AIBU to ask you for the funniest reasons you've lost interest in someone?

[BakedInAButteryFlakyCrust]

I did one of these threads under a different username a couple of years ago with hundreds and hundreds of replies and it genuinely brought me to tears. I can't find it to read back on.

I'm recovering from surgery and laying horizontal and was hoping some of you could revive your funny / cringy experiences to brighten my day.

After a long marriage, I have spent the last 3 years being superbly single and here are some that I have been through, which immediately gave me the 'ick.'

• I was taken on a lovely date in London. Really hit it off well. He drove me home (rooky error) and proceeded to indicate around every bend and curve in the road. I got home, thanked him for his time and blocked him.

• next one was a guy I was seeing for a few months. He told me 6 days in 'I generally really love you.' And would type Mabye instead of maybe. I just couldn't get over it.

• getting jiggy with someone. I proceeded to use my hand to help me along. After the deed was done and I (finally) got there, he proceeded to well up with actual tears and told me I shouldn't need to do that, and to give him constructive feedback on his performance so I wouldn't need to do that in future. I didn't sleep with him again.

• Those fucking ridiculous ballerina socks men wear. This might be trivial but I just wait for any bloke wearing them to burst into a full pirouette. This was also the same guy as above.

• Another hinge guy would send 😂 after every message. What are you up to today? 😂
I'm just getting home from work 😂

I have so many more. Many many more. Please tell me your experiences to remind me why I need to stay single!

He used to wash up his washing up bowl and put it away in a cupboard.

My gran did that, she thought leaving the bowl in the sink was unhygienic.

Waited for me at the train station with giant (bigger than me) teddy bear. It was used, dirty and probably 30 years old.
I was so embarrassed that I spent few hours that evening cutting it in pieces and packing in black bin bags as couldn't face our receptionist (used to live in students accommodation).

I had one who used to lick my ears, deeply inside, probably deeper than cotton bud can reach....

What? The ick works both ways yanno!

Because they reminded me of someone else with similar mannerisms.

Hi, I suppose the two examples should be considered equally.

As for your question, I guess I thought women are perhaps more sensible in that regard and disinclined to become involved in violence, where men (a certain type at least) seem to fall into it much more easily, especially if they have been drinking.

Why would you think that was fishing? Am I not allowed to be put off by things?

Out of control grey nose hair which clashed hysterically with the beard he dyed dark brown

Well I wouldn't be impressed by such a character and it certainly isn't the kind of person I would seek to associate with (beyond work, if we were indeed colleagues).

Maybe they were not good examples in terms of being funny - though there was some degree of humour in them for me - but they are certainly genuine examples.

I always said the same and now thankfully I am single. No-one will be moving in at all. I've got a vetting list which is pretty lengthy so there may be no-one up to that to even consider a date.😂

They are grim. DH ordered some from Next for some deck-shoes required for a recent wedding party (whole other thread there) and the cardboard inserts they came packaged on looked like penises. I couldn't un-see it. They have since been named the cock-socks. Hopefully never to be seen again.

In the seventies I went on a first date ( friend of a friend) to the cinema. He turned up in a suit which I thought was OTT. People seemed to be looking at him and laughing.
Film was Saturday Night Fever and YEP was the white suit black shirt combo! Aaaargh! I was mortified. Announced he’d already seen the film 10 times 😩
I saw him at a party ( shared a few friends) a few months later wearing the suit again and doing the Night Fever dance. He was no John Travolta.

Removing shoes in the pub is bad enough, even before getting to the crisps element! Appalling.

Yeah, I like to buy a particular kind of large sourdough but it's only really me who eats it, so if I didn't freeze it I wouldn't get through it fast enough. It's not about being tight.

One who referred to getting his hair cut as getting his 'heed sharpened''

'Spanish archer' for 'el bow' isn't at all unusual where I'm from. My grandparents said it.

I'm pretty sure it also got used in either Minder or Only Fools And Horses in the 80s/90s too.

Just wear socks if your feet are sweaty?
But sometimes I want to look as if I'm not wearing socks. If I'm wearing e.g. a dress with trainers I don't want visible socks. It changes the look. That's not so hard to understand, is it?
Also, I have quite bony feet and toes, so unless I'm wearing shoes with some kind of padding/lining bare feet can be uncomfortable and rub.

I've told this one under a different name before.

One bloke was chatting me up in a bar and inexplicably decided to pretend he was walking a tightrope with wobbling for dramatic effect.

He added to the spectacle by ''da da daaing'' some circus music. He started at about 12 seconds into the music below......

Difficult to know how to respond to something like that really 😳

😂😂😂😂

He always added the word "up" where it was superfluous.

Examples - "I'm just going to park up"
"I'm plating up the meal"

Same man - saying "meal" was enough for me to ghost him on its own, actually. Especially as he pronounced it "miw".

He also pronounced hospital "hostaple".

Absolute twat.

Ha! This reminds me of James the investment banker.

We had a very brief fling but I ended it on the night be said he was taking me for dinner........... then he went and bought one portion of fish and chips for us to share in the car.

Not in Hastings by any chance?
My friend and I accidentally found ourselves there on a nudist beech and stayed for a while to gawp at the sight. Mostly men and a a few couples. But one of the men had the most awful lengthy dangling underneath bits, don’t know how he managed to walk around normally.

Didn't live in Manchester did he? Sounds very similar to someone I was seeing years ago. We'd been out a couple of times and he'd been to mine more than once. Invited me to stay for the weekend. Charged me petrol money for picking me up. Made dinner - but a tiny portion, had mentioned dessert, but then said he wanted the cheesecake he had bought to last - so just one spoonful each! Next morning he made himself breakfast, didn't offer me anything! He also liked smacking my bum during sex - which was very unexpected the first time and that, along with him wanting me to talk dirty to him just made me want to laugh. Needless to say, it didn't last long.

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne I can't STAND the word "meal" - would be an instant ick.

3 different women -

End of a date, I wasn't interested anyway as she'd been chatting absolutely terrible mince while seductively touching her face all the way through it, I gave her a lift to where she'd parked, had to brake, and she put her hands dramatically on the dashboard and left two enormous dusty orange foundation handprints. Couldn't get her out of my car fast enough.

One came then sat up in bed with her hands over her head triumphantly and roared like a lion. I changed my number the next day.

Had an ex who was pathologically aspirational, always referred to getting shopping delivered as "waiting for the Ocado man" (it was Asda) and once confidently told me that every relationship had a racehorse and a donkey stole cutlery from Eurostar. Instant and complete loss of respect, which was already hanging by a thread.