Should I ask for funeral payment back?

[Andrea18]

My son, a widower passed a few weeks ago, leaving only his daughter as his sole survivor.

As she did not have much money I offered to pay for the funeral and did so.

Then my granddaughter discovered a savings account with nearly £9000 in it.

She has managed to get the savings amount transferred to herself so now has over £9000 more than she had before.

Should I ask her for the money for the funeral back as I only offered to pay for my son's funeral because she believed she didn't have the money?

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Well, at the very least you should split the cost.

Did he leave a will?

How old is the daughter?

These threads tonight - are they all just rage bait??

Wow. You don’t want to pay for your son’s funeral?

i put yabu but it's because i assume the savings account is your granddaughters. If it is then YABU. But if its your sons, I think its ok to ask for it. Whose is it?

He passed a few weeks ago and she has access to his money already?

If it was your sons account then it's a matter of probate and his estate needs to settle the bill.

How much of a say did you have over the funeral? tbh, if you were pushing for "the best", as many people understandably do in such sad circumstances, then really i think you need to contribute regardless of who is legally responsible.

Sorry for your loss. I agree with @BiggerIsAlwaysBetter

And for the record, anyone can click and read your edit where you originally wrote

‘I offered to pay for the funeral, which of course had to be paid before it could take place so I paid it.’

Anyone who’s ever arranged a funeral for a loved one knows this is bullshit.

@ABOOO actually it’s not. I did have to pay for my DH funeral before it could go ahead as did my friend for his dad. That’s only in the last two years.

plus under a certain amount banks can in fact release funds held in the deceased’s account before probate has been granted (if required)

I’ve literally buried my dad and my husband in the last year and it is actually bullshit.

The most you’re asked for is a deposit up front.

Most people have to wait for life insurance etc to pay out and they accept that so will invoice afterwards.

ETA and pre probate payments still take time.

My DB and I had to pay for our mother’s funeral in advance. About five years ago now.
So it seems there is some variation in this…

Yes so much variation that the OP inexplicably edited it out.

FIL died earlier this year and we certainly didn't have to pay up front. In fact the undertaker was very understanding and happy to wait until probate came through.

I actually had the money upfront and the undertaker refused to take it until they eventually got round to invoicing me a month later.

All I wanted to do was get it paid off.

Yeah, my mum's brother and sister paid for my mum's funeral after it took place 2 years ago. They didn't want me to pay them back when I got her small legacy either - they wanted to pay it.

Edited to explain better.

There is no way she has had the contents of his savings account transferred to herself within a couple of weeks. It really doesn’t work like that. I think you’ve misunderstood.

I can't get my head round this really.

Losing your son is obviously awful, every parents worse nightmare, and you have my sympathy for that.

What I can't understand is why you might want to haggle with your granddaughter about who pays for what.

Good luck with that and the coop funeral service. Pay up front or don’t get the funeral.

I think it depends on the funeral company.

I think I had to pay half of my dad's upfront. When DH died 6 years ago, in spite of lockdown I had to go into the parlour to sign a document promising to pay and - as executor and wife - I was able to access my husband's bank account straight away. (I think it was because the amount in the account was below 50k).

I can't remember the precise details, but the money was paid out the account and the rest then transferred into a separate account in my name.

I'm in Scotland, so possibly that made a difference. This was all done before confirmation (our equivalent of probate) went through, but the bank didn't require the confirmation process, given the amount. (Our solicitor organised confirmation for me.)

There was no IHT.

I wondered about this. But perhaps OP has little or no savings left after paying for the funeral, and she has looming debts/other financial problems?

OP, I'm so sorry to hear about your son. And I hope you and your grand-daughter can sort this out without falling out over money

Yes, it was the Co-op that I used for my dad and my husband. Thank you.

The woman at 'front of house' was a former pupil, and I think she was embarrassed, but probably more so about the form I was required to fill up for cremation. I had to specify what had to be done with any metal recovered.

Normally, a spouse, child or grandchild would pay for this using the estate. Other family members only step in when there are no funds.

For all we know, the OP may need that money. A funeral is usually about 5K. Not everyone has unlimited funds.

When my husband died, my BIL was kind enough to ask whether I needed help paying for the funeral, but the money in the bank was there to cover it.

I lost my dad 5 years ago. I was given an invoice by the undertaker, I took it to his bank, and they paid it directly from his bank account before his funeral. In all honesty his was the first funeral I had ever arranged, so I am unsure if they would have waited for payment.

I also had 2 life insurance policies pay me before we went through probate because they were for small amounts of money, but these were included in the total sum that went to probate.

I would personally

She wouldnt of had access to the money already