DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

He has choices:

• take annual leave and look after them
• pay for nanny to cover his share

he doesn’t just get to opt out

Op I understand and my heart goes out to you both. It is so incredibly hard when the childcare just ain’t there for SEND dc. There is often nothing available at all, even paid for.

Have you looked at your council’s short breaks offer at all? If not please do as there may be half term play schemes etc.

Even if both parents took their annual leave separately leaving no time for all of them to be together at all as a family, that would not fully cover the children’s holidays from school. This is a struggle that many SEND families find themselves in as the right childcare just doesn’t exist even for families ready and willing to pay.

So you both should have put in leave/parental leave to share the week

Neither should be looking after the kids while you are working. Your employer is paying you to work. Either find childcare or take it in turns to have time off.

You cannot look after your children whilst being paid to work, what an absolute piss take.

Then take unpaid parental leave. Looking after three kids with SEN while “working” is taking the piss out the employer.

Absolutely. It's certainly not doing a job properly.

100% this. You are defrauding your employer by looking after your kids in work time. YABVVU. Find paid childcare or take time off work, unpaid if need be.

What type of jobs are these where people are looking after their kids whilst being paid to WFH..and how do I get one?

I haven't even got any kids at home who need looking after, but I'd love to get paid for working whilst I actually do something else 😂

Why are you with this man?

I think trying to work at home with three SEN kids is never going to work. I am a single parent and my eldest has learning disabilities. He also can't cope with holiday clubs so I use annual leave, unpaid parental leave and some family help.

I think you and your DH need to sit down and work out a schedule for the week as well as seeing if you can each book a day off. My two would go stir crazy if we stayed at home every day whilst I tried to work.

You both have the legal right to unpaid leave

https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Since you are both senior managers you certainly can afford it financially so crack on and get all school hols booked in between you both.

It will also set a good example for your teams to see their senior managers using family friendly legislation transparently

if your DH refuses to look after his own children, he is a dickhead of the utmost order and you should be divorcing him.

You're surely taking the piss. Nobody should be looking after children while an employer is paying you to work. Why can't you pay for childcare like actual working (not from home) people do?

Well you shouldn’t be asking him to have them while working from home just as you shouldn’t be watching them while working from home.

I would expect that your employers have something written in their employment manuals that say you can’t.

Well this is ridiculous. He is working, he cannot look after them 🤷‍♀️

You’re taking the piss right?

Then you divorce or you work in the office 50% of the time during holidays so he is stuck with the kids. It doesnt sound like he will see reason. Convincing people on the internet that this is unfair isnt helping the situation. Your husband sounds inflexible is he asd too?

But equally why should she have to do all the childcare and responsibilities
just because he thinks he has a more important job

Your children deserve proper childcare that meets their needs. Your employers deserve that their employees work.
You can't work and provide childcare. It's just not possible or fair to anyone.

I agree. I’m still resentful that I had a more senior job than my DH, but still ended up being the default parent in the holidays. He was always too busy, this or that project was extra critical and tons of other crap reasons. They just think it’s your job.

(Apologies if this has already been said - I admit I haven't read every post).
If you were a nurse, teacher, factory worker, retail assistant ... need I go on? ...you could not take your children to work. If you are being paid to work from home then you should be working at home, not childminding.

Your options are to take annual leave in turns so either DH or you have the day off to entertain the kids or you hire a nanny. I did that when my kids were young as I could not have worked and managed them at the same time. Yes, it was expensive but it is only during half term. It will probably be cheaper than paying for 3 kids in holiday clubs. It is average £35-£40 per child here, so at £120 per day you should definitely find someone to take care of the kids.

For the love of god stop ending every sentence with an exclamation mark. It makes you look demented, OP.