AIBU to feel used by this school mum

[Sarawithoutah]

Sorry this is a long one.
I have been “friends” with this mum for a number of years since both our sons started primary school. Our eldest sons are in the same class (year 6) and also our youngest sons are in the same class in year 3.

multiple times over the years she has asked me to take them to school and pick them up, the boys would usually stay at mine for around an hour before and after school. I usually pick her children up at least once a week or sometimes twice.

i have noticed that every half term and summer holiday I never hear off her, i know it works both ways with communicating but it makes me feel used. I have seen many updates on social media that she and another mum from school have days out together with the children.

There was a Halloween event on at school last week and I asked her if she was going, she said she was unsure if she could make it. I saw her with another mum there, her son ignored my son because he had another friend and didn’t want to know mine which upset my son.

she has asked me if I can help out every week as she has started a new job, would I be unreasonable to say no or how do I get round this as I feel very used silly and hurt as I thought this woman was a friend.

There's a style of posting on here that gets angry with anyone seen as being weak or conflict averse.

It isn't personal; it's projection of their own hurt about times it has happened to them and their own fear about whether they will steel themselves in the future. But I find it grating too.

I’m not that poster, but it’s a choice between different types of discomfort. Choose the minor discomfort of saying no, or the much longer and more pervasive discomfort of seething in silence while allowing yourself to be exploited by someone you neither like no respect —and for fear of what, exactly?

So have you told her you’re doing pick up and drop offs anymore?

HI CF
we have talked about your proposal of me picking up more childcare for your boys, and wanted to let you know that I will be unable to help you out anymore after half term. My boys want to be able to socialise with other friends after school and are looking into after school clubs / sports so I can no longer commit to helping you.
@Sarawithoutah

you don’t even need to give a reason so could even cut that out and simply say you’ve discussed it as a family and for reasons you’d rather not discuss you won’t be able to help her anymore.

Leave the message as 'read', but don't reply. Give her a taste of her own medicine.

That's just it-she has form for just ghosting people and not explaining what they've done 'wrong' to them

I've known of at least two people that she's done this to and it gives her so much pleasure to hear they've been running around asking people to tell them what theyve done wrong (nothing-she just got bored of them)

If she thinks I'm doing the same,she's very much mistaken

Your either my friend or your not-i don't chase anyone

She'll be back in touch at some point and I'm not picking up the rope

I'm matching her energy and giving her a taste of her own nasty medicine

You'd think a women who's 60 early next year wouldn't play games but here we are

I'm not doing her any other favours-I'm no mug

I miss her dog,he was the sweetest boy and ill never forget him but I'm fucked if I'm doing it all again with her new dog (when she gets one) when it appears she's dropped me until she wants something

This is such an amazing post, it's worth copying onto all CF threads from now on.

This!

Any long explanation will not be received as you mean it and anything shared with other mums won’t be favourable. Keep it vague, it will be better in the long run.

say no sorry say its too much of a commitment then walk away dont discuss it further with her. she'll blank you after unless she needs you. she sees you as an unpaid child minder. no loss.

Sorry (user) but it's become clear our friendship is unbalanced and I'm not getting out of going the extra mile. Ta ta!.

multiple times over the years she has asked me to take them to school and pick them up, the boys would usually stay at mine for around an hour before and after school. I usually pick her children up at least once a week or sometimes twice.

she has asked me if I can help out every week as she has started a new job,

If you are picking her sons up once/twice a week anyway and looking after them before school then what extra help is she wanting from you ?

She is a cheeky mare no dispute there .
She's probably hoping you;ll carry on with the couple of days then add on an extra day or two . And if her new job means she;ll be travelling more it won;t just be an hour in the morning and an hour after school . !