DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

He’s only wfh because he’s basically abandoned his kids’ mother and made all holiday care for their joint children her problem.

@Beckyboo8 From Wednesday, get up early and go out- either to your office or some cafe or Co working space. Let him know you’re out and will be back at 5pm.

It’s called annual leave. Or unpaid leave.

You needed to take holiday between you

I can see your problem but I can also see the situation from your employers perspective. How can either of you be concentrating on your job when also trying to deal with 3 special needs children?
I don’t know the answer but possibly only one of you should be working full time.

Maybe take annual leave ? if both of you take the minimum thats 10 weeks a year covered and then there's parental leave for the rest...Many,many working parents who dont have the option to wfh have to juggle or take leave if they have children

Sorry OP, you need to find adequate childcare or take the time off work.

Hi op your dh is an absolute dickhead then. If you were in the office this would not happen. You have to both take annual leave at different times like the rest of us to cover your children. I would be saying if he thinks his job is more important than yours you give yours up and he supports all of you. He is being a selfish shitty father tbh. Why does he think his children aren’t his priority. I would be having words or walking out midday and leave him to it. You are meant to work together as parents is this your future.

I agree 100% that isn't what WFH is designed for

I don’t blame him, you can’t work at home while looking after 3 kids (even more so with SEN) you need to be taking leave or sorting support. This is why people are being stopped from working at home as people take the piss.

The OP does use her annual leave for school holidays. Her husband refuses to.

If your local won’t have the children find somewhere that does cater for SEN. There’s plenty of places of you spend time planning.

she hopes that if she can just find the right words he will realise how unfair he is being. It takes a long time to accept that he just thinks he is more important that you are and cares not that he is being unfair.

What do you think single parents do that don’t WFH?

I’m assuming as it’s half term this is a wind up.

This! I wfh and have taken leave this week, split with dh so that one of us is looking after the children and not working. When my dh has them he takes them out for the day so I can get in with work.

If you're both in senior management you can afford childcare or to take unpaid leave. You cannot work from home while looking after kids never mind kids with SEN . You cannot do both at the same time. You are cheating your employer, not giving your kids attention and stressing yourself out while that selfish git upstairs abandons his responsibilities.

Get up in the morning and take your laptop to a place you can work. Tell him you'll be back at 5 and you will be ready to listen to his plan for sorting this situation out. Stop being a mug, they are his kids too.

You are both being paid to work. Pay for proper child care.

Yeah it just isn't her job to make him not a twat. He just is one, clearly, no explanation necessary on why that is. It's his responsibility to change, which he won't. Hopefully she sees sense. Idk why anyone entertains the idea of staying with someone like this who so clearly lacks any respect or consideration for them.

This. Poster is probably a 13 year old bored with no attention from his parents

I will be unpopular with this however between Covid - this year I WFH and would have my children at home with me (currently aged 9 and 10) but this was very much the culture of the company, everyone did it including team leaders (and I was in a very low level role). I reduced my hours as being the default parent expected to pick up all of the childcare responsibilities whilst working was making me ill however I now work in a role where I am required in person with no WFH and suddenly some support did appear out of the woodwork! It may be that if you ‘have’ to work in the office others may actually help you, I would also consider that if you were a single parent you could potentially get some help with childcare financially. Are there any grandparents or friends that would be able to help out at all? I only say from my own experience that these one sided relationships tend to only work for the side that’s not picking up all the slack. I do hope you’re able to sort something out x

How old are your DC? I dont know how you have been juggling along OP.

You need to have a talk with your DH. One of you needs to reduce your hours or both?

You don't have a childcare issue, you have a "D"H issue. He either needs to do his share (not whilst trying to work as neither of you should be doing that) or pay for a nanny/specialist babysitter. You need to have a grown up conversation with him about the distribution of childcare between the two of you and if he is anything other than accepting, he needs to pay for the cover of the times he would be doing. You both work, you're both parents and you need to work this out so it's not just you (mum) doing all the childcare!

This is hardly fair to OP. They are his kids.... as well. They both need to sort this out. Can you and DH buy annual leave OP? Unpaid leave?

Then you and your OH take holiday or unpaid leave and look after your children. Your children have SEN, you are their parents and they need your attention.

And incidentally you and your OH need to sort out your working arrangements, senior managers managing teams from their bedroom! Show some professionalism.

So between you both you need to take annual leave to ensure your Dc are properly taken care of!

I’m afraid this would result in an investigation and possible disciplinary action if someone at my company was found to be caring for children whilst supposed to be WFH. Perhaps your other half is protecting his job.