DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

This

This 100 fold. If they can both maintain jobs the kids presumably manage to go to school, if they can do that then they can go to a specialised childcare setting.

Either than or they need one or both of the parents to cut their hours down or apply for term time work only

It really depends on his job but if he’s on calls or has to deliver eg a complicated report that’s not compatible with children in the room. I think you both need to investigate unpaid parental leave to cover school holidays.

Then I suggest you leave him or get up and get ready and go physically into work and leave him to it- surely he can’t be deranged enough to think that he can’t do it but you can?

Your options are simple

1. pay for childcare eg nanny
2. divide up annual leave and do 50/50
3. rope in family to help

if you divorce just ensure he gets 50% of all holidays and it’s non negotiable

Unless the OP is withholding information (may be the case as she’s not very clear in her posts), it’s not like her DH has suggested this and she refused? Or has even tried to sort it himself? He seems to have checked out of the whole thing. There is no partnership here, as far as we can glean from the information shared.

I understand that but if I already had 2 kids with SEN I wouldn't have another. The OP has got three, all with SEN. She and her DH are obviously unable to cope with them whilst attempting to work full time and she is in meltdown, hence her post. I'm afraid it doesn't make any sense to me to have three kids (with or without SEN) when you've got no back-up childcare or the means to finance it and you simply can't cope.

Do you think it’s typical to have your children 7 years apart? It would take you 21 years to have 3 children.

7 is standard age for autism to be tested

I doubt the OP has had her 3 children 7 years apart, and yet she already knows that they all have SEN. So your comment doesn't make any sense. And I still think it's foolish to have three kids (whether SEN or not) if you can't cope with them. That's hardly radical thinking.

They could be 10,8 and 9 though couldn’t they? All born before the first and second were diagnosed

And yet she still can't cope with three kids.

One, or both, of you should have booked time off.

I’ve managed to get my sister over to help today but she has to leave at 1pm but I’ll still be working then and my DH is still refusing to help!

Well yes but she can’t get rid of them now can she? So not only is it likely she didn’t plan 3 SEN children, she is stuck with it now.

Go find suitable childcare options for disabled children. Our local authority send out a list of clubs for kids every school holiday. At last count there were about 20, all within a 5 mile radius, which took kids all day, for a pretty low cost. For disabled children they had 3. All of which were for half a day or less, one was 25 miles away, and all required the parent to stay with the child.

OP’s options are to work from home flexibly, sharing the childcare with her husband, or quit her job and claim carer benefits. Is that what you want?

@Backedoffhackedoff

14 years between 3 children, 7 years apart.

Yes sorry- full of cold!

You are both being selfish.
Neither of you should be doing full time childcare whilst working from home.
Your DH should either take some of his annual leave as holiday or, if you've used up all your holiday allowance, you need to take unpaid leave.
Or you employ someone who is qualified to look after children with SEN.

Exactly. He has decided she is default parent, his job is more important, and it’s up to her to sort it out. I assume her wage is necessary to pay the bills, just as his is. Why does he think he shouldn’t share responsibility for the children as she is sharing responsibility for paying the bills?

I would just go out. Can you work at the library or Costa?

What would happen if you walked out the door and went to a cafe or work space?

Why is he not using his annual leave for childcare?

My salary is more than DH’s salary. But he won’t use his annual leave for school holidays, it’s rare that he does.

I’m struggling to see the point of him.

You are both senior management, could you afford a nanny or something?

Working from home should be exactly that. It isn’t for people to look after their children. If you are both in senior positions, how would you not know about that?

I know it’s not ideal but I don’t see what other option I have as I can’t get childcare and DH is refusing to help!