DH changing the house without my input

[PersephoneParlormaid]

I went away for the weekend and as a ‘surprise’ DH changed something in the house, it’s been fitted by a professional so not easily changed, and I have no choice but to use it daily until it breaks several years from now. DH said he did it to be nice. I said that I don’t like him changing things without some input from me as it’s my house too. He said I’m ungrateful.
Do I have to be grateful for things I don’t want/didn't ask for?

Voted unreasonable because you're asking for your indignation to be validated without explaining exactly what you're indignant about.

The honestly can, they just need to think about what they are planning and communicate. Surprise and delight us, is sorting the loft/garage out, when it was about to be a joint effort.

Yes it does matter somewhat. I’m trying to think of something built in that I’d use daily that would possible be objectionable. Though I can imaging my (late) DH spending any money on something that affects the whole house without talking about it.
So yes I’d be annoyed too, unless it was something I had mentioned I’d love to have!

You're going for the bar, or to the bar ? If the second I'll join you 😀

Both! 🍷

I’m going for an underground bunker to store 3 days worth of emergency rations in, and hide out from the apocalypse.

😀 Good plan. It's the only way we can make sense of this bonkers thread.

You know that on 'dadsnet' or similar there is probably a post that goes something like this...

My wife went away for a weekend and while she was away I had a new appliance fitted in the house. We'd needed a new one for a while and it will make both our lives easier, so I organised it all as a nice surprise for when she got home.
However she went off on one and said I shouldn't have done it without consulting her first - like it isn't my house as well?

YABU - absolutely you should never make a (even positive) change to the house without consulting your OH for every detail first.
YANBU - it's your house too, of course you can do things that make it better

rotating pole dancers pole in the front room?

I would be upset by this. DH and I both own the house, so we both should have input into big changes. Im sure the DH meant well and everything.

Cheers 🥂!

for sure it does. Plumbed in fridge that gives ice and cooled water? brilliant.
Wired up gaming console and chair in the middle of the living room? not so much

God, me too! I always discuss any changes I'd like to make with DH - we're renovating an old house, the latest in a long line of projects, so everything is talked through at length before decisions are reached. If he did something like putting in a new kitchen or bathroom as a 'surprise in my absence, I'd be furious!

I agree no-one can advise the OP without knowing what the item in question is, but overall assuming eg, an oven/dishwasher etc, I'd not be happy - unless he'd hinted at his plan and I'd had an opportunity to tell him the model/features I'd like.

When chosing our new kitchen for example, I talked though dishwasher options with DH and know that if left to him we'd have one with completely different functions to my preference - he agreed the one I picked was better.

I don't think being grateful comes into it - you can appreciate his effort but I'd make it clear it's not what you would have chosen.

I bet he got a giant TV installed in your living room, knowing you don’t like big TVs. He didn’t do it to be ‘nice’. He didn’t it because he wanted it and knew you’d say no.
I’m right, aren’t I…

The OP is right. It doesn’t make any difference as to what it is. Permanent changes need mutual agreement.

Was it something that needed doing that you as a couple were putting off?

Or did it very recently need doing?

9 pages on "my husband changed something about the house, I can't tell you what that something is, but please agree with me that I am right to be annoyed about whatever this may be" 🤣🤣🤣. Why make a thread, go rant at your friends in real life about it, least they will know what you are actually talking about.

Meh, I came down this morning to find the kettle has been replaced with a fairly expensive one that matches some of the other appliances. Had he mentioned this to me first, I'd have said I wanted the same brand as the toaster instead.

It's not a £10 jobbie that makes everything smell of plastic, so I still get tea either way and didn't actually have to make any effort in replacing it.

Same way he came home to be told by text that there was a new microwave in the kitchen and he needed to unpack it as it was too heavy for me to lift up about 3 months ago.

Unless he's replaced perfectly serviceable higher end stuff with the cheapest on AO, it's not that big a deal.

Yes plus OP's friends are probably in the lucky position of having been able to try out the shiny new toilet in the middle of the lounge.

Depends on how much you hate it and whether that’s just because you don’t like the look of it or whether it’s more that it doesn’t actually work well. Also depends on the price of it because if he’s spent thousands and you hate it then that isn’t a “kind” thing to do and he should’ve consulted you.

I'm sure it made "This Morning" even more of a treat.

Or maybe that’s because a lot of posters are answering what they feel like answering, including beimg nozy about what is the thing her dh did and wanting to judge aroubd what the dh did rather than the question the OP is asking: are you supposed to be grateful even if you really don’t like or want the item you had no choice on.

Fwiw I dint think the OP was fishing first a pile on.

You don't have to be grateful.
I do hope you don't complain about carrying the 'mental load' when you complain about him taking initiative.

Even if it’s not worth thousands but it’s going to stay there for a few years, it still would be pain wouldn’t it?
Like you really wanted an induction hob and your dh had another gas hob fitted instead.

ok, actually that’s a good question. What IS mental load?

If you’re carrying the mental load, dies it mean you’re taking g unilateral decisions? Like you’re organising the hols but you’re never checking with your dh if he is happy with the location or hotel?
Youre setting up some afterschool activities for a dc and then tell your dh he has to take them to training every Saturday because training in Tuesday evening and Saturday am?

Imo the mental load means you’re responsible for keeping tabs and organising. It’s never meant to say you’re never checking with your partner before big or non routine decisions.
That’s is a matter of respect fir your partner really