Should I ask for funeral payment back?

[Andrea18]

My son, a widower passed a few weeks ago, leaving only his daughter as his sole survivor.

As she did not have much money I offered to pay for the funeral and did so.

Then my granddaughter discovered a savings account with nearly £9000 in it.

She has managed to get the savings amount transferred to herself so now has over £9000 more than she had before.

Should I ask her for the money for the funeral back as I only offered to pay for my son's funeral because she believed she didn't have the money?

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What is your relationship like with your granddaughter? How old is she?

Even if she is a child from a second marriage she's still the OP granddaughter. What with being her son's child...

I wouldnt. Paying for your sons funeral is something you presumably did for him, and that doesnt change now that your granddaughter has 9000 euros. Shes probably going to need that.

How is it bullshit ? I arranged my mum’s funeral in March and it had to be paid for before it could go ahead. The bank had to authorise releasing the money from her account before the estate was settled.

Of course she should pay. *In case it isn't obvious: it isn't her paying. It's money from the estate and it needs to cover the cost of the funeral.

how much was the funeral?

What a way to speak to someone who has lost their adult child.

There is not enough information to ascertain the ages of the DS or the DGD, but it sounds like the DGD is at least a young adult if she is looking for bank accounts etc. She could have been totally independent of her DF. She may also be the executor of her DF will, if he had one, or has applied for letters of administration.

OP is not the NOK and has no responsibility to pay for a funeral of another adult. Ordinarily the funeral would be paid from the estate of the deceased. OP in good faith paid for the funeral as it was believed that there was no cash (we don’t know about any other estate) and has since found out that there was sufficient funds in an account to cover the cost of the funeral. Had that been known at the outset, she would not have offered to pay.

We don’t know the financial circumstances of the OP and how affordable paying for the funeral was but this could have devastated OPs savings. Op may also be of an age where she can’t replenish her savings.

I don’t think it’s fair to say bullshit just because it wasn’t your experience with the company you used. We had to pay for my dads before the service 2 yrs ago.

OP, I am sorry you are having such a hard time on here after your loss.

There is not enough information to be able to say if you should raise this with your DGD as we don’t know what conversation you had with her at the time, or if the £9k was the full estate. We also don’t know how affordable the funeral was for you, or what your relationship is like with your DGD, or her age. I would take those things into consideration as part of my thought process.

You've just lost your son and your main concern is recouping the cost of the funeral from your (now orphaned) grand-daughter?

This is another 'nonsense' thread I reckon.

Well officially funeral costs come from the estate if there is one. So yes, you are entitled to have the money repaid.
Whether you ask your granddaughter for it or not would depend for me on whether you can afford the loss of the money you've paid out.
Because these things are not really just a matter of 'aren't you awful not wanting to pay for your own sons funeral'. This is a stance of privilege. You may have had to take debt to pay, or seriously depleted a nest egg you might need for house repairs or whatever. Whereas your granddaughter has had a windfall she didn't expect so objectively can afford to pay out some of it.
However, if you can afford it, then I wouldn't ask because your granddaughter will likely take the sane tone as the posters who think you're awful for contemplating it.

Some of the replies on here are downright nasty. I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

I think it depends on a lot of other information. Can you afford it? Can she afford it? How old is she?

The estate could afford it as a bank account has been found which would have covered the cost. Has OP known about that at the outset, she probably would not have offered to cover the costs.

I do however agree that how OP approaches things now does depend on a lot of other information.

In most cases I would expect the cost of the funeral to be met out of the estate, assuming the estate is solvent and can meet the expense.

If the £9000 was the sons, I'd usually expect costs to be met from that before any distribution to legatees.

Is there an Executor?

Pathetic isn’t it, no return by the OP, yet leaving people contributing.

MN revenue?

I click to see the OP’s contributions before deciding if I can add anything. Not wasting my time (except for here, 😂 which seemed worth it)

OP isn’t as bothered as you, hasn’t returned!

I'm normally a complete sucker for MN threads but this one seems far fetched even for me. And Op hasn't returned
Surely you'd be wanting to support the GD as much as possible, not be worrying about your savings when you have a GD with none and no parental support?

@BigGameFor just as bothered as you are.

TBH assuming this post is genuine, I don’t blame her for not returning given a lot of the responses.

Actually , it can happen .

not all banks require probate . Some under a certain amount can be paid out , you just need to send them a death certificate and complete some forms .

i do estate work for a living . So yes it can be done quickly.

Yes it’s possible. My mum died she did not own property. All the banks I dealt with paid the money out to us as it was less than 50k so probate wasn’t needed.

I don’t think the OP is coming back….

Is your grand-daughter the sole beneficiary of her dad's estate and will she be receiving an inheritance once probate has been granted or is this £9k the full extent of what she will inherit? How old was your son and how old is your grand-daughter?

I wouldn't begrudge paying for my own child's funeral and I wouldn't be asking for this money back.

I'm losing count at the amount of threads that I keep eye rolling and sighing over these days. Can we not bring back the MN of the past when non-event threads were scarce.

Don't be silly. It's the norm for the estate to pay funeral costs. It's an allowable expense for IHT purposes, so effectively you save tax that way.

The estate is responsible for the bill - the 9k is part of the estate. I would tell GD that as there is now monies in the estate the bill needs to be paid by the estate legally.