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Family unhappy to go to a vegan restaurant for my birthday

434 replies

HideTheDog · 24/10/2026 17:43

It’s my birthday soon and I chose a vegan restaurant to eat at. It was only for me, my husband and children and they were all happy with the restaurant. It was booked weeks ago for 4.

Last weekend some of our family asked if they can join us for the meal so I asked for who wanted to come and increased the number of people on the booking. They knew it was a vegan restaurant.

Today I got a message from one of them to say that now there are more people and some don’t want to eat at a vegan restaurant, they think we should eat at another restaurant which serves non vegan food as well. I messaged back to say no and that I chose it because I like it and if anyone doesn’t want to come then to let me know so I can amend the booking again.

This person has obviously told the others and I’ve been invited into a WhatsApp group chat to discuss what we should do. 🤨 I’ve ignored joining their group chat and just sent another message saying it’s for my birthday and I picked the restaurant that suited the ones going originally, I won’t be changing the restaurant and if they want to go somewhere else they can. I’ve said I’m happy to go to another restaurant with them another time.

I’ve been told I’m inflexible and only thinking of my own needs. Is it really inflexible to want to go to a restaurant I choose on my birthday that was originally chosen and booked weeks ago for just the 4 of us? I don’t mind them coming, but I feel that they’ve tagged along and now want to change it to suit them.

OP posts:
SylvanMoon · 25/10/2026 21:12

I'm glad that you stuck to your principles @HideTheDog and hope you have a lovely birthday meal with your family. As for those who think that eating at a vegan restaurant has to be "endured" rather than enjoyed, they really have no idea. This summer we had a gorgeous vegan meal at a Michelin star restaurant in Paris. There wasn't one morsel of ultraprocessed "fake meat" anywhere and not even tofu or lentils! It was scrumptious. I hope you enjoy your meal too.

BeardySchnauzer · 25/10/2026 21:14

All those chicken shops on the high street - are they obliged to sell pork and beef products too?

OffTheMap · 25/10/2026 21:17

PetuniaT · 25/10/2026 18:42

I've never thought about it before but do vegan restaurants provide meals for non-vegans like regular restaurants do cater for vegans/vegetarians or is it another of these one-sided virtue signalling arrangements?

Yes, vegan restaurants provide for everyone 🙂
Unless you are allergic to every plant.

Sure there will be menu items you don’t fancy , just like in any restaurant.

Think on

Ally886 · 25/10/2026 21:19

Wynter25 · 25/10/2026 09:42

Theres nothing wrong in someone eating meat at every meal. Like theres nothing wrong you eating lettuce or whatever at every meal. Its a choice. Which we all have. I dont eat meat at every meal but eat it often.

Surely not at the detriment of seeing family and celebrating a birthday?

Wooky073 · 25/10/2026 21:24

YANBU its your birthday with your close family members. Stick to your guns. For the sake of family relationships id probably also create another little gathering at home for the wider family so you can offer an alternative for those who are pushing against you going to a vegan restaurant for your birthday - if you feel like it that is.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 25/10/2026 21:28

Sorry, am i reading this right...

They have invited themselves and then demand you change the venue because it doesn't suit them?

That is absolutely the most CF thing I have read on MN and I have been around for over a decade.

Yanbu.

I am non vegan but I am dairy free, I love a good vegan cafe for dessert! Have the best time @HideTheDog

HideTheDog · 25/10/2026 21:28

PetuniaT · 25/10/2026 20:53

Being an omnivore I can eat in any place and my original response to the OP was a genuine and sincere question but it seems to have touched a few raw nerves and generated similar irrational reactions. Considering choices of national cuisines is not the same as the difference between choice of animal products or non animal products. All the different national cuisines I've tried at home and around the world offer dishes "suitable for vegetarians" and not being a "vege" doesn't mean I've never ordered any such dishes.

Oh Petunia. I’ve looked at some of your other posts and you really don’t like vegans do you?

You said you hadn’t thought about vegan restaurants before but I think you have quite a bee in your bonnet about veganism.

Stop being a silly vegan sausage.

OP posts:
11AndCounting · 25/10/2026 21:29

PetuniaT · 25/10/2026 20:53

Being an omnivore I can eat in any place and my original response to the OP was a genuine and sincere question but it seems to have touched a few raw nerves and generated similar irrational reactions. Considering choices of national cuisines is not the same as the difference between choice of animal products or non animal products. All the different national cuisines I've tried at home and around the world offer dishes "suitable for vegetarians" and not being a "vege" doesn't mean I've never ordered any such dishes.

