Not disclosing my age to new lover

[Pomegranatecarnage]

I met a man through a friend about a month ago. My friend is 4 years younger than me, and this guy was in school with her, so I knew his age. We’ve been on 10 dates already, and have planned our first night together tonight! However-he said something last night that made me realise that he thinks I’m younger than him. I’m 3 years and 5 months older. I don’t want to tell him-but should I? He’s never asked my age. I thought he already knew. AIBU to avoid the question?

Tell him sooner rather than later. It will come out eventually. It’s not a big deal.

This is only relevant if you’re both in your teens.

4 years is nothing. If the genders were reversed I bet you wouldn't consider this any sort of age difference. It's a shame that even now, there's a stigma attached to a woman being even a tiny bit older than her male partner.

Anyway, if this is heading towards a possibly serious relationship, of course you must tell him. He's going to find out at some stage, and will wonder why you kept this from it. That's potentially a much bigger issue than an insignificant 'age difference.'

I'm 3.5 years older than DH. It's never, ever been an issue or even mentioned particularly.
Unless you're very young it's not an issue.

I'm 57. DH is 54. It's never been an issue (obvs), I would just tell him now as the longer you leave it the bigger the lie (by omission) will feel.

If he's getting naked he isn't going to flounce out because of a couple of years.

When I was dating my now husband, I said something about a particular song being in the charts when I did my 'O' Levels. He thought for a bit and then said 'how old are you?' and I told him and asked him how old he was. Turned out he was 7, nearly 8, years younger than me. Married him six months after first date, 30 years later, still married and still 7, nearly 8 years older than him.

I would tell him before you sleep with him. Sorry I don’t understand either why you didn’t immediately say when he made the wait until you hit your fifties remark. What on earth has the fact you’d been drinking got to do with it ?
Anyway I also agree that 3 years is an absolute non issue.

I do know someone who thought her boyfriend was 10 years younger than he really was. They went on holiday and she found out his real age when checking in as she saw his passport. She left the airport.

Got yourself a toyboy eh you cradle snatcher.

Just tell him, it will be so embarassing if it comes out another way or someone mentions it and he thinks you lied to appear younger than you are,

Grow up are you all 15! 3 years is nothing. Tell him.

I'd correct his assumption quickly with good humour and wait and see what his reaction is. Take the initiative/control of the situation. Otherwise, you risk him finding out for himself unexpectedly, which wouldn't be ideal.

If it is an issue (although I suspect it won't be!) then being dumped after developing feelings or sleeping with him, is going to be unpleasant.

No issue if you’re both just having fun. An issue if there’s a relationship on the horizon and you are both 30 something.

I would say something like ‘oh remember when you said about turning 50. Well been there done that’. You don’t need to say well actually I’m 57 if you don’t want to become reduced to a number. If he’s polite he won’t ask you how old you are. And please don’t ever use the term ‘lover’ again!

Definitely! Less flannelling than fishing I reckon - he knows you’re not in your 40s, OP, he was just giving you the opportunity to disclose your age without asking outright. And if you’re that bashful about it even whilst planning to get naked with him, he probably read the situation right, didn’t he?!

That's the point where you were supposed to laugh and say "I wish...."

Tell his ASAP before it gets weird that you haven't told him.

Just say 'hey remember when you said that when I hit 50 my joints will start going (or whatever), well i'm actually 57!'

I had a friend who got into this situation with a guy she was seeing, she was also 3 years older and he had assumed she was the same age as him - both in their 40's. It went on for so long it became a huge thing in her head she was always stressing about it.

Eventually she came clean, and luckily for her he laughed it off and could see how distressed the whole thing was making her.

Agree - he's testing the water to see the OP's reaction. Unlikely to matter at those ages anyway so I don't see the issue with being honest.

Exactly...I don't understand why you didn't say anything then? What did you say?

I would wait for a chance to mention it naturally, e.g. talking about something in the past, "I was 25 at the Millennium" or he mentions a friend's 50th "Mine was last year and my friends took me out for lunch" - that kind of thing, rather than making a point of telling him.

10 dates and counting

Strange non-problem for a thread. You obviously don't have to barrel in and announce that you're 57 out of nowhere, and it's understandable if you were thrown and didn't say anything in the moment, but it would be tremendously weird to either consciously keep from disclosing your age or to lie about it when the subject comes up again, which it will.

This.

Bit embarrassing!

Yes. That’s right, it’s just the way I am.