AIBU to feel used by this school mum

[Sarawithoutah]

Sorry this is a long one.
I have been “friends” with this mum for a number of years since both our sons started primary school. Our eldest sons are in the same class (year 6) and also our youngest sons are in the same class in year 3.

multiple times over the years she has asked me to take them to school and pick them up, the boys would usually stay at mine for around an hour before and after school. I usually pick her children up at least once a week or sometimes twice.

i have noticed that every half term and summer holiday I never hear off her, i know it works both ways with communicating but it makes me feel used. I have seen many updates on social media that she and another mum from school have days out together with the children.

There was a Halloween event on at school last week and I asked her if she was going, she said she was unsure if she could make it. I saw her with another mum there, her son ignored my son because he had another friend and didn’t want to know mine which upset my son.

she has asked me if I can help out every week as she has started a new job, would I be unreasonable to say no or how do I get round this as I feel very used silly and hurt as I thought this woman was a friend.

Chimed as have just rewatched the Halloween episode of Motherland where shameless Julia manipulates guileless Kevin again to hold a Halloween party so that she can again foist kid for a few hours.

There must be a thread somewhere about which Motherland character would you be? Kevin is a sweetheart but I wouldn’t want to be him, although I suspect I sometimes was (days are long over for me).

Not trying to minimise OP, just if you want some light relief and you haven’t seen it already, it might be apt comfort telly.

Block her on all channels OP.

If she ever approaches you in person and asks for a favour just say NO.

Don’t JADE- justify,argue,defend or explain.

Just say “no” “I don’t want to”

‘Is this paid or unpaid?’

You shouldn't criticise yourself for being a decent person. Really all parents should be. Ok, everyone should try to be nice and help others-and shame on them, not on you, if they take advantage. Just like we shouldn't blame victims for the criminal's action, we shouldn't be putting down good folk who are the victims of CFs. Obviously once you find out someone was taking advantage, put a stop to it, as lots of people advised OP.
But it could have gone completely the other way, and you could have been friends for life. You didn't lose anything-and the next person you treat well might be lovely in return-just don't indulge this CF any more.

You could say that you don't think your kids hang out together anymore so it's not fair on the DC make them be friends when it seems they don't want to. She is a user.

She probably also uses the other parents as well

Just so no why is that so hard

I had the same but with a dog

His owner would ask me to have him about 4 weeks out of every year while she went away and I always agreed as he was lovely and no trouble

I never asked for a penny,fed him at my own expense (which wasnt cheap) ran my life around him when he was at ours and would run him home afterwards

Sadly,he died about 4 months ago and I've not spoken to her since,she leaves me on read and ignores me in the street

She's on about getting another one and I won't be sitting for him/her

Some people have no shame-ive saved her thousands of pounds over the last 10 years and and she cant even reply to a message

(to be said in a nice and not bitter way, kill with kindness):

“no that wont work for me sorry. our boys dont seem to be friends anyway as your john didnt want to even say hello to my jim at the halloween bash you attended with mrs smith and her son. Oh, perhaps she could help you” (the last bit being said like it’s a brilliant idea you just thought of and not like youd prefer to spit on the cheeky, using fuckers shoe) 😂

if she says anything else your retort should be a smiley “sorry we cannot help, i’d best be off bye”.

I would be so tempted to tell her to fuck off.
Just say that doesn't work for me.
Rinse and repeat.

@Sarawithoutah she is a CF!!

I would go with the dialogue that the boys dont seem to be friendly any more so its not really convenient. But perhaps she could try another mum...

Friends come along in life when you least expect them. One good friend is far better than lots if flaky ones.

I'd say "Probably best if you make other plans. Its been ages since the boys had anything to do with each other outside school, and at the Halloween event they barely spoke. Might be a bit unfair now to push them together"

I’d just keep it short. ‘Thanks for the offer but no.’

No apologies, no explanations, just tell her you can't. If she asks why, don't give her explanations or apologies. You can't. That's enough.

Your child comes first. And then you. She's an ignorant user. It's good to learn to stop acquiescing now because in my experience (over 20 years) the cheeky fuckers never stop coming. It must be at least mostly reciprocal with these things.

What a shitcunt that dog owner is. You are a good person. I would mentally reframe it as you were simply having time with your buddy (the dog, rip) and fuck the owner, they are just some random who happened to own your buddy.

People are so weird!

Agree with those saying just say no, but I think another option could be saying “yes I could be interested, what sort of remuneration did you have in mind?” Obviously she doesn’t intend to pay, but it highlights to her what a cf she is.

This is the perfect response

Dont do this!
She wont care and Op will be accused of creating drama
@Sarawithoutah
Be firm and just say No that wont be possible
You wont see her for dust

Just say no
DON’T explain or justify it far more powerful than some 1/2 arsed excuse

Tell her it’ll be £30p/h with surcharges for lateness, too; or ask her what she’s going to do to repay you.

Better still, as already recommended by most here: just say no.
Preferably with a little laugh to show you can’t quite believe her cheek.

She clearly isnt a friend. Say no to everything.

I have done
Apparently she has form for this (I didn't know)
Rip k,we really did love you,shame your owner is a twat

(Thank you)

This
get rid

"Sounds like you need a childminder"

This! ⬆️ She’s a cheeky b!tch who’s using you. Say no & don’t feel the need to explain why!!