Should I ask for funeral payment back?

[Andrea18]

My son, a widower passed a few weeks ago, leaving only his daughter as his sole survivor.

As she did not have much money I offered to pay for the funeral and did so.

Then my granddaughter discovered a savings account with nearly £9000 in it.

She has managed to get the savings amount transferred to herself so now has over £9000 more than she had before.

Should I ask her for the money for the funeral back as I only offered to pay for my son's funeral because she believed she didn't have the money?

.

Perfectly reasonable if there is a will and probate isn’t required

Can you afford it? Then don't ask for it back. She's lost her parents before their time if her grandmother is still alive, 9k isn't much in the grand scheme of things so no, I wouldn't ask for it back u less younreally can't afford it.

Actually for some funerals this is correct - payment in advance.

If the deceased has bank accounts with funds in then the bank will release funds to pay the funeral directors for the funeral directly, no need to wait for probate.

That is how it was for my dad in covid time - payment in full in advance
They would not even collect him from the hospital morgue until they had got their money.

No, any funeral has to be paid for, in advance now. I had to settle the full costs of my parent’s and my DH’s funeral at least a week before. I think funeral directors are too wary now of doing it all, and then the relatives can’t pay. 🤷‍♀️

Op can you afford not to ask for the money?

I actually feel sorry for your DGD who obviously has no savings, is relatively young and no parents to fall back on.

If you passed away would your estate be likely to attract inheritance tax?

I'd ask her to invest the money wisely

Bloody hell - you must have been on to the bereavement team at the bank within hours of her dying if you got her money within a week!

Agree. My dad died 3 years ago and the funeral director wanted the full £7k upfront before the day. Luckily my dads had money in a savings account so Barclays paid the funeral director themselves when we presented the invoice.

On the other hand my friend only got the invoice for her mums funeral (4 years ago) a few weeks after. So it probably depends on the form.

Op - I don’t think you should ask for the money - he was your son and didn’t have a partner. Unless you’ve taken out a loan or debt to pay it then let your granddaughter keep the £9k.

Why do some people have no concept that not all funeral directors are the same? I used to work as a funeral arranger and we were not allowed to permit a funeral to go out without full payment up front. That could come from the estate (invoice submitted to the bank or insurer), or the family could pay or seek a loan, but it was always made clear that full payment was required.

OP, in your scenario, it would depend on the relationship with his DD and the financial situation of you both. Is this your granddaughter, or is it a child he had through a second marriage? From what you wrote, it sounds as though she didn't have the means to pay prior to the discovery of the savings account. If you're quite comfortable money wise then I wouldn't ask for anything back. If you have little savings of your own then at most I'd probably ask if she could fund half the cost of the funeral.

Like others I'm intrigued how the DD got access to his savings within a few weeks of your son's passing and before probate.

I would think what would my son want me to do. And unless there’s a backstory, he would prioritise his daughter’s future over yours.
Therefore, in his memory, I wouldn’t ask to be reimbursed.

Working at a bank and That's incorrect how quickly money can be sorted. If a will and death certificate are produced a bank can sort it within hours. For very large amounts it may take longer depending if there's more than one recipient but if there is just one beneifactor it does not take long at all.

It should come out of the £9k as that is his estate which generally pays for the funeral

Exactly. This is how we paid for my Mum's cremation and headstone. I presented the invoice in a branch and they transferred the funds on the spot.

As for the funds, when my Dad died, the one bank account that wasn't in their joint names was released to her on sight of the death certificate and will because the amount was below whatever the Bank of Scotland's limit is - £20000? Above that you need confirmation (in Scotland) or probate in England/Wales/NI.

We have found the bereavement team at Bank of Scotland very on the ball. Everything has happened very promptly. It took longer to get my Dad's ISA transferred to my Mum because HMRC seem to require a special form to be filled in, but once I'd got that sorted out it was fine. But as I just posted, all of this only applies if the sums involved are relatively low. My Mum died recently and we are going to have to get confirmation before the bank will release the funds to us because this time the balance on the account exceeds their limit.

It's worth checking probate amounts in banks as they do vary with Premium Bonds only being £5k, especially if your situation means that you wouldn't have to get probate at all if you arranged your money differently and would need it quickly if someone died, so not wise to have all your worldly wealth in £6k of premium bonds.

Similar happened to me. I paid for it then after probate, the accounts were unfrozen so I asked for it back from the savings he wasn’t aware of. You could ask for half back?

Exactly. Another detail the OP has not mentioned is if her son left a house which will now be sold, or any other assets that may take time to realise. If he left a will and only had one child it's likely she will get the proceeds in due course. If he left no will, she definitely will.

Some posters are reacting as if the granddaughter was a teenager. We don't know what age she is. She could be in her 30s or even 40s.

£5k! Gosh, that's low. Good point. I was enormously relieved when Dad died that we didn't have to go for confirmation. There was enough admin to do without that. Add to that the cost of a solicitor for those who don't feel confident or don't have the time to do it all themselves.

Posted after midnight… of course it’s genuine! 😳🤣🤣

Rage bait.

@Andrea18 so sorry for your loss and sorry for your grandaughter too. As to whether you should ask to be reimbursed I think it depends on your relationship with your grandaughter and your own financial circumstances. Yes legally the costs should be paid from his estate but your grandaughter needs to be aware that all his debts need to be paid rather than her just keeping this money. Is she the appointed executor or just doing what she thinks? Depending on her age and knowledge she may need some help to navigate what needs to be done before she spends the £9k.

No mention of haggling. If the OP is subsisting on a fairly low income with a small rainy day fund which she used to pay for her son's funeral because her granddaughter didn't have the ready cash to pay for the funeral, I am really surprised that the granddaughter hasn't come back to Granny and offered to reimburse her. Of course, if the OP is loaded and the granddaughter knows that, it would be a different story. But we don't know any of that.

See this is why I very rarely come to mn anymore... There is such a lot of bullshit and ai now. There is the very slim chance that this is genuine of course, but even if so the background level of bullshit ruins any trust and good will anyway. Sorry if I'm wrong about this specific thread op.