is a misogynist and the reason some men get a bad reputation.
You sound like a pair of clowns. Crack on.

So what are you willing to do about it OP? Because he has decided parenting is optional and you are accepting it...

Is this his way of getting back at you for earning more than him? What does he use his annual leave for?

If they go to a SEN school, then the school will either have holiday clubs OR be able to sign post.

If they've been asked to leave holiday clubs, my guess is that they are in mainstream.

Why are you still with him?

Serious question

He's not in this with you and would actively endanger his children to suit himself

Exactly
So… if they go to Sen schools, which if they are as the Op describes - I hope they are, then the school will either run clubs or be able to sign post. The Op will hardly be alone at the school in this situation of needing specialist childcare

Okay, so your DH refuses to take any of his leave to care for his children and you're 100% sure that there's nothing you can do to convince him that they are a shared responsibility. Fine. He's selfish and not a good father.

So you take leave instead. You've said you've already used up your AL, so take unpaid family leave or carers leave instead. What's your DH going to do to stop you? Or is it you don't want to do it either?

So why does he think his job is more important? And what does he use his annual leave for?

I would challenge him and ask him why he thinks he is more important, and I would also tell him that you are obviously better at your job if you can handle a big job and kids, when he can only handle a job. Challenge him and see what he says.

I am not going to comment on the childcare whilst WFH issue as that has been done to death.

If they went to SEND schools and the school offered clubs then I'm assuming they would be at those clubs. It's more likely that they attend mainstream school, not a specialist school and the extra support they receive at school doesn't carry over to clubs which is why they were asked to leave as the children have no extra support.

It's a very common situation as specialist childcare is rare and expensive. There's also plenty of SEND children in mainstream who would be better suited to specialist school but spaces are limited.

Can't imagine how you managed to get to a senior position when you are so passive. Your husband is a selfish knob.

So senco should be able to sign post

there are LOADS of working parents with SEN children!! The Op is making out that she’s entirely unique

I’m confused, why are you enabling him to refuse taking annual leave off to look after the children ?

Would he really just leave them alone though? Three kids wouldn't go upstairs looking for him, demanding food etc. that seems unlikely .

and plenty of parents who have SEND children have at least 1 parent at home and this is a big reason why. I only have 1 SEND child and one of the reasons I can't work because clubs won't take him and no one has been able to sign post me to any specialist childcare.

This. If they both had to work from the office, what would happen then? WFH is not supposed to be about childcare options.