I have a first date in a few hours, now he’s texted me something that’s put me off

[Jtfrtj]

I have a first date tonight with a man I’ve never met, we started talking online. He knows I’m very into cooking/baking, and just now while texting him I told him I made some protein pancakes. He asked if he could have some, I joked back that I would make him some, and because they’re protein pancakes they will make him strong. He replied “Strong so I can lift you in bed yeah 😏?”. I’ve never even met this man before. Now I feel that expectation and pressure for sex is there now and feel less excited about meeting him. It also feels very presumptuous of him, like he thinks because I’ve agreed to a date I’m up for sexual activity. I’ve not texted back yet because I’m not sure I want to go now.

For context; I have never made any sexual remarks towards him before or him to me, we have been talking for almost two weeks. I am conventionally attractive but I am not provocative in how I dress or how I present myself online. Most of my photos online are of my travel pictures, scenery and food etc. I don’t think I do anything to invite these remarks or give off the impression that I’d be into that so prematurely, but for some reason men will always try and initiate a conversation about sex before the first date. I’m getting tired of it. Am I overreacting?

Well that is just nitpicking..

sexual innuendo then...

My point still stands, which is that by saying the talk is too soon she's not pretending that having sex would be off the cards later.

Thank you. Some of the posts are just strange. One of them said by me saying “let’s leave it actually, get home safe and have a good night” (he was driving home from another city) I was suggesting he have an accident driving home, and he’s had a lucky escape from me 🥴 There’s some absolute freaks on this thread.

My only feedback is the softening you did in your messages to him was the most British and female stuff ever..!
I love this because I’m not British and English is not my first language 😂

Well everyone has their own way of going about and OP has every right of deciding what suits her but what this guy said was just really clumsy attempt at being funny and flirty.

Dick pics are gross but as I have discovered reading classic Penetration Guy thread there are lots of weird shaped penises out there - tiny, huge, pencil or cone shaped! So maybe dick pic guys have a point being proud of their ordinary dicks.

For those who clearly suffer with comprehension

We all seem to be aligned, op included, that the initial exchange was clumsy, and very much crossed wires, and a bit icky but certainly not unrecoverable.

Had he replied back to her with the appropriate amount of humility, mea culpa and genuine bit of "shit sorry, misread that one, mortifying I am sorry"...I daresay they'd have gone on to have hopefully a pleasant enough evening.

Howevrr, his reaction to her entirely justified response to the crossed wires was a huge red flag, and is actually what, quite rightly, sealed his fate. Petulant, patronising, combative. When people show you who they are. Believe them. The first time.

I don't know how there is any sympathy for the bloke here. Unless you're all married to petulant, patronising, combative men?

Surely not...

It's the equivalent of "she was asking for it" by being walking home late at night/in a skirt/at all. Basically being a woman.

He's just another nasty bloke who reads one thing and infers another. Twat.

Even I have the ick!

Yep, pancakes, protein Breakfast? Maybe he thought that you were being a little flirty and he responded without thinking too much of his words. However, his second remark, calm down lol, is all it takes to raise my blood to boiling point and shut him down. No one tells me ever to calm down!

Thank you. It’s strange how this point goes over so many people’s heads.

I got this a lot when I was on the dating sites. Wouldn't waste your time with that one. There are good guys out there but they are really hard to find on the dating sites. A lot of them are single for a reason! That said, i did meet my prince, eventually, and wish I hadn't wasted my time with most of them. I did learn to recognise the red flags in the end!

I agree it’s just a bit cheap for him to bring up sex before you’ve even had a date.

Also, weird question, but who lifts women up in bed? Whats he doing a nude birdie?

Late to the thread I know but I really like this response. Really good analogy about the kids’ names, spot on!

Text him "No, strong that you can carry me over the threshold!" (See how he likes you being presumptuous 😃

This a dilemma.

Basically me and my ex broke up 7 weeks ago due to his inability to stop gambling and he refuses to take any accountability and says the relationship wasn’t working as we broke up before due to the same issue we did argue but I feel this was due to me feeling betrayed and lied to.

This time we are over but we have a co owned house and two young children together. He lives with his mum and has been seen on tinder literally around 4 weeks after we broke up. He has threatened me continuously with a solicitor, I think in relation to the children despite him still continuing to see them regularly. He won’t actually tell me the reason.

Due to the relationship breaking down I didn’t want the children to experience anymore change. As a result I have a solicitor as I aim to buy him out of the family home. However circumstances have changed due to a bereavement and I now think moving back to my home town would be better for me as I would have a better support network as currently I have no one in terms of friends or family nearby and I do feel isolated.

In order to move I would need a new job, new nursery and a new house. Should I move back home to be closer to family?

Im sorry but you started that with your comment about making him strong. Silly.

Did you meet him in the end? He sounds very immature, probably talking to lots of other women online at the same time.

You need to post your own thread, this will get lost in here.

Well, I don't know you., nor do I know how your life with men have been, but that dialogue you've invented is very close to to exchanges I've had with men.

Tbh 8f someone mentioned proteun pancakes I"d make my excuses and leave..Weird thing to say

There's an awful lot of women on here who are terrified of hearing a 'calm down' or expressing any kind of feeling or emotion which may lead to an accusation that the woman is 'crazy'.

They also don't like when other women confidently assert their boundaries or call men out on stuff, because they feel like that gives men ammunition generally to call us all crazy.

They are 'cool girls' and want the rest of us all to be 'cool girls' too so that we can change mens opinions of women 🙄🥱

It's ridiculous, most men don't actually believe that women are crazy or OTT or all the crap they say, they just say that stuff cos they know it shuts a lot of women up!

There are also some people who think that if they have no problem with something or enjoy that kind of banter then that means that anyone who doesn't enjoy it or appreciate it has something wrong with them lol

There was a thread about this a few months ago during the heatwave when a woman told the man she was dating that she needed time to freshen up after work and he replied 'no worries, can't be having a whiffy growler lol'. There was several on that thread who 'prided' themselves on their banter and sense of humour and thought it was a hilarious comment that everyone else should find funny too 🤔

There are also some who just feel sorry for men in general and infantalise them and think that women owe them a chance even if they're turned off them.

I can't help but think if all women held men to a higher standard as @Jtfrtj did this one us women would be having a better time of it on the dating scene.. and probably in general.

There's an awful lot of women on here who are terrified of hearing a 'calm down' or expressing any kind of feeling or emotion which may lead to an accusation that the woman is 'crazy'.

Literally no woman on this thread has said they are terrified of being told to calm down @kkloo.
What don't you get about the imperative mode, telling someone what to do? The nerve of the man.

I don’t understand this thread. You were going on a date, not as friends, and had been chatting for weeks. I definitely think taking a suggestive joke completely out of context and acting all weird about it is definitely a block. He did the right thing and will hopefully find someone who wants a romantic partner not just a pen pal.

By here I meant on mumsnet.

How convenient. Well in that case you're massively generalising based on fuck all evidence.
I've never in my life encountered anyone, woman or man, who has felt better by being told to calm down. Or scared by the injunction.

OMG this would put me right off. This is one of the many reasons that I just can't be bothered with men any more,after a divorce and several failed long term relationships.So many men just assume you'll be up for sex within a couple of hours of meeting them.