I have a first date in a few hours, now he’s texted me something that’s put me off

[Jtfrtj]

I have a first date tonight with a man I’ve never met, we started talking online. He knows I’m very into cooking/baking, and just now while texting him I told him I made some protein pancakes. He asked if he could have some, I joked back that I would make him some, and because they’re protein pancakes they will make him strong. He replied “Strong so I can lift you in bed yeah 😏?”. I’ve never even met this man before. Now I feel that expectation and pressure for sex is there now and feel less excited about meeting him. It also feels very presumptuous of him, like he thinks because I’ve agreed to a date I’m up for sexual activity. I’ve not texted back yet because I’m not sure I want to go now.

For context; I have never made any sexual remarks towards him before or him to me, we have been talking for almost two weeks. I am conventionally attractive but I am not provocative in how I dress or how I present myself online. Most of my photos online are of my travel pictures, scenery and food etc. I don’t think I do anything to invite these remarks or give off the impression that I’d be into that so prematurely, but for some reason men will always try and initiate a conversation about sex before the first date. I’m getting tired of it. Am I overreacting?

Why do you think he is going on a date? He wants sex. End of story.

Thats what he wants and you should know that.

Yes! That’s it in a nutshell! He should have apologised, not doubled down.

This is how I feel. I replied;

“My reply was calm and I literally said I knew you were joking, I only asked that you not bring the topic up since we’ve never met. Let’s just leave it actually I don’t appreciate the ‘calm down’ remark. Get home safe and have a good evening.” (He mentioned he was driving home from another city)

He really does. I'd have to go with "Oh babe, I don't think we are going to get on. I like my jokes funny. Apologies for the short notice but I'm going to have to give it a miss."

Yes this is how I feel.

Very similar thing happened to me. I cancelled. He called me a prude. Bullet dodged.

(Context; I was at this point in my life absolutely desperate for a shag and he’d have only had to have bought me a Babycham and I’d probably have slept with him. It was THAT much of a turnoff. So when he called me a prude I just thought “oh mate. Look what you could have won…..”

If you have a huge amount of potential suitors and this guy is just number 2 in a list of a hundred then just say he’s giving you red flags and wish him well. If however you genuinely liked him before he made a sexual innuendo I would give him a chance to redeem himself. It’s so easy to fuck up when messaging.

Not OP. Me neither.

Are you still single or did you find someone in the end?

Oh this is much more mature than my passive aggressive reply! Well done OP. You're actually giving him the gift of a golden opportunity to learn from this.

How does anyone know if they are up for sex or not till they actually meet the man?
And even if they are looking for a sexual relationship...it's still presumtuous of him to make a remark like that, imo.

I wouldn't bother going.

I’m glad I didn’t date in the age of super analysing every reply, of texts, line by line, that men now seemingly have to cross. In this new world of perfect responses. See the bloody man, judge him on that. Not on MN responses to text messages.

She can always walk away after the date if it doesn’t work out. I expect a wedding invitation if it does! She knows zero about him without meeting him.

Or me - some of us moved past 'fancying' posters on our bedroom wall many years ago... as an adult you have to have met someone at least once to determine how you feel because in the flesh is very different.

I did answer that question upthread.

If he wants it that badly he can learn to use the filter on his mouth and reserve such remarks for a more appropriate time. Someone lacking social awareness isn’t at the top of my list.

I’m aware men are biologically programmed to want sex with women they are attracted to, you’re not enlightening me on anything and you’re missing my point entirely.

Are you still single? I’m not disagreeing with your principles I’m just intrigued whether anyone ever met the standard.

The cheeky bastard. Not only has he said something that would be a red flag to most women, he is now blaming you for taking it he wrong way.🙄

Any adult man who told me to calm down lol would be straight in the bin, hes not funny, hes potentially a real bully. I wouldn't reply, wouldn't meet and block.

If someone mentioned sex before I even met him Id bin him immediately. Yuck.
No manners at all just straight in with it.

If the first joke wasn’t a full on deal breaker, ‘calm down lol’ would be for me. No man has ever made things better by telling a woman to ‘calm down’. It’s dismissive and makes it sounds like it’s 100% you and nothing there for him to reflect on. With no sexual tension or buildup, it was premature to joke that he’d be sleeping with you.

He should’ve have said something like, ‘oh god - I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it to sound as presumptuous and crass as it did. Hope you’d still like to see me.’

It’s all a bit immature of him, isn’t it.

Married 18 years. Met internet dating so I do have some experience in the matter.

So you think those messages tell her zero about him? I disagree and so do plenty of others on this thread including the OP - so maybe if we're in the majority you might want to think about why that is? We don't all like to deal with neanderthals with an IQ the same as a glass of water.

Ha, brilliant line of questioning. So astute. I'm sure @arlanymor (love the name) and the other women who pointed out they have to meet someone to know whether they fancy them actually really mean that they have never fancied anyone at all.

OP you really brought the incels and incel sympathisers out with this one.

Absolutely shut the door on that one!

Jtfrtj
The post you are replying to here was so patronising wasn't it?
Like you know fuck all.
Good comeback.😀