Would it help if all the vegan dishes were labeled "suitable for omnivores"?

amoobaa · 25/10/2026 21:32

PetuniaT · 25/10/2026 18:42

I've never thought about it before but do vegan restaurants provide meals for non-vegans like regular restaurants do cater for vegans/vegetarians or is it another of these one-sided virtue signalling arrangements?

No, vegan restaurants generally don’t serve meat, dairy or other animal products. But as a previous poster pointed out, we don’t expect Italian restaurants to serve Chinese food, or Japanese restaurants to offer a Sunday roast, simply to demonstrate how inclusive they are 😂

Restaurants specialise in particular types of food. It’s hardly a controversial concept 🙃

A vegan restaurant isn’t excluding non vegans. Its entire menu is available to them! The fact that you might prefer something else doesn’t mean you’re being discriminated against.

It’s as if you think vegan food is some strange, exclusive category of cuisine. In reality, plant based food is already woven into virtually every culinary tradition you encounter, from cheap and cheerful to Michelin starred fine dining.

You’ve almost certainly eaten and enjoyed lots of foods without giving their vegan credentials a second thought. But if we put those same foods together on a restaurant menu, it suddenly becomes an exercise in virtue signalling 🥱

Your first venture into thinking about vegan restaurants has somehow led you straight to an accusation of virtue signalling rather than the fairly obvious conclusion that different restaurants serve different types of food.

You’ve managed to take something as unremarkable as a restaurant choosing what food to serve and frame it as an example of some imagined cultural injustice. You could have asked a perfectly reasonable question about menus, but instead you chose to attach a judgement to people simply because they make different choices from you… That says more about your attitude towards others than it does about vegan restaurants.

Perhaps the question isn’t why vegan restaurants don’t serve meat, but why the existence of a restaurant catering to people with different values seems to bother you quite so much 🧐

Just in case you’re still wondering what you could possibly eat in a vegan restaurant, here’s a tiny selection of perfectly ordinary foods that can be vegan, many of which are traditionally plant based...

Beans on toast, chips, hash browns, soups of every description, crumpets with jam, countless pasta dishes, breads, confectionery, rice dishes, risotto, ratatouille, gazpacho, lots of Mediterranean dishes, sweet potato fries, an enormous variety of Greek dishes, hummus, falafel, baba ganoush, tabbouleh, couscous, tagines, a vast range of Indian curries, vegetable samosas, chana masala, dhal, poppadoms, countless Chinese takeaway favourites, various sushi dishes, Thai, Indonesian and Vietnamese dishes, Mexican guacamole, nachos with salsa, bean burritos, refried beans, corn tortillas, traditional corn on the cob, American peanut butter and jam sandwiches, Caribbean rice and peas, Ethiopian dishes (ever tried injera?), Lebanese fattoush, Turkish delight, caramelised fruits, poached pears, summer pudding, lemon granita, plenty of sorbets, mochi, halva, marzipan, dark chocolate, boiled sweets, popcorn… Across practically every cuisine on the planet, from the cheapest everyday staples to some of the most expensive delicacies in the world.

I could go on but I think you get the idea. It’s just food 😂

plantsandwich · 25/10/2026 21:34

11AndCounting · 25/10/2026 21:29

Would it help if all the vegan dishes were labeled "suitable for omnivores"?

Brilliant.
I am going to adopt this anecdote. You can be my new best friend if you like.

Lifeislikeaboxofchocolate · 25/10/2026 21:34

Naaaaah your birthday your choice. Tell them to do one! Enjoy your meal with those who respect your wishes.

plsdontlookatme · 25/10/2026 21:38

Fuck them, ha. Book yourself a really nice vegan restaurant and enjoy a nice birthday meal in peace - that's what I'm doing!
Incidentally, Land in Birmingham is one of my favourite restaurants of all time - I went alone to celebrate something and it was such a treat. Please don't let anyone spoil it for you - and happy birthday!

kimberleycowgirl · 25/10/2026 21:46

How stubborn of them. Look, I love meat, I love and work on a damn cattle station! That doesn’t mean I can only eat a meal that has an animal product in it. Vegan food can be absolutely delicious and as it’s your birthday and that is your choice it’s utterly ridiculous they can’t forego the steak for one night and open their minds a bit. Enjoy your birthday dinner, OP. I hope the extras that come along
get a cultural awakening.

