DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

I don't look after my kids whilst WFH, I am ultimately being paid to do a job not to look after my children, I went PT to look after my kids and also book AL

Parents are allowed to take additional leave to care for DC
https://www.gov.uk/carers-leave

Can you not do a flexible working request for dependents with disabilities?

Well obviously you're not being unreasonable to expect him to pull his weight at half term, unless there is a very particular reason and it's fair over time if not this holiday. However, if your kids' needs are such you can't put them in holiday clubs are you really able to work and look after them? You could each book two and a half days off work so you can each focus on looking after them without compromising your work. Or book a babysitter to look after them at home and then you and your other half can take turns working away from the house in a library or similar.

Sorry, it’s another’you need to arrange childcare’ from me. It’s clear that a holiday club isn’t suitable, but could you find an appropriate childminder?
Does your OH think you need to get childcare? Because what would be unreasonable would be for him to be claiming you don’t need it but yet leaving it all to you. He doesn’t get to claim it’s not necessary but do nothing to help. You need to sit down together and come up with a solution.

Couldn’t you hire a babysitter or a couple of babysitters/childminders to be there in the home with them whilst you two are working from home?
If the children have SEN, I would have thought it to be better to have more adults in the room altogether

You need to find suitable childcare … you are being U to expect DH to look after them and you are being U to be looking after them your while working!!

Then why have 3 kids with someone so selfish … must have been obvious after the first!!

I feel for you - many will just casually say, "put them in childcare" but it isn't that easy with SEN kids and finding babysitters or even sharing care of them with friends is just not as easy and maybe it isn't even possible. Most people have no clue about it. Not sure what the answer is other than you staggering your annual leave so that one of you is there or downgrading your job. I'm really sorry, I do understand it is not at all easy with SEN kids.

This ^

You need childcare

You have 3 options if childcare isn't possible
1 - divorce, then he HAS to have them some of the time.
2- new job
3- unpaid parental leave

Stop being so "woe is me" over a problem over half the population have in some way

From an ex financial advisor who switched to school office accounts when my own childcare needs no longer worked with my previous job - it's called parenting!

Is this a joke? How can you work under these circumstances? Unless you haven’t been caught by your employers? Shame on you for spoiling the wfh for others.

Definitely unreasonable, he has work too, you should have booked time off. If he wasn’t working from home would you still expect him to look after them?

You are both being unreasonable and I feel so sorry for your poor children, have you ever considered how they must feel having their parents argue as to who should look after them ?
Hire a nanny for a week or each of you take a few days of leave!

The answer is either a private nanny at home or you both take parental leave and use unpaid leave between you to manage holidays. It’s not possible to wfh and manage children and it’s not fair that your career is impacted and not his.

What does he use his annual leave for?

Just ring in sick. It’s not fair on your children. But learn from it and explore the unpaid leave. And fight it out to provide the holidays.

This would be against company policy where I work, and I'm not aware of any businesses where this would be OK. How are both of you in senior management jobs without knowing this, or am I totally missing something?

What nonsense. This is why some employers won’t take on women of a certain age or ones with children.

The OP isnt sick btw! She would be lying and probably has if she has been working like this before.

For those saying it’s possible to get specialist childcare- often issue is not finding an adult willing to be paid for the care, it is finding childcare that the child will attend/ stay in.

My family member has bolted/ been violent because he is not comfortable in the setting, no matter how willing the specialist nanny or whoever is.

Just leave for the office/ coffee shop whatever and refuse to help with the kids. How ridiculous that he thinks he can opt out of parenting without a back up plan. Tell him you are doing these days, he is doing those days either himself or by organising something.

This is why companies want people in the office 5 days a week now. It’s really annoys me all the piss takers “wfh” while looking after their kids have created less flexibility for us all.

If you're both in "senior management" jobs, you should both be concentrating on your work and NOT looking after your children.

You both need to take annual leave

You are both entitled to unpaid carers leave to.

Neither should be working and caring for DC for full days/weeks.

Can you pay a nanny or child minder?
Do you have family who can help for odd days?