Dinner time and nothing cooked for me, Aibu?

[emmalynnxx]

Hi. I’ve just caused a massive row with DP and wondering if I’m unreasonable.

DP has DSD with us this weekend, as we do every weekend. I love DSD, and try and make her feel very welcome and loved when she is here. Of course she goes in phases of who she wants to spend time with and at the moment I am not her favourite, DP is. Which is normal and expected.

Today we went shopping and I spent a lot of time just walking around on my own as DP went to different shops with DSD. Last night they had a “sleepover” in the living room and I spent the evening in our bedroom. I feel this is fine, DSD and DPs relationship will never compare to ours.

After getting in, I was cleaning the bedrooms ans walked into DP cooking dinner for DSD. I asked what he was having and he said DSD and me are having carbonara. DP and me usually eat around 8/9 with a bottle of wine. Nothing was cooked for me (I don’t eat bacon or cheese) so I said, rather sarcastically, I’m fine thanks nothing for me.

DP got annoyed and said well I’ll cook you something. I was polite and said no thanks, it’s too early for me, I’ll eat later, I just didn’t know you were cooking that’s all.

we usually sit with DSD whilst she eats and talk to her but don’t usually eat with her.

DP called me a selfish c**t and said I was causing tension and that I was being a baby about a dinner. Was I?

The plan was always that OP and DP would eat together after DSD in bed.

DP decided to cook dinner for himself and DD, without letting OP know plans had changed, and when he never cooks for OP.

DP only offered to make something else after he’d plated up for himself and DD.

If OP hadn’t come downstairs and was still tidying, she wouldn’t have even known this was happening.

He called her a c**t.

Yeah a late meal and a bottle of wine goes down really well when you’ve got work the next day doesn’t it ? And it’s totally not the point. The meal, whether OP would have like it or not, or wanted to eat at that time was not the point. He sorted himself and his DD out without giving OP a second thought. Not hard to see why he’s divorced is it ?

Was this dinner particularly early or something? Because you say you always cook her dinner, but on this occasion you clearly hadn't even started. So what was your plan?

Also, why couldn't you just rat dinner with your partner sat by you chatting? After all that's good enough for the young daughter?

She was cleaning the daughter’s bedroom while he was cooking - and cooking for the very first time, and leaving out the one person that’s facilitating him being Disney dad. OP can you confirm the living arrangements ? Is this your home that he’s moved into. The misogyny on this thread is mind blowing.

Of course you aren't. He has been horrible.

Instead of arguing with posters just wanting to stick the knife into a stepmother @emmalynnxx have you thought about what you want? Lots of great advice on this thread.

You deserve more, you are worth more. Want more for yourself.

I know where she was, but the timeline doesn't make any sense.

If the OP normally cooks for the daughter, it's clear she wasn't actually doing so on this occasion. So was he cooking early? Was the OP not cooking tonight anyway? Had that been discussed? It odd.

Obviously he should be cooking for his own child and also for himself/his partner equally. That goes without saying.

It is obvious you are not going to get unbiased replies on here.

But I just want you to know that it’s very likely that one day in the future you may be making a meal for your DSD or future DCs and it’s going to be something that you know your DP doesn’t eat.

Do not ever let him make you feel guilty for eating something that you have cooked, especially when it was made predominantly for a child.

It is also ok if you want to sit and eat with your DCs, rather than waiting until later on in the evening.

You also need to start telling him to make his own DSDs meals, as that is his job as a parent.
If you do have DCs with him, the last thing you want is to be the default cook.

Absolutely this. She’s eighteen months into the relationship and already being taken for granted and spoken to like shit, despite stepping up and clearly being very involved with his DD. The vile name calling is a massive red flag. She’s called him out on his selfishness and been verbally abused in response. Time for a serious rethink.

OP if you was my friend I’d of poped round and had a night in with you. If he’d of made a point about a sleep over on the floor I’d of also brought my PJs and had a girls night in. I’m sorry but I’m on your side with this one. You’re a family unit and that comes in MANY forms. It’s just consideration. Like you have mentioned if you had ordered take away at 7ish and not offered DP or DSD they would also be calling you out. I’d just note this for the future as it’s early days 18months. Also that language in how he spoke to you is also unacceptable. I would explain once DSD has gone home that in the future you would want to be asked if you need anything.

Tell him he is a nasty, rude pos, he could have told you his plans, dump him

Any man that calls you a cunt I’d tell to leave within 24 hours!!

Your AIBU is irrelevant. He called you a c**t. It should be over right then and there

Never mind anything else, you want a relationship with a man who will call you a cunt?

Why is it odd ? There’s no timeline mentioned - just that DD eats early because she’s a young child. Whichever way you slice this if he was going to cook for DD and include himself he should have given OP a heads up that that was what he was planning, given that there was a meal planned for both he and OP later on that evening. And OP says he never cooks. Even more of a reason to alert her to the fact that there’s a change of plan. At best it’s rude. At worst he hasn’t considered OP at all. I do think the fact that he resorted to name calling so easily is a red flag and also an indication that he knew he was wrong and didn’t like being called out on it.

What is wrong with people that you all think that the bare minimum - checking if your partner would like the food you’re about to cook for the rest of the household - is somehow unreasonable. Give your heads a wobble!

Nice backtracking there.

On the other hand when I saw the title of the thread I thought either the OP is the breadwinner and her DH is a househusband or she has servants. There wasn't a meal for me when I walked in comes across as very arrogant at first sight.

His language was never ok .
This being said your behaviour seems bad too . If you don’t like what he is cooking and you don’t what to eat then why be annoyed . It’s sem you are jealous of his relationship with his daughter . How many days a week does he have her ?

He made food without including her and went against their usual routine, again without consulting her. It was right there in the post.

Every weekend. And the problem is not that OP is jealous. It’s that as far as he’s concerned she’s invisible.

A sleepover in the lounge? Nah, acting like it's just him and his daughter when you're there isn't on. He's rude and abusive.

This. Some people on here are either hard of understanding or live like selfish pricks

I don't know why people are being so obtuse.

It's weird that he made himself a meal without mentioning to you that he was having his dinner at that time and not with you later, which you were expecting. Whether you liked the meal that he was cooking or not. If I cooked a meal for the myself and the kids and not for my husband, then my husband would question why I hadn't.

It's disgraceful that he called you a selfish cunt. That would be a red flag for me.