SylvanMoon · 25/10/2026 21:55

PetuniaT · 25/10/2026 20:53

Being an omnivore I can eat in any place and my original response to the OP was a genuine and sincere question but it seems to have touched a few raw nerves and generated similar irrational reactions. Considering choices of national cuisines is not the same as the difference between choice of animal products or non animal products. All the different national cuisines I've tried at home and around the world offer dishes "suitable for vegetarians" and not being a "vege" doesn't mean I've never ordered any such dishes.

You've obviously never eaten in a restaurant in India where the restaurants and menus within them are differentiated as being Vegetarian and Non-Vegetarian, with the assumption that Vegetarian is the main focus, unlike your examples where meat-based dishes are the norm and there is a concession for a few vegetarian or vegan options.

HiEarthlings · 25/10/2026 22:03

This reply has been deleted

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PetuniaT · 25/10/2026 22:05

SylvanMoon · 25/10/2026 21:55

You've obviously never eaten in a restaurant in India where the restaurants and menus within them are differentiated as being Vegetarian and Non-Vegetarian, with the assumption that Vegetarian is the main focus, unlike your examples where meat-based dishes are the norm and there is a concession for a few vegetarian or vegan options.

Re-read my post. My use of the words "..all around the world" includes India, namely New Delhi and Agra . I was just saving space. Don't be so presumptuous

OffTheMap · 25/10/2026 22:10

I don’t want anyone to panic but Oreos are VEGAN

PetuniaT · 25/10/2026 22:10

This reply has been deleted

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Normal restaurants serve everyone. Tonight I have learned that veggies are so tetchy and so self-possessed

11AndCounting · 25/10/2026 22:16

PetuniaT · 25/10/2026 22:10

Normal restaurants serve everyone. Tonight I have learned that veggies are so tetchy and so self-possessed

People aren't being tetchy, so much as laughing at stupidity.

ScreentimeInTheMeantime · 25/10/2026 22:18

PetuniaT · 25/10/2026 18:42

I've never thought about it before but do vegan restaurants provide meals for non-vegans like regular restaurants do cater for vegans/vegetarians or is it another of these one-sided virtue signalling arrangements?

No, because eating plant based food is usually an ethical choice rather than a preference. You won’t find a (pig) bacon sandwich in a kosher restaurant either. Many Indian restaurants are also vegetarian and would find it unacceptable for religious reasons to have meat in the kitchen. It’s not virtue signaling, it’s providing a product people want.

There are some incredible vegan restaurants these days where habitual meat eaters can enjoy a really wonderful meal. (I am not vegan.)

Gengha · 25/10/2026 22:20

YANBU. Enjoy your meal. I am a meat eater but I’m certain I’d find something lovely to enjoy in a vegan restaurant

Gengha · 25/10/2026 22:22

PetuniaT · 25/10/2026 22:10

Normal restaurants serve everyone. Tonight I have learned that veggies are so tetchy and so self-possessed

Vegan restaurants serve everyone too. You don’t have to be a vegan to go. You’ll still find something to eat. Whereas if a regular restaurant had no vegan options a vegan would have to go hungry

99bottlesofkombucha · 25/10/2026 22:24

PetuniaT · 25/10/2026 20:53

Being an omnivore I can eat in any place and my original response to the OP was a genuine and sincere question but it seems to have touched a few raw nerves and generated similar irrational reactions. Considering choices of national cuisines is not the same as the difference between choice of animal products or non animal products. All the different national cuisines I've tried at home and around the world offer dishes "suitable for vegetarians" and not being a "vege" doesn't mean I've never ordered any such dishes.

This is a joke surely. Most non vegetarians eat vegetables every single day, sometimes more than once.

RampantIvy · 25/10/2026 22:51

Brilliant post @amoobaa
👏

RampantIvy · 25/10/2026 22:54

Hiredgun · 25/10/2026 20:42

While I would never eat in a vegan place myself, it’s your birthday and choice. Plus, it was already agreed upon before others chimed in. Tell them they don’t need to come and stick to your plan.

Why not?
Allergies, food intolerances, medical needs or just unadventurous?

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