DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

But you thought they'd be okay at home with no one able to look after them because both parents are working?

Why?! I don’t understand why you’re stating this. Why must they have found it before?

Oh god no reason. Carry on

My family members wouldn’t have meltdowns at home. They would sit in their room all day with Lego. That’s where they’re happy and feel safe. They can’t go to childcare of any kind or have a stranger in the home because they would not feel safe and that would lead to a meltdown

One option I guess is to give up working. Have you told Dh you might have to do this and he can pay for everything with his more important job

Well you’ll have to stick them in front of the TV for 8 hours a day while you work then, if you can’t take annual leave, parental leave or get childcare and your husband won’t jeopardise his job to look after them.

Why do women keep reproducing with useless men.

I think ya both bu for not getting some sort of childcare/annual leave/unpaid parental leave in place knowing the children wouldn't be at school this week. However yanbu to expect him to pull his weight too given it was both your responsibility to sort something and both of you have failed to do so. The slack shouldn't fall solely to you.

Why? Think about the age gaps, they’re autistic that’s often not diagnosed until children are over 7.
Even the “most” autistic child I know (non verbal) wasn’t diagnosed until 2.5years old, by which time the parents had another baby.

And this is why those of us who legitimately WFH get a bad name. One of you should have taken leave. Simple.

Really? There’s no situation where you can’t imagine his that would happen?

I have two. The first wasn’t diagnosed until the youngest was two (eldest was 10)

The OP has not been back since yesterday lunchtime.

Don’t blame her. I wouldn’t be back either

You’re being blatantly disablist.

Suggesting that someone shouldn’t have had three children because they all have SEN is a disgusting thing to say. Disabled children aren’t defective products, and their parents don’t owe you an explanation for their existence. The fact that you think this is an acceptable question says everything about your prejudice and absolutely nothing about those children.

i will probably get a barrage of abuse for this, but I am sick to the back teeth of hearing parents that WFH moaning about childcare!!! The word “Work” means work. Not periodically checking a computer screen while caring for children. Im sure you wouldn’t want your husbands boss or your boss reading this post?! If you’re being paid to work, that’s what you should be doing! Personally, I applaud your husband for standing up for himself, although there should have been a plan in place decided by and supported by both of you which you’ve both obviously overlooked. Maybe next school holidays, get organised better.

I don’t applaud the dh for anything here. No they shouldn’t be working while parenting but he also gets negative 1000 points for not getting off his bum and sorting something out. He won’t even take any leave.

How can you have any sort of relationship with a man like that? More to the point, why did you have 3 children with him? It's a problem of your own making, @Beckyboo8 . It's such a ludicrous situation that I can't believe this post is genuine so I have questions. Why be with someone like that? Why have kids with someone like that? How on earth did you even get to be "senior management" (if indeed you are) if you regularly can't do your job properly? And it's also clear that you can't care for your children properly either. School holidays are a significant part of the year (and your children's lives, which can't be lived again) and it's one of the things which should be factored in to your thinking when making such a huge decision as whether to have/have more children.

I am also sceptical how you can both work and leave children with such high needs alone. I have to constantly check my autistic four year old as he might be up to something otherwise.

You need to take it in turns booking annual leave. You can't work and take care of kids. If you won't pay for childcare, take time off. You'll be in hot water with your employers of they find out what you're up to.

You and your DH need to take seperate weeks Annual Leave to cover the childcare during the school holidays.

If I were your manager and knew you were WFH with 3 DCs to look after all day, I would not be impressed. I’ld ask that you take unpaid leave. It’s not fair for your DCs nor your job responsibilities.

I so agree! My child is all grown up now but I only ever had the one. As a working, single parent that was quite enough to cope with.

Sometimes you don't know your child has SEN issues until they are quite a bit older, and you've had another baby in the interim. Sometimes you think you can cope, because SEN issues are more manageable in some kids than others.

No I haven’t missed that. It changes nothing. NEITHER of them should be looking after the children. They should be arranging for childcare.

Her husband isn’t a dick for refusing to take time off, it is his job, they need to find childcare places. If that’s impossible due to their SEN (I doubt it since they manage to go to school) then one or both of them needs to work reduced hours because there are lots of school holidays that need to be covered…but here the OP is angry because it’s half term and she hasn’t got childcare and her husband is working, he isn’t unreasonable, she is.

They need to plan better as a family and do it ahead of time. People all over the country have kids with SEN and they make it work, not by looking after children while they work, but by making childcare arrangements, including things like getting a childcare provider to come to their home.

One of you should have taken the week off to look after the DC or paid for childcare. If you are WFH all hour attention should be on your job. That is what your employer is paying you for.