DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

You haven't explained how either of you use your annual leave, or why you can't look at alternative childcare such as a nanny service, or whether you have considered taking unpaid leave?
Yes, your husband is very unreasonable.
You have an obligation to do your job properly, though, so whether your husband supports it or not you can't just sit and do nothing about it.

Hence proving the PP’s point

Nothing changes if nothing changes. He will change fuck all, so it’s on you.

Do you have an office or other space you can work from? Leave him to it

You are legally entitled to a certain amount of unpaid leave per child. Both working ft at home while looking after young children is not realistic, you need to take time off between you somehow.

You haven’t said what you’ve done up till now. With 3 school aged children (SEN or not) you must have been handing school holiday somehow.

Literally everyone has told you to use annual leave and parental leave, like everyone else does!!

Leave with your sister. Go work in a library or coffee shop shop.

You clearly change his behaviour, you can only change your reaction to it.

Will you continue to allow him to ignore all his parental responsibility? Will you continue to allow him to opt out of being a supportive partner? Will you continue to let him fail you all with no consequences?

What you need to say is this
DH, we need a serious talk about childcare. You and I are both in senior management positions. Neither of us can work effectively from home while undertaking childcare roles. It is not fair on the companies we work for and it is not fair on the children. Childcare arrangements need to change. The options are (1) the children need to go into full time daycare/holiday clubs or (2) you need to quit your job and stay home and look after the children as I am the higher earner. Which option do you want to go for as the status quo is not working.

But shared 50% with the DH. It can’t all be on OP. It would be helpful if she could explain what has happened until now.

Exactly. That’s a perfectly reasonable conversation and if he refuses to engage with that then what kind of man/father is he?

Oh absolutely. Me and DH each take parental leave at different times every year and use AL. We probably only get one week all together all year (and Christmas!) but it’s just how it needs to be for now!

OP - as several people here have said, what has happened till now? If, as seems likely, you've muddled through combining child care for needy children with a senior management role, how on earth have you kept your job and/or dealt with three kids?

Forgot to add - and combining all that with being on here for two days?

Employ a child minder.

I can’t do that though because If I did that then DH would just leave the kids alone all day downstairs while he’s working upstairs. He would just leave them on their own downstairs until I get home from the office.

What would you do if you weren’t able to WFH? That’s what everyone else does!

Another reason why you really shouldn’t be with this man, he doesn’t love you or his children if he would do that. Sorry OP. I mean surely the kids would go up and demand attention from him.

If you're managing to look after three children while working, surely a experienced childminder can look after the children.

Well don’t change anything and quit moaning then.

To be honest I think you should start a new thread in Relationships about your shit husband and his lack of any semblance of care for his own children.

I think you do need to go into the office for the rest of the week and leave him to it. If you come home to a bomb site tell him you're going out again until he's cleared it up as it was his not looking after them that has caused the mess.

He sounds like a complete arsehole. I hate his guts and I've never even met him. Can you get into the upstairs office first so that he needs to work downstairs? Does he lock his office so that your children can't get in? I'd want to take a flipping axe to it.

What does he do with all his annual leave that he never takes when your children are off school?

You do realise that’s neglect though? If you think he would do that then why are you still with him?

Once again...
UNPAID PARENTAL LEAVE

https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

Each parent is entitled to up to 18 weeks of unpaid parental leave per child up to the child's 18th birthday, and this is now a day-one right (following changes effective April 6, 2026)

You have a grand total of 108 weeks leave you can take between now and your youngest turning 18...

It shouldn’t be on the OP to cover all the school holidays with unpaid parental leave - it will affect her job surely. The problem here is the DH.