DH refusing to look after the kids whilst working from home!

[Beckyboo8]

It’s half term and we both work from home in senior management jobs! DH is in the bedroom working from home and is refusing to have the kids in the room while he’s working and he’s refusing to help look after them during his working hours! So I’m having to work from home at the dining table while having to look after 3 going children with SEN! I feel like I’m going insane already and it’s only Monday! AIBU to think DH should also help look after the kids whilst working from home?

I can’t put my children in a holiday club because of their SEN! The last holiday club they were in wouldn’t have them because they couldn’t manage their autism and their meltdowns.

Then you need to take unpaid parental leave. Every parent is entitled to take up to 18 weeks of unpaid parental leave per child before their eighteenth birthday. (Up to 4 weeks per year per child). Usually has to be taken in blocks of a week + but as your children have disabilities you could also take odd days.

You do understand that you need to work out hiring someone to watch them during holidays? It's this kind of thing happening that has caused so many employers maake people go back to the office. What if you and your DH were called to go back to the office? Then how would you sort childcare? How do yiu get a full days work in when you have to do drop-offs, pick-ups etc.?

I’m sorry up this sounds very difficult. My only advice to you is too sit your husband down and explain your job is potentially at risks, and try to find a solution where you are both able to work.

If that didn’t work, I’d consider leaving him and trying get every penny I could out of him.

If his job is more important than yours in his eyes, tell him you are going to be a stay at home mum and he can pay for the household....

Well your DH needs to step up and use his annual leave. You also need to manage the week better. Eg you take one day, he takes one day, you try a 1/2 day where you work and they have a lie in or watch tv until lunch time and then you take a 1/2 day of leave. Or you need to think about a nanny for the holidays. Your current set up clearly isn’t sustainable.

Could you look for someone ie a nanny/childminder to come to your house so they have an adult there to deflect away from you.
If they are still in their own home, surrounded by their own things etc hopefully that will keep disruption to a minimum.
When I worked in a school some TA’s would work during the holidays for families, worth checking around for an enabler to help as your DH is refusing.

Why should she? Why can’t the DC other parent take annual leave in school holidays to cover the weeks OP can’t do? It should be shared equally between them.

Both of you could use parental leave to provide childcare once your AL has run out. Whilst it is unpaid, you both have senior roles & it would probably be cheaper than paying for childcare.

Take unpaid parental leave. That's what I do when I know I'm going to run out of paid annual leave. https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Holiday nanny? You can advertise on something like childcare.co.uk. I used to nanny in the holidays when I was a teacher. Or take unpaid parental leave? It sounds like you have bigger problems though if your husband is refusing to reasonably problem solve with you.

You need a childcare plan. There are loads of school holidays. You can’t look after little kids who are high needs and fulfil your job. What would you do if both work places said you had to come into an office/workplace?

If all 3 children are high needs and can’t attend regular childcare you might need to look at a nanny who can work at your house during the holidays?

Can you both work compressed hours during the holidays so that you only have 3 days child care to cover?

Could you use all your annual leave between you to cover all the holidays minus summer - then have an au pair for summer holidays if that’s easier to organise?

It’s people who try to work from home and look after their kids who are causing lots of work places to stop WFH. 😬

Maybe you could both permanently work 4 days each so between you you’re part time? That might be most tax efficient too.

There's none where we live. The few holiday activities round here for kids with SEN require a parent to stay (so whilst fun, totally useless from a childcare point of view).

I think it depends on the age of the kids.

If they are babies / infants they they obviously need full time supervision and care, meaning its incompatible with working.

But if they are older - say mid / late primary school - they imo its acceptable to let them play by themselves while you work in the office / dining table / whatever. An occasional check up is fine for them, plus obviously making lunch etc.

What the solution is, it should be shared between both parents of course, not left to just one.

Your husband is showing you how much he hates you. A man who loves you wants to help and not leave you struggling. They are his kids too. He should look after them. Even take 2 and a half days each annual leave from work during half term.

Working from home is exactly that. It’s not running a creche, unless you’re a paid childminder.

Genuinely, please divorce this dick head.

This is not the point of the thread.

I have 2 DC with SEN who cannot attend any local holiday clubs. DH and I both work full time and we are by no means senior management so don't have a lot of funds to throw at the problem. We manage by each using our annual leave, buying extra leave and manage to get a few days of grandparent help a year.

OP what exactly is your DH doing with his annual leave? He should be using it to do his share of looking after DC. Is he supportive of your job? Does he not-so-secretly want to you be forced out of the workplace so you have to do all the childcare?

Not read the whole thread but isn't holidays for this kind of thing? Why didn't one of you take the half term off?

Sounds very stressful for you, OP. Shame your husband is a selfish arsehole.

Umm, yes it actually is.

Between the two of you, you must have enough leave and parental / carers leave to cover the school holidays. My husband and I had to do the same when the children were younger as we had no family support and childcare became too expensive.

Plan better.

You both have to use your annual leave to care for them, so that between you the holidays are covered.

It is not reasonable for either of you to be caring for children whilst working

Has anyone ever told you about using a full stop to end a sentence rather than an exclamation mark?

@Beckyboo8 and if you get fired, would he be happy to pay for everything then? Have you spelled out to him the clue is in the name ‘work’ from home? He’s an arse for not using his time off and you need to maybe ‘have to go to the office’ and force his hand.