Should I ask for funeral payment back?

[Andrea18]

My son, a widower passed a few weeks ago, leaving only his daughter as his sole survivor.

As she did not have much money I offered to pay for the funeral and did so.

Then my granddaughter discovered a savings account with nearly £9000 in it.

She has managed to get the savings amount transferred to herself so now has over £9000 more than she had before.

Should I ask her for the money for the funeral back as I only offered to pay for my son's funeral because she believed she didn't have the money?

.

Absolutely not unless I was broke.
Sorry for your loss x

She might.

the probate threshold for some banks is very high- 35k, even 50k for some.

all you need to do is rock up with the will showing you as executor and death cert and they will transfer the funds across.

family member managed to steal a shitload of money after a relatives death this way. Simply emptied all the bank accounts, and because they were all under the limit probate wasn’t required, so no accounting, the will remained private etc. we suspect they have somewhere between 50 and 100k.

o/p if you need the money you’re going to have to speak to her and explain the funeral legally should be paid for out of the estate, so you are owed than money.

if you can afford it, let it go.

It isn't bullshit.

My DH's funeral had to be paid for in advance, as did my mother's. Both were thus year.

I think you would be rather mean to ask for the funeral costs back from your granddaughter.

Yes, she could have. Many banks have a threshold of £50k for requiring probate and £9k is obviously well within that.

When my DH died earlier this year (and my mother just three months after him) all I had to do was produce the death certificates at their banks. Within about 3 weeks the funds all came through to me.

In the three funerals I've been involved in organising, the details were as per this PP's experience. Two were with a small family firm in a rural Scottish town, where everyone knows each other, and the Funeral Director knew we were good for it. When my best friend's Mum died, there was no money to pay for the funeral, so three of us helped her out, as the Co-op needed basic costs covered before they'd book the Crematorium.

Oh yeah, and OP, I think it would probably be a bit of a dick move to ask for the money from your granddaughter, unless you're struggling financially. It's your son, and unless there's a significant back story about estrangement, or the like, then I'd have thought you would be ok with doing that last thing for him - and helping your granddaughter too. £9k isn't that much for losing a parent, in the grand scheme of things......

I'm sorry for your family's loss.

Yes, that chimes with my experience of the Co-op in Fife. It was the same when a neighbour organised her husband's funeral, even using their cheapest option (where you had to take the crematorium slot that they gave you).

Yes, that was my experience when my husband died. I had access to my husband's main bank account almost immediately.

£9000 is a tiny amount of money for an estate.

You should not ask her for the money back.

A tiny amount? For some, that might be the whole estate: not everyone has a house to sell.

For many people £9k is not a “tiny amount”.

lots of people simply don’t have that money just lying around.

Not in Fife, but not far from there.....

actually it’s not. I did have to pay for my DH funeral before it could go ahead as did my friend for his dad. That’s only in the last two years

Ditto. I had to pay in advance for a funeral I arranged last year.

Buried my mother in July just 3 months ago. The full amount had to be paid before the funeral took place. I questioned it, but was told it was company policy.
The funeral went really well, it was everything we could have wanted for our dear mother and more, but yes we paid the full amount in advance.

It really can happen. My dad had just £7000 in an account and his bank just transferred it to me a week after his death as they were happy to do so without probate as it was a small amount.

No. Your granddaughter needs that £s more than you.

Firstly I am sorry for your loss, this must be a really difficult time. It all depends on circumstances. If resources allow, I would not ask for the money, but I am conscious that a funeral can be very expensive and this may have been a substantial portion of our life savings. In which case, then I would ask your GD if you can go halves.

For funeral costs, a bank or building society will usually allow a withdrawal prior to probate if a funeral invoice can be produced, so there should not be an issue in accessing funds for this purpose.

I would imagine the ‘normal’ process you describe though is based on it being more unusual that a person dies before their parent. I agree with the PP and unless there is a massive backstory, I can’t imagine trying to get money out of my grandchild for my own son’s funeral.

Sorry for your family’s loss op.

Some horrible replies here. We know nothing about the OP's finances or her granddaughter's. For all we know, the GD is in a well-paid job with no dependants and the OP is living alone on a small pension and used her savings to pay for her son's funeral. I'm surprised the GD didn't offer to pay her GM back.

How old is your granddaughter? I don’t think I could ask for the money in this situation.

Sorry for your loss.

The son’s savings should have paid for his funeral. His daughter cant refuse to reimburse you