Not disclosing my age to new lover

[Pomegranatecarnage]

I met a man through a friend about a month ago. My friend is 4 years younger than me, and this guy was in school with her, so I knew his age. We’ve been on 10 dates already, and have planned our first night together tonight! However-he said something last night that made me realise that he thinks I’m younger than him. I’m 3 years and 5 months older. I don’t want to tell him-but should I? He’s never asked my age. I thought he already knew. AIBU to avoid the question?

And the rest

Why is it embarrassing?

Because he knows or suspects, and now just thinks “weird”

Terrible idea to not disclose your age. Do you assume he will never find out?! If you go on holiday together, and he takes a peep at your passport, he will see you true age. He will not appreciate being lied to. A 3.5 year age gap is nothing, but lying about it is a big deal. (Even lying by omission.)

I know a woman right now who is 57 and is dating a man of 52. She has told him she is 48! 3 months they've been dating, and he is now going on about a weekend away in December, and she's terrified he will find out her age. I said 'of course he will. You should have told him the truth straight away,' but she said 'he wouldn't have been interested if he knew I was 5 years older than him!' (They met online!) The more time goes on the worse it will be when he does find out!

I also remember a thread on here several years ago, from a woman who was 42, and she met a man on an online dating agency too, and he said he was 48. Bit of an age gap but she was OK about is as he was good looking, and interesting, and was courteous and nice to her.

tl;dr, they went on seeing each other, and six months into the relationship she found out his real age.

61 😱

She was so mortified. He was old enough to be her father. She ended it immediately. She said she thought he looked/seemed a bit older, but some people do, my DH looks and presents as 5-6 years older than he is, and my next door neighbour's boyfriend is 31, 5 years younger than her, and he looks 21. However, even though she is 36, she looks 42-43, so he looks like her son, even though, the age gap is only 5 years!

Why would he think that? I haven’t lied. He hasn’t asked and I presumed our mutual friend had told him. I laughed when he made the comment.

I would just say something tonight when you see him. I had this a bit with someone who was a couple of years younger than me. I just messaged to say you do realise I am older than you right? I am 52. He just replied and said age is not and never is a problem. It was just important to me that he knew for some reason.

So I would say something rather than let it build up on your head. It really is no big deal but you just want to be honest I think.

Lying about minor details on mumsnet is pretty normal. Considering mumsnet happily shares and promotes our threads on Facebook and there’s a huge amount of traffic to this site, many feel a bit safer changing small details that help them feel less identifiable.

I am 57.

So why lie last year on Mumsnet and say 53?

Just tell him OP. If you don't say anything now it will just get more and more awkward. He won't care.

Who cares?! Stop going on at her. It's only a 4 year discrepancy! As a pp said, many posters change minor details on various threads, to avoid being identified so easily. I never disclose my real age, only that I am middle aged.

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I was worried it’d be picked up by my friends so I took 3 years off both our ages!

Very odd that you've made this such an issue OP. That's no age gap at all. I dumped a man for lying to me about his age years back. Told me he was fifty not fiftyfive initially. I wouldn't have cared about the age but did about the lie.

I’m nearly 4 yrs older than DP, been together 27 years and it’s never been an issue. Just come clean and you can stop worrying about it.

Oh yes I have been in this situation. A girl from work set me up with her boyfriends friend. She was 4 years younger than me, and he assumed I was the same age. He was 25 and I was 29. At the time I was so torn on telling him. I felt the age gap was huge at the time and that I was such a cougar. I remember him telling me about his older brother about to turn 30 and that was so ancient to him. That was my perfect moment to tell him, but I never did so I ended up ignoring his messages, I remember my friend at work telling me he was so upset because he didn't know what he had done wrong. Truth is I just didn't fancy him all that much. I am 48 now and it is sort of comforting to know the same old dating issues crop up after my time has passed. A circle of life kind of moment.

100% this - my first reaction to that would have been irritation as he was obviously taking the mickey.

Women don’t have to tell their age.

He must know that.

People change details all the time on Mumsnet for the exact reason you've just proved. People trawl through threads looking to nitpick and out a poster.

Point is…. Even on an anonymous forum the Op can’t bring herself to be honest about her age.

And this isn’t the first thread about her age concerns in relating to dating.

There are obviously issues

Men don't have to have relationships with women who would lie over something so trivial as their age.

But both threads have been about age!! So why lie about something quite relevant to the thread

This reminds me of my parents. When they met they realised their birthdays were one day apart. My Dad assumed they were born the same year and Mum didn’t correct him to say she was actually born four years earlier. She didn’t tell him until they went to arrange their wedding. By then, she was worried he’d be really upset about it but he didn’t care at all.

The man I’m seeing?

So what if there are. None of your business.