Family unhappy to go to a vegan restaurant for my birthday

[HideTheDog]

It’s my birthday soon and I chose a vegan restaurant to eat at. It was only for me, my husband and children and they were all happy with the restaurant. It was booked weeks ago for 4.

Last weekend some of our family asked if they can join us for the meal so I asked for who wanted to come and increased the number of people on the booking. They knew it was a vegan restaurant.

Today I got a message from one of them to say that now there are more people and some don’t want to eat at a vegan restaurant, they think we should eat at another restaurant which serves non vegan food as well. I messaged back to say no and that I chose it because I like it and if anyone doesn’t want to come then to let me know so I can amend the booking again.

This person has obviously told the others and I’ve been invited into a WhatsApp group chat to discuss what we should do. 🤨 I’ve ignored joining their group chat and just sent another message saying it’s for my birthday and I picked the restaurant that suited the ones going originally, I won’t be changing the restaurant and if they want to go somewhere else they can. I’ve said I’m happy to go to another restaurant with them another time.

I’ve been told I’m inflexible and only thinking of my own needs. Is it really inflexible to want to go to a restaurant I choose on my birthday that was originally chosen and booked weeks ago for just the 4 of us? I don’t mind them coming, but I feel that they’ve tagged along and now want to change it to suit them.

I don't get this at all, it's your birthday and your choice. So why is this even an issue?

I’ve just come back on and seen there are posters still discussing this so I have an update for anyone interested.

There will now be 11 of us going for the meal, so us 4 plus 7 extras. Only 3 have dropped out due to not wanting to go to the vegan restaurant. The 7 never had an issue. It was just being stirred up by the others.

All of the people involved are my side of the family. My husband’s family are lovely and normal. The 3 who now aren’t coming are my half sister, her husband and my dad.

My half sister had a rant about veganism to my brother when trying to get him to agree with her about the restaurant. He said she was being ridiculous and told her to shut up.

But that's different as the tickets have been paid for.

When you say "social etiquette," I agree you wouldn't do it in a broader social setting. But I am closer to my family than that. Would you say it to your partner if they had booked a meal somewhere you really weren't keen on? I'd definitely feel able to say "are you particularly wanting to dine there, as I'm not so sure what the draw is." And fine if he said, "yes, actually, I really love the risotto." Fair enough. But it seems weird not to be able to ask in a family situation. It smacks of poor communication to me.

In op's instance it has gone much further with the pushy what's app thread. But the question itself I don't see as a problem in a healthy relationship.

Nice update @HideTheDog

Your Bro is lovely. And I think you'll have a much better time with the 7 who want to be there.

The other 3 can barbeque boar meat in the garden.

Have a very happy birthday

You’ve never thought about it? Maybe you should try thinking. 😉

No. It’s one of those arrangements where the vast majority of the customer base would not want meat cooked on the premises. But I’m sure you knew that.

omg - you mean I should never eat vegan food as I not vegan ? Damnations. I’ll have to be vegan on Wednesday but not on Thursday or Tuesday - would that work ?

Great update OP.

The half-sister thing explains a lot to me: I sensed a strained dynamic and she sounds like a stirrer.

I’ve never been to a vegan restaurant that didn’t have some kind of meat substitute dish on the menu. It’s not what I’d choose, and it’s certainly not the only thing on the menu (which is depressingly common in mainstream restaurants), but I’d be surprised to not see it at all.

In the partner scenario, presumably your/my partner has booked for both of us.

That's different from, say, my brother and his partner mentioning they're going out for a meal, and me saying "can I come and also can we go somewhere else instead?"

Well anyway, OP has given more detail about which family members, and it does sound to me as though there was a strained relationship at the back of it.

The fact they wouldn't go if it wasn't changed kind of reinforces that dynamic.

In a close sibling relationship I'd think it was fine to raise it. I'd still want to see them anyway though.

Would you expect a Thai restaurant to serve Mexican food? Or a curry house to serve shepherd’s pie? Obviously not. It’s not “virtue signalling” for a restaurant clearly advertised as offering a certain cuisine to only offer that cuisine. I suspect you know that, though.

😁

I don’t understand why you’re asking. You are right, they are wrong. No more to be said.

If you can’t manage without dead cow for one night, you can always console yourself with the other 99% of non-virtue signalling restaurants around.

We get on fine usually, but she has let it be known before that she feels we need to eat animal products. I’ve always said I don’t agree and changed the subject. She apparently puts anti vegan/pro meat posts on Facebook. 😬 She apparently has a relative who is a butcher. I’ve always avoided the conversations with her and don’t see any need to discuss something that we’re going to disagree on as no good will come of it.

She sounds unhinged.
Your brother, on the other hand, sounds great.

I hope you enjoy your birthday 💐🎂

She’s being silly. Or maybe she just is silly. As the old Northern saying goes, Nowt so queer as folk.

There's so much wrong with that question I'm not sure where to start.

But do you think Italian restaurants should serve Thai food?

Do you think, even setting aside the ethical and welfare issues, the food might be interesting and worth eating in its own right?

I've never been in a vegetarian or vegan restaurant which has a 'meat substitute" on the menu. Probably about what I cook and eat is 95% vegetarian and I don't use "meat substitutes". Tofu is a food item in its own right. It's not a meat substitute.

While I would never eat in a vegan place myself, it’s your birthday and choice. Plus, it was already agreed upon before others chimed in. Tell them they don’t need to come and stick to your plan.

Yes, I had the feeling there was this kind of background. She sounds like a pita with a bee in her bonnet about it.

I think if it had been you DB and he'd said "Oh can we go to Ask not pizza Express? I love their garlic bread" it would not have felt so heated.

But also: Birthday! No-one negotiates with the Birthday person!

Being an omnivore I can eat in any place and my original response to the OP was a genuine and sincere question but it seems to have touched a few raw nerves and generated similar irrational reactions. Considering choices of national cuisines is not the same as the difference between choice of animal products or non animal products. All the different national cuisines I've tried at home and around the world offer dishes "suitable for vegetarians" and not being a "vege" doesn't mean I've never ordered any such dishes.

The vegan thing is a red herring really. You don’t invite yourself to an outing and then change it to suit yourself.

Tell them to go fuck themselves. Demanding bunch of cunts.