DH changing the house without my input

[PersephoneParlormaid]

I went away for the weekend and as a ‘surprise’ DH changed something in the house, it’s been fitted by a professional so not easily changed, and I have no choice but to use it daily until it breaks several years from now. DH said he did it to be nice. I said that I don’t like him changing things without some input from me as it’s my house too. He said I’m ungrateful.
Do I have to be grateful for things I don’t want/didn't ask for?

Is it one of those toilet roll holders which plays a tune?

If it is that identifying, why are you the only person in the UK to use it daily? Whatever it is, which you cannot say for fear of being outed.

Fitted by a professional for some people could mean a dishwasher, cookers are also fitted by professionals especially if gas

You sound like you rule the roost.
I bet your DH nevers does anything with out your permission.

It absolutely does depend on if you like / are happy using the new item. My DH has replaced the washing machine without consulting me - I couldn’t care less he researched the one he bought and it works better than the old one. I was grateful it was something I didn’t have to do. He also bought the TV and sound system - which I had no interest in. However if he replaced the oven without telling me I’d be fuming unless it was an upgraded version of the one we have (in which case I’d be delighted!).

Maybe yabu, maybe yanbu.
I mean with that info you can't expect proper answers, can you🤷

It's not going to be a big thing like a bathroom if it was just at the weekend, I'm going with kitchen appliance or telly

Is it one of those beds that comes down from the wall? No dust bunnies for you!

I once changed the entire living room while DH was in a 2 week business trip. It took him a month to notice.

It matters because it could have been a legitimate change that improves the home and you’re just being stroppy.

Is it on of those Japanese toilets that warm the seat and play soothing music?

Is it a Stannah Stairlift?

Whatever it is he should have discussed it with you first and not gone about it in an underhand way unless you genuinely think that he had your best intentions at heart and wanted to give you a lovely surprise on your return.

What a weird question - of course it depends. It is entirely possible to be grateful for things you didn't ask for that's the point of surprise presents. If it's something you hate if be looking at removing it I guess.

DH changes things in the house quite often without consulting me. Overall I'm extremely grateful he takes on the responsibility of household things. How grateful I am for a particular thing depends on what it is. I love tyr wallpaper he recently put up. I'm utterly indifferent about his choice of dishwasher bur like having one.

What a ridiculous post if you’re not gonna say what the item is!!
so paranoid that we are all gonna know who you are cuz you’ve had a new light switch fitted or whatever it was ! 😂

On the theme of answering questions, any chance of an answer to the one practically everyone has asked?

You know you don't have to do anything. So the question is: should you focus more on this having been a romantic gesture or focus on your frustration at him having missed the mark. Only you know what his intentions were and if historically, he has a habit of disrespecting your input.

No you do not have to be grateful. If something involves a professional to fit it we would discuss the item/purchase together. That isn’t controlling from either side but rather a joint understanding of where our money goes and if said item was the best use of it.

Depends if it affects your quality of life for the better or worse. Be grateful if it is an improvement, be pissed off if it has made life worse.

Change something in the house without asking him and see what his reaction would be.

I've got it ! It's one of those trendy wine cooler fridge doo-dahs. Bet that's what it is.

😂😂

What an utterly pointless thread.

My DH did a thing, but I can’t tell you what it is. AIBU to be upset?

👍🏼

No, you don't "have" to be grateful. You either are or you aren't. That's up to you. Is your question actually "Do I have to pretend to be grateful"? Which isn't the same.

Changing something major/permanent should be a joint decision. Making a change he already knows you want, yes I'd personally be grateful. Making a change off his own bat that affected me daily, without any input from you - no I would not be. I'd be disappointed or annoyed, depending on the change. Even genuine good intentions don't get a free pass if the outcome isn't actually welcome.

If its a domestic appliance, no you don't have to be grateful for your husband buying you a new one, whether you like it or not. Because a tool to do domestic work shouldn't be a gift from husband to wife (unless she has a passion for cooking or hoovering is her hobby).
However if its something like a bed or shower that you would normally take responsibility for, and you've been saying "I must get that sorted" and not got round to, I can see he may have thought he was doing a good thing in getting it done. So you could be expected to appreciate the gesture if not the item itself.

It doesn’t just depend on the item, it also depends on whether you like your husband. If you like him, you’d be happy that he’s done something nice. If you don’t, it’s something else to hate him for.