AIBU to ask you for the funniest reasons you've lost interest in someone?

[BakedInAButteryFlakyCrust]

I did one of these threads under a different username a couple of years ago with hundreds and hundreds of replies and it genuinely brought me to tears. I can't find it to read back on.

I'm recovering from surgery and laying horizontal and was hoping some of you could revive your funny / cringy experiences to brighten my day.

After a long marriage, I have spent the last 3 years being superbly single and here are some that I have been through, which immediately gave me the 'ick.'

• I was taken on a lovely date in London. Really hit it off well. He drove me home (rooky error) and proceeded to indicate around every bend and curve in the road. I got home, thanked him for his time and blocked him.

• next one was a guy I was seeing for a few months. He told me 6 days in 'I generally really love you.' And would type Mabye instead of maybe. I just couldn't get over it.

• getting jiggy with someone. I proceeded to use my hand to help me along. After the deed was done and I (finally) got there, he proceeded to well up with actual tears and told me I shouldn't need to do that, and to give him constructive feedback on his performance so I wouldn't need to do that in future. I didn't sleep with him again.

• Those fucking ridiculous ballerina socks men wear. This might be trivial but I just wait for any bloke wearing them to burst into a full pirouette. This was also the same guy as above.

• Another hinge guy would send 😂 after every message. What are you up to today? 😂
I'm just getting home from work 😂

I have so many more. Many many more. Please tell me your experiences to remind me why I need to stay single!

I really fancied a lad who looked like Ronan Keating. I thought he was gorgeous and was working on him, flirting etc.
And then he said "when you look like me you don't need beauty sleep". That ended before it began! 🤣

1. Every time we went out for a drink he’d eat at least 3 bags of scampi fries. He had that kind of breath that smells lingered on. I still can’t deal with scampi fries.
2. The first time we had sex, he moaned in my ear “It feels like heaven to be inside you” 🤢
3. His hairline came down too far at the back

>Another guy would lick the inside of his crisp packet until there was literally >nothing but spit left on it. That was nice.

You say that like there's something wrong with it.

Honestly I was enjoying this thread until you came along and gave me the Ick 🙄

The Greek who was fun and sexy but wore really trend led footwear and jackets - think studded army boots and pointy shoes, tight leather jackets sometimes with metallic accents. He also tried to insist our parents met on the 2nd date!!!

The Spaniard who had some kind of foreskin issue when he was a child, it ended up being removed when he was a young teen, this led to reduced sensation in the tip. He could fuck for hours which I loved in the beginning but eventually drove me mental. Got the real ick when I found out he drew comics at 25 years old.

The ginger Brit who was kind, masculine and calm he had sex almost silently and did this odd little shiver when he came, I got over that but died inside when he openly told me he’d googled my dad and made a comment guessing the amount of wealth we had as a family.

The posh blonde who insisted I walk ‘on the inside’ of the pavement, if I strayed he barked ‘I’m on the outside’ such a shame as I really really liked his mother and sister!!

When he went jogging he would hold his arms up to his chest and they'd flap around like a bird. Was humiliating for me as I had to jog next to him, but never again after witnessing that car crash.

Another when (attempting to) flirt with me at work was saying something and idk what it was because I was so distracted by a fly that was slowly buzzing around his massive hair that was always dirty. I was watching intently as it eventually landed on his head and borrowed into his hair and it didn't fly back out. Probably drowned in the grease, which was also ick-inducing. Think the ickiest part was he didn't even notice me obviously staring at his head not saying anything.

The guy who thought he was being quirky and funny by saying going for "chips and fish".

Another more recent one who used to say "I love you (first name, surname)" like he was in some shitty romcom. Same bloke, when someone asked how he was would reply and say "and your good self?"
I finally got rid of him about three months ago. It was my birthday last week and he sent me a happy birthday message that ended with "regards (name)". Icked again.

Oh I love it, bless her x

😂

Ok I have some from my many years of being single and dating

1. He had very long very narrow tapered hands, sort of white and bald like fish fillets or tentacles. I saw him recently in an fb photo and his hands still give me the boke

1. He commenced our first date by (I kid you not) playing me his self written and produced album on Spotify. Wow. It was not good. Same guy also told me I'd look great if I went to the gym (lol) and that I should talk to 'a guy I know called Jesus'. Yeesh. He's a whole story in himself.

