I have a first date in a few hours, now he’s texted me something that’s put me off

[Jtfrtj]

I have a first date tonight with a man I’ve never met, we started talking online. He knows I’m very into cooking/baking, and just now while texting him I told him I made some protein pancakes. He asked if he could have some, I joked back that I would make him some, and because they’re protein pancakes they will make him strong. He replied “Strong so I can lift you in bed yeah 😏?”. I’ve never even met this man before. Now I feel that expectation and pressure for sex is there now and feel less excited about meeting him. It also feels very presumptuous of him, like he thinks because I’ve agreed to a date I’m up for sexual activity. I’ve not texted back yet because I’m not sure I want to go now.

For context; I have never made any sexual remarks towards him before or him to me, we have been talking for almost two weeks. I am conventionally attractive but I am not provocative in how I dress or how I present myself online. Most of my photos online are of my travel pictures, scenery and food etc. I don’t think I do anything to invite these remarks or give off the impression that I’d be into that so prematurely, but for some reason men will always try and initiate a conversation about sex before the first date. I’m getting tired of it. Am I overreacting?

I think he has a sense of humour different to yours. From your point of view, you'll probably always consider him a bit creepy, and from his pov he will likely be walking on eggshells. Its unlikely to work out

Well if you care to watch out for it and you'll see it all over mumsnet!

It's not just 'calm down', it's being called crazy or OTT or all those other things that men say to women to shut them up and make them not want to bring anything up again.

No one likes being told to calm down, but comments like that are weaponized towards women and unfortunately many women do feel the need to be careful about what they say so as to not come across as crazy.

Yes I told him. I said that talking about sex with someone I've never even met is not my thing and makes me uncomfortable. He was actually apologetic and said he'd just been trying to keep the mood light. I binned him anyway 😂

Did you go?

Oh for goodness sake! (Some) men can turn anything into a sexual innuendo - one thing when it’s in a relationship, but when you haven’t even met, grim.

There are different angles here. For some of us here, we have had the long-term monogamous relationship (like me). Imagine just having one sexual partner and marriage becoming sexless and lacking any imagination no matter what after decades together.

If I was to date again, I would not be too worried about such a comment on the text, after the dry and sexless marriage. This sort of dirty talk (or filth as people may see it), is sometimes what people want.

So it’s fine if on the other side and seeking that life partner, this is off putting and great to have your own standards. But it isn’t for everyone to find such a text offputting.

And that's fine, some people enjoy it and that's fine.
But OP didn't and that's fine too.
And she let him know that, and he told her to 'calm down' and so then the OP decided against meeting him. She said herself that if he said 'misread the room, my bad' that she still would have met him so the message itself wasn't a complete dealbreaker for her, it was how he responded when she brought up the boundary that was the dealbreaker.

I guess (some) men just try their luck. Sometimes it’s well received and people like it, but personally I don’t. It gets a bit repetitive when it’s the 100th man in a row that you do not know making sexual comments. Again, if you like that, fine, but not what I’m looking for at this stage in my life.

Wow. I’m mightily impressed by OP. Agreeing to meet someone you have met online does not mean you have agreed to have sex with them.
Online dating has become a tool for sexual availability and the only brake is whether you are attractive enough to be worth the bother. Time women took a stand.
Women who think they have the same sexual needs as men are kidding themselves. They are just allowing themselves to be used. It’s not simple it’s very complex. Women always have, and always will desire more than quick copulation and his remark was inappropriate and disrespectful.
It’s not even onlydown to whether you fancy each other, that’s the obvious first step but so many more before being making yourself sexually available unless one night stands are your thing. Or perhaps you could name your price! The real price is respect.
Women go on these sites in the hope of finding love. Men increasingly have been allowed to use them just for sex. Don’t fall for it. A man looking for love would not mention sexual activity before meeting. For gods sake. And of course he should have apologised , grovelled for his assumption. Respect trust and safety and humour and wit and laughter and tenderness are important for a meaningful fulfilling sexual relationship .. women have always known this. He was a very stupid msn who has missed out big time.

Yes I'm sure even out of those who might enjoy this kind of thing when they first get on the dating scene that many will also get tired of the early sexual innuendo when it turns out that in many cases they don't even like the guy on the date and never want to see them again 😅