I have a first date in a few hours, now he’s texted me something that’s put me off

[Jtfrtj]

I have a first date tonight with a man I’ve never met, we started talking online. He knows I’m very into cooking/baking, and just now while texting him I told him I made some protein pancakes. He asked if he could have some, I joked back that I would make him some, and because they’re protein pancakes they will make him strong. He replied “Strong so I can lift you in bed yeah 😏?”. I’ve never even met this man before. Now I feel that expectation and pressure for sex is there now and feel less excited about meeting him. It also feels very presumptuous of him, like he thinks because I’ve agreed to a date I’m up for sexual activity. I’ve not texted back yet because I’m not sure I want to go now.

For context; I have never made any sexual remarks towards him before or him to me, we have been talking for almost two weeks. I am conventionally attractive but I am not provocative in how I dress or how I present myself online. Most of my photos online are of my travel pictures, scenery and food etc. I don’t think I do anything to invite these remarks or give off the impression that I’d be into that so prematurely, but for some reason men will always try and initiate a conversation about sex before the first date. I’m getting tired of it. Am I overreacting?

I just googled it and it sounds like a really shitty way to date.
One tiny mistake and you're incompatible and blocked? Come on, people are more complicated than that.

Sure, the guy made a stupid comment and i'm not defending it, but the burned haystack method eliminates plenty of people who make honest mistakes and could be great matches.

Ladies, this is basically the same thing as men using dating guru's, ignore this BS.

Sorry @Jtfrtj there are so many weirdos in this thread. Why are they so caught up in a PG comment of making pancakes and then shaming you for being uncomfortable with a blatant sexual remark from a stranger…ODDBALLS…the standard of mumsnet I guess.

Anywys you did the right thing. Men are given too much grace in society. Imagine if you started hinting about what you’d name your children or what type of wedding you’d have. He would’ve been out of there. But hinting about sex with a stranger is fine… apparently.

Im so happy to see more and more women put men in their place and show them , NO their bad behaviour will not be tolerated. Good and healthy standards protect you from the wrong men so well done!

I’m not thick. I agree re the ‘calm down’ comment. But two things can exist at the same time, and I also think you’re overreacting to the original comment.

Agree with this.

No, they aren't more complicated than that.

I floundered around on the apps finding lots of men who wanted all kinds of things, from wanting to chat into the night with no intention of meeting, who were married, who wanted sexy photos, who wanted to meet and have sex but not have a relationship, who wanted poly and this was all men who said they actively wanted a 'long-term relationship'!

Blocking these men based on rhetorical patterns was the best thing I ever did. I blocked over 95% of these men, filtered down into a few interesting men who could have text conversations, wanted to meet and were looking for relationships and life partners, dated a few and found one I love very much.

When you are meeting the first type and they are taking up your energy chatting, making dates and not turning up, turning up wanting sex and not much more, you are wasting your valuable time you could be getting to know a nice man who wants what you want, a partner in life.

There's no value for women in wasting their time on this shit unless they also want casual sex or loser guys. You have to filter, I had hundreds of likes, you can't date them all and give them all chances!

Yuk . This shows a total lack of respect to women .

Check out Burned Hsystack dating method as someone else said. It will explain all but classic test & apologise. Block him. No explanation needed.

You did sound like a dirty old woman to be fair.

Maybe I am?

But the comment about the pancakes making him "strong"; where was he supposed to go with that?
You were flirting, whatever you think.

Jesus Christ women raise your bar.

It’s weird how if OP started to talk about marriage before they had even met, the Cool Girls of MN would likely criticise her. But him bringing up sex before they even met is just fine.

The comment about somebody being in need of a shag was vile.

If only I had had your boundaries, confidence and self-respect when I was your age.

Brilliant stuff!

👏

I’ve met a couple women like this in real life and they often lack respect for themselves. Let men do the bare minimum, or treat/talk to them like objects, allow them to not act accordingly and give themselves away too ‘easily’ as some would say. They have that standard set in their mind as the norm, and look at other women with higher standards than themselves and think she’s ’high maintenance’ or “She thinks a lot of herself doesn’t she”.

Admittedly I do think a lot of myself but it’s not a character flaw in my opinion. I respect my body, I won’t let anyone assume they have easy access to it and be made to feel bad about it.

Thank you 😘

It’s not about “small mistakes”. It’s about believing somebody when they show you who they are and not wasting time on men who are clearly not looking for the same thing you are. I wish I had this kind of guidance as a 22 year old.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet, OP.

I think I’ve gone too far the other way now and the whole make species gives me the ick 😆 I know there are decent ones out there but god it’s so hard in the swamp that is the dating pool. It’s not even fun anymore!

Op, i am very late to this thread but can i just that i am so proud of your decision to stand by your standards and cancel the date 🌼

I don’t think it is about a tiny mistake though. If it was a mistake and they realised it hadn’t gone down well and had handled it better, that’s one thing, but then telling the woman to ‘calm down’ (in this instance) shows the type of person he is. Do you want a partner that tells you to calm down, or that ‘it’s a joke’ when he says something inappropriate? As that’s what you’ll be getting. People are meant to be on their best behaviour at the start and when dating, so if men act like it now, what are they going to be like 6 months down the line.

Saying all of that, it’s up to us to decide who we will accept into our lives, and if that’s the type of man you want, go for it - I’d rather stay single than deal with that.

This!!

Honestly these aren’t “honest mistakes”. These are men showing you exactly who they are. Approximately 100% of the time a “mistake” I decided to overlook in the beginning is red flag that derailed the relationship. And wasting time with men who had I know how to read their dating profiles I would have never wasted time with.

Nah...he just wanted a shag.

The point of going on a date with someone is because you're potentially sexually attracted to them. Sex is not a foregone conclusion. I don't know why this is so difficult to understand.**