Family unhappy to go to a vegan restaurant for my birthday

[HideTheDog]

It’s my birthday soon and I chose a vegan restaurant to eat at. It was only for me, my husband and children and they were all happy with the restaurant. It was booked weeks ago for 4.

Last weekend some of our family asked if they can join us for the meal so I asked for who wanted to come and increased the number of people on the booking. They knew it was a vegan restaurant.

Today I got a message from one of them to say that now there are more people and some don’t want to eat at a vegan restaurant, they think we should eat at another restaurant which serves non vegan food as well. I messaged back to say no and that I chose it because I like it and if anyone doesn’t want to come then to let me know so I can amend the booking again.

This person has obviously told the others and I’ve been invited into a WhatsApp group chat to discuss what we should do. 🤨 I’ve ignored joining their group chat and just sent another message saying it’s for my birthday and I picked the restaurant that suited the ones going originally, I won’t be changing the restaurant and if they want to go somewhere else they can. I’ve said I’m happy to go to another restaurant with them another time.

I’ve been told I’m inflexible and only thinking of my own needs. Is it really inflexible to want to go to a restaurant I choose on my birthday that was originally chosen and booked weeks ago for just the 4 of us? I don’t mind them coming, but I feel that they’ve tagged along and now want to change it to suit them.

I can't imagine what it takes to get 100% on the aibu! Wow. Enjoy your birthday meal x

They've only got a bit of a point if some of them are allergic to things usually found in vegan food (mushrooms, nuts etc) and wouldn't be able to eat anything.

Stick with your choice.

how cheeky after gate crashing. I normally order steak or meat skewers etc when I eat out as it’s far nicer on a grill that cooked at home imo but as an omnivore there would be nothing at a vegan restaurant I couldn’t eat so I’d be more than happy for a family member’s birthday. Hope you have a nice time and they don’t turn up then ruin it moaning

I don't understand why the anti vegan restaurant posters wouldn't at least look at the restaurant's menu before they decline. They are making loads of incorrect (and uneducated and narrow minded assumptions) about vegan cuisine.

What? 🫤

What very strange behaviour by your family members . Why would anyone invite themselves to an event and then insist that the venue is changed?
Do they often behave this way?

I think what they are trying to say that a restaurant that only serves vegan meals is going to offer rather more creative dishes than the token vegan cheese/sausage/fake meat that you would get at a non vegan restaurant.

After all, they would need to build up a good reputation for outstanding food to compete.

It's YOUR frikking birthday! How unkind of them.
Funnily enough, everyone can eat vegan food and it's delicious! What are they afraid of? Turning into a rabbit?!
Go on your own with your husband and children and have a lovely time.
Happy Birthday! 🎈 🎂

Your birthday, your choice, your DH & DC are happy with your choice. The rest of them are just CFs. Stand firm and have a lovely birthday!

I've never thought about it before but do vegan restaurants provide meals for non-vegans like regular restaurants do cater for vegans/vegetarians or is it another of these one-sided virtue signalling arrangements?

Seriously?

That is not a valid or logical argument and you know full well it isn't.

All you are doing is demonstrating your narrow minded ignorance. And I say this as an omnivore.

Well most likely they would say no, tbh, so, no, not really. But none of us have an issue with asking - or saying no.

But I suspect this is a case of ILs.

Do Indian restaurants serve me Mexican food for people who prefer that?

Sorry, we have crossed wires here: I don't think it is reasonable in the case of a celebration. In that case, I actually think the birthday person does get to choose regardless of what others think.

All I was saying was if it was a sibling, or my parents, and it was just a meal out, nothing special, I might say "we can join if you like. Are you wedded to Restaurant X though, because we don't find much we like there." And they might say "well So and So isn't keen about x either, and they are going to come, so shall we go to Restaurant Y?". Or they might say "no we've been looking forward to it." Which is fine.

But if it were, say my mum's birthday, absolutely it needs to be her first choice.

And if it is someone more distant - not family for instance - I think it is overstepping.

I really struggle on MN sometimes to understand the distance that seems to exist in families. I mean, you grew up with your siblings.

I agree with Pariscrimefiles. Your son is right-bin them all off.
What makes them think they can be so rude to you.
I’d go silent- they will get the message

No.

I categorically said above I think it isn't on in the instance of someone's birthday. In that case, the birthday person chooses.

I was responding to someone who had said it isn't ok to ask family if they would be happy to switch even if it isn't someone's birthday, just a meal out, that was originally certain family members and now more are joining.

For instance, it might be that now dc are joining, so you might switch to something more child friendly. I can think of loads of instances when you might ask for a venue switch as more family members join.

But not on someone's birthday.

I agree with your son! Well done OP for sticking to your original plan. Bloody cheeky sods. Hope you have a lovely birthday

What a stupid comment!

It's still incredibly rude to invite yourself along to an event someone else has already booked for themslves, then push for them to change the booking!

Don't worry! I'm pretty sure that that most vegan restaurants have got a hog-roast on a spit out the back for people like you who will have a panic attack if they are forced to eat one meal that doesn't include meat.

I think this thread is getting derailed by emotion, as people get very defensive about veganism as a choice.

The birthday person gets to choose a restaurant. End of.

But as for discussing alternatives on other occasions, and between close family, I think people are getting caught up on the vegan aspect and it is making them dig their toes in in a way they wouldn't if it were a debate between Nandos and Pizza Express. And it may be there is a good reason for that, because veganism runs deeper than preference. But I think it is still worth recognising that that is. I think, playing a part in some of the tenser reactions on this thread.

No, I disagree - this is more about basic social etiquette.

If I learned a family member had booked tickets to see a specific film, I wouldn't say "can I come along and, actually, can we book a different film instead, because the one you're planning to see isn't suitable for the kids?"

It's incredibly weird and self-centered behavior.

Hello OP I’m vegetarian and we’ve had this exact same scenario before. My husband and I were going out for my birthday meal. Another couple invited themselves, and then tried to manipulate us into not going to a vegetarian restaurant. In the end we went alone to the vegetarian restaurant, which was exactly what had planned for my birthday initially.

It’s true. No vegan place really worth its salt uses processed stuff of that type (nor any other type, barring tofu I’d imagine).

Just amend back to original booking for four and tell them they’re no longer welcome. Absolute height of cheeky fuckery.