DH changing the house without my input

[PersephoneParlormaid]

I went away for the weekend and as a ‘surprise’ DH changed something in the house, it’s been fitted by a professional so not easily changed, and I have no choice but to use it daily until it breaks several years from now. DH said he did it to be nice. I said that I don’t like him changing things without some input from me as it’s my house too. He said I’m ungrateful.
Do I have to be grateful for things I don’t want/didn't ask for?

Can only suppose it's a toilet in the living room, in which case, no, you are allowed to be a bit miffed.

Best answer . 😂 miniature bath 😁

Yes and now he wants to make the bathroom his man cave! Bloody men! What can you bloody do ?

Because you aren't getting the replies you'd hoped for-which is obviously a pile on on DH-so now you are annoyed.

OK. Yes, if they are well thought out, good quality things that are useful. No if they are pointless tat. Hard to say more without knowing what is is.

But, in general, if he made a decent home improvement as a nice surprise for you, the correct response is to appreciate it. To kick off because he didn't ask your express permission seems petulant and spoilt.

But of course, without knowing what the item is, and what your objections to it are, this is just a generalisation.

I’m guessing you feel this isn’t an improvement? Is it something you use daily but he doesn’t ever use? In which case it’s fair enough for you to be angry.

I'm curious as to what it is,, but I have to agree @PersephoneParlormaid that you shouldn't need to be grateful for something you didn't ask for.

When DH and I had our first child, he was mates with a man at work (Steve) and we had been out about half a dozen times with him and his wife (Linda) in the previous year and a half. As soon as I came home after having our first child (a week later as I'd had an emergency c-section,) I started to try and get in a routine.

On day 6 after coming home, DH had gone back to work, and Steve's wife Linda turned up at my door with a box of doughnuts, and a bottle of wine... at 10am. The baby had been up since 5am, and had just gone to sleep for their morning nap, and I was about to put my head down as I was shattered, when Linda turned up. She actually tried the front door before knocking. She was going to let herself in. Good job the door was locked!

Anyway, long story short, my DH had had a word with Steve and asked him if Linda could pop round and keep me company and offer some support. (She was a mum too, of one son who was 6, and was at school.)

I was so pissed off. She stayed for 4 HOURS. Bleating to me about what I should and shouldn't be doing, and necking all the wine herself (I was breastfeeding so didn't drink any,) and I just wanted her to leave.

I was furious with DH, but he thought I should be grateful and should have thanked him! Again, don't expect me to thank you for something I didn't ask for, and definitely didn't want!

tl;dr she didn't come around again, as I contacted Steve and said I didn't want visitors as I prefer being alone, and that Linda being here for 4 hours was overwhelming and exhausting, and if I do want help I have a mother and a mother in law, They gave us a wide berth after that. Suited me as I found them a bit overbearing anyway. DH was pissed off though. Shouldn't have pushed Linda on me for 4 hours when I didn't ask then!

Outdoor toilets are a very trendy throwback
I’d be grateful for the exercise and fresh air
yabu

Quite convenient, but not for everyone.

I’d be grateful for the exercise and fresh air

Not in the dead of winter you won't be! 😬

They didn't put bathrooms indoors for nothing!

Although I do think it would be handy to have a second loo sometimes, when DH hogs the bathroom for three quarters of an hour! 😱

Of course it matters what it is, if DH changed the surround sound I couldn’t give a hoot, if he changed a kitchen appliance that only I use, in my pride and joy kitchen , I would be furious.

Yep, no WAY is a toilet ever going in our living room. I can't imagine being that close to DH's shits! 😱

😂😂
The bathroom along the landing is bad enough at times!

I agree. Poor OP.

I suppose cover it up with a throw and put the Christmas tree on it. Even so.

Some people just love being the centre of attention, don't they ?

We're you consulted on the designs?

I'd go bloody spare if I wasn't.

@PersephoneParlormaid YANBU, it's not acceptable to permanently change something in somebody's home without consulting them first.

You're very creative! I was thinking an attractive tray with a pot plant, maybe a scented candle.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’ve been desperately trying to think of household items that are used every day but only lasts a few years.

hamsters?

Bidet?

I'm amazed at the number of posters who say they would be perfectly happy with somebody unilaterally making a permanent change to their home that they had never even spoken about.

I think this is why we're saying it depends what it is.

Huge tv for his sports viewing dressed up as a gift for op
.

Blimey, like 21st century ‘Changing Rooms’.

Come home to a smashed £6k teapot collection, MDF Greek goddesses, purple ceiling and a wall of hair 😂

I'm still reeling from the post from someone who was happy that her DH had a kitchen put in in her absence without any discussion!

Do you get agreement from DH for every change you make to the house? Soft furnishings? Plants in the garden? What colour you're going to paint the skirting boards?