I have a first date in a few hours, now he’s texted me something that’s put me off

[Jtfrtj]

I have a first date tonight with a man I’ve never met, we started talking online. He knows I’m very into cooking/baking, and just now while texting him I told him I made some protein pancakes. He asked if he could have some, I joked back that I would make him some, and because they’re protein pancakes they will make him strong. He replied “Strong so I can lift you in bed yeah 😏?”. I’ve never even met this man before. Now I feel that expectation and pressure for sex is there now and feel less excited about meeting him. It also feels very presumptuous of him, like he thinks because I’ve agreed to a date I’m up for sexual activity. I’ve not texted back yet because I’m not sure I want to go now.

For context; I have never made any sexual remarks towards him before or him to me, we have been talking for almost two weeks. I am conventionally attractive but I am not provocative in how I dress or how I present myself online. Most of my photos online are of my travel pictures, scenery and food etc. I don’t think I do anything to invite these remarks or give off the impression that I’d be into that so prematurely, but for some reason men will always try and initiate a conversation about sex before the first date. I’m getting tired of it. Am I overreacting?

His response saying it's a joke calm down would put me off him and make me not want to go. I could cope with the initial joke about lifting into bed because some men get a bit awkward and he might have been testing the waters with you. It wouldn't have been an automatic cancel for me at that point but I wouldn't have liked the second text. He really should have just sincerely apologised for oversteping.

I do think times have changed in that long a time frame. I was last internet dating about fourteen years ago and dick pics were pretty standard. An innuendo was really rather vanilla but maybe as a Gen X I’m a tough old boot. Not much fazes me.

They may fancy the idea of them, Im sure the reality is often a different matter.

Neither do I. I've met many guys who looked and sound great on screen and IRL it was eeewwww 😩

I know right 🙄😅 Lady shut up 😂

OP, you are far too emotionally and socially mature for this man. All the cool girls on the thread, he’s single. Line up!

Also no one has to respond to a poster asking if they are still single as a pathetic underhand insult…🥱

I would have become engulfed in red mist at ‘calm down’

Well dine in binning him off, OP.

No I am a spinster and I have never so much as shaken hands with a man without wearing a pair of marigolds...

... I mean, are you for real? I'm divorced, I've dated plenty since and I've been proposed to three times - is that enough of an answer for you? Who asks that?

And there are lots of nice men out there, of course there are. I never said that there were not. I've met lots, I've dated a few. This just isn't one of them. Clearly.

I have to say that I was a bit more with him until he told you to chill, although his remark was still crass. Telling you to chill, though, is quite controlling. You were fair to give him a chance to apologise.

But what did you mean about making him strong? That was meant to be flirtatious, wasn’t it? What kind of reply were you hoping for?

Well they thought that by saying 'I agree with your principles' that I wouldn't notice it was a thinly veiled insult. Some people don't use their manners on a Sunday I guess.

Dismissive dickish response eh? Fecker.

I’d text him “Well that was exceedingly inappropriate. Seriously, what were you thinking? Sorry but I won’t be meeting you anymore. Please reflect on how you communicate with ladies as that’s not acceptable. I’ve never even met you”. Then block him.

That wasn’t my experience at all. I would never have met up with someone who said what he said to OP. Never been sent a dick pic either from a stranger. Gross.

Well I asked that. You can have very high principles to do with how people communicate online in written form and you can also stay single OR you can find a safe way to meet lots of people in the flesh and try to be less judgmental. I chose one way and other people have chosen a different route. Horses for courses.

Don't bother communicating with him further.
And certainly don't meet. He's probably a member of a disgusting club where they swap statistics like a football league.
Also known as every hole's a goal.
And it is every...esp by subterfuge.
I first heard about this on women's hour a couple of years ago.
Absolutely abhorrent.
Fits with all we are hearing now about husband's drugging wives etc

I did chuckle at that lol. I’m pleased you were never sent unsolicited erections. Maybe it was the free dating site I was using 🤦🏼‍♀️

When I met my dp, a rare good one (imo) and I've met lots of wrong uns, his reply if I had sent what you did op would be something like "oh i'm so sorry I didn't mean to offend you, I was joking but I don't want you to think that's all i'm after so I do apologise".

You did the right thing op!

Previously I would have let that kind of comment go and laughed it off. However I think everyone has a limit and he was already telling you what he wanted. Having your limit/bar in place is a good thing I think men need to step up
its not just about their needs and sex.

I chose high principles online dating and met my husband. Sorry to disprove your cod theory.

He read the message, and didn’t reply. Just blocked me 😂 child.

Bin this one. Please tell me you have thrown this one back?

Nothing less attractive than a man who is desperate to talk about sex and have sex and make anything about sex sex sex that he tries to turn even the most normal thing into sex related chat.

Is he 15?

Some men really do not get it, do they?

Leave those ones to it I say. It's nice when they show themselves up early in the process though, no one likes to waste time.

I love this for you.

The lifting you in bed was poor choice but the "calm down" remark was absolutely yuk! He's clearly shown that he'll trample all over your boundaries and call it a joke and tell you to calm down.

Bullet dodged, well done.

No way would I go on a date with someone who had told me to calm down when challenged reasonably.

He might still be going on a date tonight if he’d said that.

Ha! Saved yourself some time there. Don't forget to block back or I'll put money on you getting either a shitty or sleazy message from him in future.