DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

So are you only still with him because you can’t afford to separate? His attitude is so unreasonable I can’t see any other reason.

Why on earth are you bout working full-the senior positions with.3 children with SN? FFS ????!!!??? Sorry, totally baffled here.

You can take unpaid leave which helps with the hap between annual leave and the extent of childrens’ holidays. Massively unfair to your kids for you to be trying to wfh when there is no other care for them.

This was my thought too - divorce him for being a wanker and bonus if he then has to look after them 50% of the time (at least during school holidays)

Sounds like you need a professional babysitter or to split taking annual leave with DH to cover the week.

Neither of you should be working and trying to look after three kids SEN or not. You should be taking it in turns to take annual or unpaid leave or look for a babysitter with SEN experience. Didn't you have a conversation about this in advance of the holiday starting? Was there a plan?

Very much hoping this is a wind up thread.

But on the off chance it's real ...you each need to take annual leave to cover the holidays. Or unpaid leave. Or pay for a babysitter

Specialist childcare. Nanny with experience of SEN
How old are they?
Do they have ehcp ?

Get a nanny!

If you dont come up with a better solution then problem might resolve itself when your employer sacks you.

He's a twat and maybe you need couples counselling. But none of that is a reason to fail to do your job. It's an abuse of trust

Good gracious. That’s a massive piss take and completely untenable situation. What does your boss think about you working from home looking after 3 children. My boss wouldn’t tolerate that so don’t really blame your hubby for not putting his job in jeopardy. However he should help to source a solution rather than expectations that you should. How you can both be senior managers and be so hard of understanding is completely beyond me.

If you worked in the office would you take your kids into work with you during the holidays?

If the answer is no, why do you feel it is acceptable to have them at home with you whilst you are working?

One of you should be taking holiday and looking after your kids. Honestly you are so in the wrong , no wonder people who wfh are being told they have to come back in the office ! If I was your boss/ company I’d be fuming .

I think that the OP needs to go and work in the office or a library or cafe, or a co-working space for at least one day, preferably the rest of the week, and leave the children with her DH.

I know she will think she can’t, but he has to learn. Yes he will be angry but she needs to make it his problem as much as hers and get him to solve it. As many PP have pointed out, he’s in senior management, shouldn’t be a problem.

Amazing. Both in senior management posts. But somehow this is the first time childcare of your sen children has been an issue whilst holding down presumably demanding and stressful jobs.

Either a wind up or you're hoping to get a crappy news article out of this.

One of you uses a week of parental leave. This is exactly what it’s for.

Me too. Posted it thinking I’d get loads of abuse but I see it so much and just don’t get how people cope. I wouldn’t I know that for sure. I have one child without SEN and that’s enough!

Annual leave ?!?! That's what most people do. You take two or three days husband takes two or three days.

You should be sharing the childcare by both taking annual leave or parental leave on alternate days or splitting the week.
I am a single Mum and have to take leave to provide childcare in holidays or call on friends and family.
Its parents like you who “work from home” and ruin it for everyone else, because you’re not actually not doing any work, so are the reason people are being forced back into the office and losing any degree of flexibility or trust.

I'm sorry but I agree too. 2 full time working parents with 3 SEN kids who can't be in any form of childcare because their needs are so full on. You and your husband created this situation OP, so work together to find some way to fix it. Hire an au pair, a nanny or get them some therapy so they can cope in childcare. If they can cope in school, they can cope in clubs. I am afraid you are one of those people that want to complain about their circumstances but do nothing practical to solve it.

You need to both take annual leave separately or get a babysitter inside your house whilst you both work.
If he won't do this then I reckon you should get up early and go and work in your car/local cafe/library for a morning forcing him to step up

How do you recon single parents with disabled children that cannot access childcare due to disability can work in the absence of WFH? I can't think of any single parent in such circumstances in employment. And I know a few.

sounds like a nightmare OP. Neither of you should be doing it and it should be shared, as many posters have already said.

he has to help - it’s his job as a parent. Where does his AL go if it’s not on childcare?!

Whilst I agree that the lack of foresight, planning & clear relationship issues are the real problem here, regardless of budget, “sorting SEN childcare” is not as straightforward as you might think.

It would be nigh on impossible to find any single specialist carer to cover care for 3 children of differing ages/needs/disabilities/dietary requirements. For 1:1 in the home this would be ££££££‘s, for 3 x children, the cost would be eyewatering , if you could even find someone willing & suitably experienced & trained.

I think the only solutions are that one parent takes unpaid leave, both parents work flexible hours in shifts that mean children are cared for at all times (we did this for a while but was unsustainable in the longterm).

Or…. Like many of us with SEN children, you accept that it’s not possible to be all things at all times and one parent is thus forced to relinquish their career…

None of the solutions that exist are anything but soul destroying- but that’s how society & the world of work with SEN children sadly works.

You know babies aren't born with a sign round their neck saying they have SEN? Lots of people have 3 kids before they even realise their oldest is SEN.