DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

Well, it would seem most of the fault of that is from her partner.

Just wondering at this point OP- would you be better off- or the same- without him? You’d get respite if he could be arsed to have shared care for his kids. And you wouldn’t have the stress of expectation that he’ll do something when he clearly won’t

You have a husband problem. He is putting himself above the well being of the family. Sorry OP.

Well the AIBU is about whether he should look after the kids whilst working…the answer is no

This is ridiculous. Perhaps you should show him these posts. Also tell him that he isn't 'helping'. They are his responsibility too and he doesn't get to ignore that. You both have a joint responsibility to sort care for them. What on earth have you done before?

And are you working right now or posting on here for a solution, which we can't find for you.

Pack your laptop up and go to Costa and work
Leave him to sort the kids out

You keep saying this, over and over. What you need to do is sit down with your husband tonight and have a no holds barred discussion about it. Spending thr rest of half term on here repeating the same issues is not going to achieve anything.

It’s a different issue though. I 💯 agree he should be taking half of the responsibility, but he shouldn’t have to look after them whilst working.

He is holding appropriate WFH boundaries. Perhaps not the right boundaries in terms of the childcare, he should absolutely be trying to help with a solution, but I don’t believe that there isn’t a childcare setting that can take her SEN children, if they were so bad that they couldn’t go somewhere then how would both parents be working.

We’ve got 2 separate issues here…AIBU to get husband to look after kids whilst working from home - absolutely unreasonable. Is husband unreasonable to not assist with childcare provision, yes unreasonable (unless there is a previously agreed situation where OP has said she will organise it - but even then she can change her mind)

Then what's the point of him? You might as well be single, frankly.

Your job is actually more important than his job, which you can say as he has said otherwise. And I would tell him what 50/50 would look like in a divorce ... and that is what you'll be applying for and then he can do it entirely on his own 50 percent of the time.

do you really think she hasn’t tried this? I 100% work on the assumption that if the answer was that obvious, the poster would’ve tried it already

We used to sit down in September and literally work out who was taking time off for childcare, when they were going to kids club, when grandparents could do the odd day for the holidays for the entire year. I didn’t work many hours due to not being able to afford a lot of childcare.

Sorry but this is very poor planning especially given you are both in senior management roles!

Parents are able to take unpaid leave in addition to holidays aren’t they? I know I could have up to 4 weeks a year in my role…is this company specific.

What alternative childcare options have you looked at, could you have a childminder watch them? Teachers and Teaching Assistants may offer hours in holidays to do this?

I’ll try but DH will just refuse to discuss it or if he does discuss it he’ll just refuse to do anything differently. That’s what he always does

Then tell DH that you will have to resign from work and he can support you all financially entirely alone - if he needs to get a second job then he must do so.

He can't have it both ways.

If your DC are in school and if you have maintained careers to this point, surely you must have used some childcare.

I actually think OP is getting a rough time on here.

I work from home myself so absolutely understand that it is for working and not childcare. However what exactly is the OP supposed to do if her husband is washing his hands of all responsibility? He's a total cunt by the way OP, what actual uses does he have?

She can't pack up and go and work in costa, her kids would just be left alone (and no doubt if something went wrong, she would get the blame).

Maybe she can't take unpaid leave and still afford the bills, it's not as if her husband is likely to help, the selfish prick.

OP I really feel for you, no it isn't right to be providing childcare whilst working - but your husband absolutely should be looking for a solution too!

I agree. All the suggestions seem to hinge on forcing him to help, which isn’t realistic

Are you saying if you pissed off with your laptop to a cafe he would ignore the DC?

That really is appalling. I would be giving him an ultimatum on this.

Wow. So does that mean he uses his annual leave to hang out alone, while you are working and the kids are in school? Infuriating!

He doesn’t get to opt out
of figuring out childcare for the year! And leave it all to OP. I would be going absolutely nuclear on him. Have you OP?

You are the bigger earner. Do not lose your job because of him. At this stage what is he bringing to the table? I’d be having a very serious conversation with him. He can choose not to engage in it and he’d get served divorce papers. He may engage then.

In that case either need to take time off work or pay for childcare. Totally unreasonable to work from home whilst looking after kids.

He has opted out.

I think posters often assume you just need to have a serious conversation or a good shouting match with someone to get them to do what’s right but there are so many people in the world who don’t give a shit, and don’t respond to that. It’s easy to say go nuclear on him- and when that doesn’t work?

You divorce him! Come on how has it got to this stage? Who on earth would let their DH opt out of all childcare and keep all his annual leave for himself. She will lose her job. She needs to stand up to him and if he carries on like this then leave him.

Agreed, but I do wonder what they've done up to now, given there are three children and two senior management jobs in the mix. Surely the current situation can't have always been hapoening.

I can well believe it has. They probably have this dispute every holiday, get back into routine and put it out of their minds, then it happens again. I hate school holidays and can identify with this

autism is heredity and to have 3 autistic children is fair to say one of the parents will be. This can explain why so many people on the thread are finding it hard to relate to the situation