I have a first date in a few hours, now he’s texted me something that’s put me off

[Jtfrtj]

I have a first date tonight with a man I’ve never met, we started talking online. He knows I’m very into cooking/baking, and just now while texting him I told him I made some protein pancakes. He asked if he could have some, I joked back that I would make him some, and because they’re protein pancakes they will make him strong. He replied “Strong so I can lift you in bed yeah 😏?”. I’ve never even met this man before. Now I feel that expectation and pressure for sex is there now and feel less excited about meeting him. It also feels very presumptuous of him, like he thinks because I’ve agreed to a date I’m up for sexual activity. I’ve not texted back yet because I’m not sure I want to go now.

For context; I have never made any sexual remarks towards him before or him to me, we have been talking for almost two weeks. I am conventionally attractive but I am not provocative in how I dress or how I present myself online. Most of my photos online are of my travel pictures, scenery and food etc. I don’t think I do anything to invite these remarks or give off the impression that I’d be into that so prematurely, but for some reason men will always try and initiate a conversation about sex before the first date. I’m getting tired of it. Am I overreacting?

He just sounds like an immature bellend.

Forget the creeps. Nice guys are out there.
Keep looking. I would never make such a remark unless a lot more involved. Low class

Maybe he thinks this is a sneaky way to find out (1 - cringey) if he’s got any chance at hitting a home run on a first date, while (2 - also cringey) figuring out your figure, I.e., what you weigh, all in one lazy, cringy go.

Yanno, some “cringy” men are “okay,” but come across that way as they’re the kind of guy that just have zero clue about how to talk to women.

Then again, some men come across as “cringy” because they are creepy crazies.

Always get one who doesn’t understand a bit of humour.

I noticed in the past few weeks it seems to be crawling with incel men (just have a look through the Russell Brand thread) spewing their hate of women all over these sorts of threads so I'd imagine it's just more of their shit.

Please listen to this. You don't have to go. You owe him nothing

The point of going on a date with someone is because you're sexually attracted to them.

The point of going on a date with someone for many tends to be to see if they get on in person with a view to seeing if it leads to anything further, dating, relationship, sex etc.

The person may have passed the initial attraction test based off of a photo and some communication, for many women that does not mean that does not mean 'sexual attraction', it just means that they want to meet in person to see if anything is there, and often it isn't.

I didn't take that as a pressure for sex. That seemed like a harmless joke. Also keep in mind that you lack the in person benefit of hearing tone, expressions, etc. He didn't send you a dick pic, say explicitly the pancakes would power specific sex acts, etc. I'm not saying don't be cautious especially with meeting online, and if there has been numerous comments, but one thing may be too judgemental. Be blessed.

😇

Are you on a time delay?? She didn't go and that was about 24 hours ago.

Werner Heisenberg thought he’d solved the “Uncertainty Principle” in 1926, but he’d be totally flummoxed by the “Dating Uncertainty Principles” of 2026…

(…me: on a one-century time delay…🤓)

I have no idea how the fuck some posters are getting that discussion about either protein or pancakes is synonymous with sex. So many people eat protein pancakes at all times of day and make small talk about their protein intake. It’s a perfectly innocuous subject between two people who exercise, and even people who don’t exercise.

I feel so angry that some women (or perhaps they are little incel men masquerading as women, in which case they are insignificant), are insinuating that OP led the man on for talking about protein. The sisterhood is so fucked.

You did the right thing OP. Some (perhaps most?) men will take the slightest hint of an imagined innuendo to link to the possibility of a lay. The message telling him the protein would make him "strong" was probably enough to get him going. If you' have said "big and strong" then he'd have definitely thought he was onto a sure thing 🙄😂Just take care when messaging strange (word used deliberately) men until you've got to know them a bit better.

During my on line days -I had guys suggesting weekends away and coming round. Never met them before ! am sure there are some girls and guys who are up for that- depending on what site you are on - but may be he should have read the room better !

It seems like you might have good rapport and seems you like what you have seen so far - maybe reply by saying you are looking for a relationship and am no rush to sleep with people I have not met but happy to meet ?
Keep the date in a safe public place - remember you can ask for Angela if things are not going well .
Guys are wired differently they need to have sex to feel close , women need to feel close to have sex etc.

Am sure it has put you off but might be worth giving him the benefit?

best of luck

lets just tip toe around men and be extremely careful with our words, you never know if "lets grab a kebab" might be interpreted as an invitation for oral sex or "you want a biscuit?" as "I can't wait to shag you".

I've never heard of protein pancakes. Had the OP posted the full text of the message I would have come to the conclusion that he's a creep but I can see why he made the presumption. He's still a creep.

Forget him and buy yourself a nice tea and a damn great bar of chocolate or your fave treat ... I hope you didn't go. What's wrong with men. They make you squirm.

Immediate Ick. I find it such a turn off when men reference sex, kissing, being intimate when in the talking stages/first date.

There is a time and a place.

Latecomer to the thread, open-mouthed by some of the responses you've had, OP! I might have let the original comment go enough not to just cancel and block him as many suggested initially (which is not the same as me invaliding it having given you the ick, I'm mainly with you on that). I think the way you responded was balanced. It is infuriating the way he responded back - minimising, misogynistic, not a hint of an apology - yeah. The 'calm down' would've made the decision for me too.

Well done for having standards and sticking to them. Regardless of whether they match with anyone else's, they're yours to have and to uphold. My only feedback is the softening you did in your messages to him was the most British and female stuff ever..! but maybe that's no bad thing, in the end. And despite that, he totally red flagged his final response. Idiot.

You don’t think there were players and guys looking to hook up and for NSA sh*s 12 years ago?

Well done. He sounds like a complete dick.

There are some weirdos on online dating sites and more to the point a lot of men who are looking for sex rather than a relationship. Trust your gut. There are plenty more online to choose from

I’m with you OP.

I had one the other day, didn’t even make it off the app. We were talking for about 3 days, I mentioned I was off to bed because I wasn’t feeling well and had a migraine. He asked if I wanted tucking in and if that was all I wanted? 🤭

Safe to say he didn’t even get a reply!
Past me would have over looked it but now I know my worth and any little thing and they are gone!

Please explain how you can see he reached this conclusion? If someone referenced protein and being strong to me, I wouldn’t take inference that this actually meant that they wanted to shag me?! It wouldn’t cross my mind?

‘Just had some protein powder mixed with greek yoghurt and some berries’

‘Oh fab, so that you’ll have the energy to bang me later’…. No, what?!

That wasn't "sex talk though", it was more like flirting?

Sex talk, for me, is a bit more... sexual