Not disclosing my age to new lover

[Pomegranatecarnage]

I met a man through a friend about a month ago. My friend is 4 years younger than me, and this guy was in school with her, so I knew his age. We’ve been on 10 dates already, and have planned our first night together tonight! However-he said something last night that made me realise that he thinks I’m younger than him. I’m 3 years and 5 months older. I don’t want to tell him-but should I? He’s never asked my age. I thought he already knew. AIBU to avoid the question?

Huh?

Think of this of a male (choosing not to disclose) lieing about his age we would all be saying it's a red flag.
Choosing not to disclose imo is lieing so your misleading him. It's for him alone to say if it's a problem.

But if he’s said something about her being younger, it would be deceptive of her not to correct him.

It has come up in conversation as he made a comment about her being younger than him and she didn’t correct him. To me that’s pretty much lying by omission.

i think we need the context of age here. If he’s 17 and OP is 20, it would be relevant. Or if he’s 37 and wants kids but she’s 40 it’s relevant. If they’re both in their 50s or don’t want kids then less so

Just tell him - not like its a big gap as long as one of you isn’t a teen!

Are you nearer 40 so fertility an issue in your head?

Any adult who'd consider three years and five months (which adult counts their age in months anyway?) to be any kind of age gap is obviously not especially mature.

If that puts him off you then it wasn't to be. It would be embarrassing and unnecessary to lie about your age.

Three years? So what if he thinks you’re younger! I’d only tell him if he asks or says something like ‘when you hit 40 (30, 50 whatever). It’s not like you are Liz Jones who lied to her husband, shaving five years off her age (she was 41, she said she was 36, he was 25).

your friend has probably already told him!

I am 57 and he’s 54, so children are not on the cards.

This is what happened. He was talking about an age-related issue and I said I hadn’t experienced that particular problem-he said, “wait till you hit 50, that’s when it all starts falling apart.” I’m 57.

Seriously, counting the months in your 50s? Hopefully this thread helps you see how silly this worry is. I figured you’d either be in your 20s or hitting a fertility decline age.

Then you are very close in age and there's no need to mention it. The only problem is if you feel bad about it, but I can't see why you should. If he asks directly, just tell him. Nothing wrong iwth being 57 and he obviously fancies you.

I’m 57. We both have adult children.

I'd put a tenner on him already suspecting you're over 50 but he was being gallant.

Don’t be a weirdo 😂

We both have two adult children of the same ages.

Oh!!!! Then you look very young for your age. Why not see how the relationship goes before giving away personal information. He doesn't have a 'right to know'.

Very likely!

Then no need to be so silly. If he genuinely thinks you are under 50 (there’s a good chance he was being polite seen as you are still dating) then take it as a compliment and correct him. Don’t make it weird for nothing

I didn’t deliberately lie by omission. I was confused when he made the, “wait till you hit 50” comment and I had been drinking.

Maybe! 🤔

I probably look younger than 57 as I still have no grey hair and my hair is long. When he sees me naked I think he’ll suspect I’m older 🤣

Its not exactly a big deal is it. My 2nd husband was 11 years younger than me. We are divorced for non age related reasons.
My stepfather is 4 years younger than my mum. And they've been married for 60 years.

I thought you were going to say 20 years! 3 years is nothing. Would you date him if he was 3 years older than you?

The thought of being happy to have sex with someone but withholding your age as "personal information" is wild.