I have a first date in a few hours, now he’s texted me something that’s put me off

[Jtfrtj]

I have a first date tonight with a man I’ve never met, we started talking online. He knows I’m very into cooking/baking, and just now while texting him I told him I made some protein pancakes. He asked if he could have some, I joked back that I would make him some, and because they’re protein pancakes they will make him strong. He replied “Strong so I can lift you in bed yeah 😏?”. I’ve never even met this man before. Now I feel that expectation and pressure for sex is there now and feel less excited about meeting him. It also feels very presumptuous of him, like he thinks because I’ve agreed to a date I’m up for sexual activity. I’ve not texted back yet because I’m not sure I want to go now.

For context; I have never made any sexual remarks towards him before or him to me, we have been talking for almost two weeks. I am conventionally attractive but I am not provocative in how I dress or how I present myself online. Most of my photos online are of my travel pictures, scenery and food etc. I don’t think I do anything to invite these remarks or give off the impression that I’d be into that so prematurely, but for some reason men will always try and initiate a conversation about sex before the first date. I’m getting tired of it. Am I overreacting?

To be honest, i associate pancakes with breakfast, thus it would sound like an overnight invite, you also mentioned making him strong which is a bit of innuendo. You may not have meant to come across like that but it sounds like it to me as an outsider. It doesn’t mean he will pressure you btw. Meet in a public place, you may have met the love of your life, you just don’t know until you meet

Exactly - you can't possibly know if you want to bump uglies with someone you have never met.

oh well the telly's not bad tonight

Why such a pointlessly rude response? There’s just no need for it.

I’d rather judge a man I’d met than make decisions on initial tentative awkward non personal contact. Giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. Sounded to me like a clumsy joke. If I’d judged my husband by today’s standards on here we would never have got together. He was a gentleman, a great father, and he was not perfect. Nor was I. It’s a dance. Give him a chance.

The ‘joke’ was bad enough, but the reply was worse. It’s just typical to tell a woman to calm down just because she doesn’t like something that was said.

I absolutely hate it when guys drip feed sec comments/jokes. FME they do this to plant the seed. I personally would cancel the date because I can already tell what type of guy this is and I cba with that anymore! Also the fact that he trying to laugh it off… yuk!

This.

Any decent guy would have said sorry for making you feel uncomfortable even if they were just joking.

What a patronising reply. The calm down would do it for me, a non starter.

What a Prick.

Block and move on.

Telling her to ‘calm down’ is worse than the tasteless sexual innuendo - but maybe I’m weird. She was obviously not happy about him evoking a scene of them shagging in bed - and chose to respond by basically saying she was overreacting.

When I used to online date I’d usually seen a load of photos, talked to them on the phone, texted for a few weeks and then arranged a date to meet in person. I definitely knew if I liked them. I suppose I hadn’t smelt them at that point which is important.

It sounds like you are saying you don’t want to give any false green lights that you’re up for anything physical before you meet him, which sounds imminently sensible. However it’s perfectly reasonable to feel that way and not get po-faced about it.

I like your message OP. It's assertive, tells him straight what he's done wrong and what you expect if it goes forward. His response will be telling.
ETA Realised you had a response. And yes, it was telling.

Ewww that’s put the lid on it for me. Over and out, bye bye now 😬

Oh no! @Jtfrtj reminds me of 😭

That's not a good man.

Two things

1. its a shitty remark and a shitty reply anyone I don’t know saying calm down would piss me off imho cancel the date. Or go but when you get the 🍆 picture don’t say I didn’t warn you.
2. Don’t blame women for men’s sexual comments who the fuck cares what you wear to get photos online? Why does that make a difference to sleazy comments? Why does it matter if you are beautiful or not that doesn’t give anyone the right to throw in an unsolicited comment. 12 year old girls get cat called it’s not their fault don’t blame women for men’s problems.

I do remember sacking someone off before meeting when they starting asking me questions about my weight and dress size. Fuck that.

Plenty of people know whether or not they fancy someone they've not met.

If it was a clumsy joke he would have apologised, not doubled down and then blamed her for essentially not having a sense of humour. He sounds like a dick.

Urgh. I’d apologise for cancelling so late op but not for your response to him making a presumptious comment and then telling you to “calm down” when you objected to it!

I’d text and say you are cancelling because you already know that you are not compatible.

Most WOMEN don't.

He sounds like a right chancer, stay alert & positive if you. go on this date.

Sounds like he was trying to flirt with you before your date. If you're that horrified by the thought that dating may lead to sex then I suggest you're probably not ready to date. But putting that aside - you don't need to go out with anyone. If this has made you uncomfortable then cancel.

[citation needed]