1. Spent the first date staring at my boobs whilst telling me how much of a bitch his ex (mother of his child) was

1. Told me in detail about his cat's health problems, insisted that diabetes of the eyes is called 'eye-abetes' (his cat had it) then did sad eyes and told me how lonely he is since all his friends had kids and abandoned him. Yuk

1. Wore very white high top trainers

1. We got back to his to find he lived in his parents' garage. He was in his 30s.

1. Lost his phone and had a full on toddler hissy fit, accusing me of moving it and shouting/crying. It was only our 3rd date or so

1. Said that me making noise during sex was distracting and 'offputting' and basically a turn off for him. I see him around sometimes with his partner and young kid and wonder how his missus is getting on in her life of silent sex 😂

Did you record him sleeping? Lol

Do you mean Webecca ? 😉

Mine are all from decades ago.

The first I remembered was the one who talked about his ex during sex and then got out of bed afterwards to put on full length paisley pyjamas .Then there was the one who sweated so heavily during the act that it was dripping all over me. And he had pickled onion breath and thought it was erotic to have a drink of water and dribble into my mouth.

Or the one who had bad eczema and I woke up with his face kind of stuck to mine.

Or the Canadian with a ski jump nose who was very kind and a really competent lover but I just couldn't get into it because I didn't fancy him that much and he was deathly boring.

Yes! He had to sort of blow through his (pointy, natch) lips to make an approximation of the 'r' sound.

When I was a kid I took against a BBC TV drama of 'Nicholas Nickleby' on the basis that the actor for NN was too pointy.

Pointy nose, pointy chin, pointy boots, just all too pointy. Gave me the pip.

Then someone came to audition for a stage version in Cambridge, and I turned him down for being too pointy, too.

Just & rightful revenge.

Early 80s, I got chatting to guy in a club. We exchanged numbers. A few days later his MOTHER rang me and asked if I would like to go out with her son at the weekend 🤣🤣 i politely declined, ,having images of his mum accompanying him on the date 😅

In addition to his pointiness he was also a nasty, controlling arsehole but that wasn't immediately apparent.

One wore white jeans.

One crossed his legs in an incredibly camp way.

One held his fork like a soup spoon 🤢

Out of curiosity i googled pictures of David Cameron in his younger years. He actually looked quite a catch 😆

😂

Nah. He was a bit dangerous actually. We went on holiday to Ireland and he was in a shop buying a paper and three younger lads, probably late teens/early twenties went by and one of them pulled the tennis ball off the ball hitch of our land rover for some unknown reason.

Ex shot out of the shop and punched him so hard his nose was flat. His face was actually flat and there was blood everywhere.

He calmly walked back into the shop, paid for his paper, put the tennis ball back on the ball hitch and we drove away with this flat faced bloke pouring blood out of what was left of his face.

I didn't leave immediately as he was scary but he eventually met someone else and buggered off. He died a couple of years ago according to FB.

This was an ick among many.

YOU SEE HOW I WAS TAKEN IN

Not a date but a guy i got talking to at work years ago (I work in retail and he was fucking hot-i would have banged him in the bloody car park-he was really sexy)

We got chatting and somehow got onto the subject of how I'm finding it hard to keep on top of my weight and how I thought it may be linked to the menopause

He immediately whipped out his phone while telling me all about this special diet that keeps weight off

He banged on (loudly) about it for about ten minutes while I'm desperately trying to
A-get away
B-make eye contact with any colleague who walked past to signal with my eyes to call me away (the bastards had heard what was going on and left me there for their own amusement,i could hear the sniggers at ten feet away)

Hes banging on about this diet (which seemed to boil down to 'eat loads of meat and dont eat any carbs' so basically the atkins diet) and finally finished with 'my sister in law is on this diet,she was a big fat girl like you,but she lost 8 stone in a year,you could do the same but i think you may have about 10 stone to lose' (I dont-im maybe maybe a stone heavier than if like to be)

At 'big,fat girl like you...' my flaps clamped shut and I dried up faster than a desert

He then started banging on about how he's single,has been for about 15 years and women don't seem interested in him

Wonder why?!

These are all different guys:
When he thought we'd had enough foreplay he asked "are you ready for dicky"?
This guy would never use dressing on a salad or reciprocate oral sex.
Then another who had no idea what foreplay was.

Lost interest when I made a green Thai curry (went to the extra trouble of getting proper ingredients in Chinatown) and the fucker put ketchup on it.