DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

Hi OP, I'll just skip telling you what you should have done and focus on the issue you're actually raising. It is completely out of order that you husband refuses to engage with this situation and expects you to deal with it on your own.

I'm not sure what the solution is - unpaid carers' leave, annual leave, specialised childcare, separate if this kind of cheeky fuckery is your husband's normal mo, or what - but your husband dumping the problem on you is definitely not the solution. If you take unpaid leave, make sure that you don't carry the financial burden arising from this alone. And good luck for getting through this week.

You need to take half the week annual leave, and then he takes the other.

I find it concerning that you are both in “senior management” yet seemed to have been completely blindsided by the fact that it is half term, and neither of you have arranged childcare, AL, or parental leave!
Schools make holiday dates publicly available on their websites and via school apps and letters. It cannot have been that much of a surprise that you hadn’t made arrangements!
What do you normally do during school holidays?
Of course you cannot wfh with high needs children around, either of you.

Why did you keep having high-needs children, when they are apparently so affected by SEN that school clubs won’t take them?

Im dubious that this is a genuine post, if I’m honest…. Senior management🤷‍♀️

She's not sick.

It's also not fair on her employer who paying for her time and her colleagues who are not taking the piss and caring for kids rather than working.

Nail on the head. I've been having meetings with 3 local accountancy firms over the past year and all are bringing their staff back into the office for minimum 4 days per week due to reduced performance/efficiency. They all work by recording hours worked per job and the statistics don't lie - the WFH staff are putting down fewer billable hours and even the billing performance is down showing that the hours they are putting down have increased for "like for like" work. The graphs of last year against 2019 (pre covid) show a stark deterioration. When three different/independent firms are all showing the same performance deterioration, you know somethings gone wrong and the only common factor is WFH, with too many staff taking the piss and management/supervision/training also taking more unchargeable time because it takes longer to do when staff aren't physically present at the same time.

It's people like you that give wfh a bad name. Get childcare or one of you take leave

Neither of you can do your jobs properly while looking after 3 kids with SEN. You either need to get some help in or take turns to be off. You could use parental (unpaid leave) if you don't already and are running out of paid annual leave.

Was discussing this with a mum who has older kids today. She says not as many parents worked ft when their kids were small, and more had grandparent help. Obviously talking about families in our area, but it might apply more generally. WFH might well mean you can do drop-offs/pick up and not pay for childcare, and with most older children, you could wfh in the holidays, but obviously OP says that isn't possible for her.
But unless he has a very different SL job from you, OP, he can't take care of them while he's supposed to be working any more than you can.
Having 2 parents ft with all the kids isn't easy. Can't one of you take some unpaid additional leave? Most places will allow it now, especially in a situation like yours.

I don't believe this thread for one minute.
You cannot be in senior management, both of you, yet working from home and looking after children. My husband is on SLT team in his Company, no way could he be looking after children too with his work committments....
If this is a genuine post, why haven't you got childcare arrangement?

It's too late for this time, but look into hiring a teen who can play with the kids, watch them in the yard, feed them, ect. You'll be there to step in for a meltdown but they'll run most of the day.

You still have to handle some of the care but it should free up a lot of your time to work.

I did something like this for a few years as a teen. One of their children was autistic, and it was rough the first break, but after that we did that arrangement for 2 years and it worked well.

There's no point people arguing what your husband should do. You can't make him step up like he should, so trying to find a solution that helps you is your best bet.

You need to manage the time with flexi hours/AL between you or put them into a holiday club that takes SEN children (one of mine is and attends holiday clubs). Neither of you can work from home with children, does your employer know you are doing this?

I think posters mean hire someone to come look after them at home.

Yes you are right he should be doing more to support and is being unfair but in the big picture it would still be difficult and disruptive to try to work and look after 3 young kids so the option is to hire care bag home if they can't go to holiday clubs.

Annual leave op

on his days you go to the office .

You have a communication problem with your husband, not a childcare problem.

Tell him that a solution needs to be found, and that it’s not contractually appropriate for you to be doing childcare whilst ‘W’FH.

You may need to employ a suitably trained person to cover all future holidays while you both work. That is what we had to do, (we are also both in Senior roles in separate firms specialising in complex corporate transformations and multi-year tech rollouts). We spoke, we devised a plan, we interviewed candidates, and employed someone. It was financially challenging but we muddled through.

☝️ you’re paid a wage to WORK ….not look after your children thus shortchanging your employer.

No. He is right.

You are paid by your employer to work. You need to take annual leave to cover holidays, just like you would if you worked in an office.

Yeah you're going to get flamed here OP and rightly so.
You should have sorted childcare, or between you taken holiday.
That is what those of us who don't work from home do, and you are everything that many of us lack respect for when it comes to WFH (no shade to anyone who isn't doing this!)

The awe of “senior management” being rich and capable of anything on here is hysterical 😂

Then you should divide your leave between you to sort childcare. Wfh means exactly that.

Really? We have 3 kids and split our leave so have enough. Think you need to rework your arrangements.

Then take unpaid leave! DH can pay you to look after the kids.

It makes me so angry. I pay nearly £90 a day for my two children (one with additional needs) to attend a decent holiday club with wrap around so I can WFH. I’ve been on calls with colleagues who have their children in the background, one even put them on the call!!! It’s not Covid times anymore, no excuse whatsoever for this behaviour and makes a mockery of working from home.

WFH with children home is neglect, especially when they have SEN.

Absolutely agree with this.

My colleague has the children at home this week but we're flexible so long as she gets the work done.

She's complained about her husband not doing the same however appreciates he would lose his job the instant his company got wind.

I said the same to her as people have said on here. I love working from home 4 days a week and it would be such a shame if this behaviour undermined it and I needed to find another £10k in commuting costs

Why did you continue to have children with such a knob?!