Most stupid ways you’ve injured yourself?

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So I had toothache in one tooth. Thinking it was grinding I got a home tooth guard. Completly messed up the moulding process somehow but continued to push it up in to my teeth an bite down thinking it would work. Didn’t work for did process again.. same thing. Basically bit down into hard plastic! Now I’ve hurt my front teeth along with others hope they are just bruised but at this point I think it may be worse a need to see a dentist! Oh and the other tooth still hurts! Don’t know why I continued to do that or what the hell I was thinking but yes so so so stupid! The please tell me the most stupid things you’ve done to make me feel slightly better?

Came out of the hospital outpatients after physio on my foot. Somehow I tripped over my own walking stick just outside the door, fell and banged my head, and was carried back into A and E with concussion.

Something similar. As a bon swimming child, at the end of a day, I jumped off the side of a swimming pool with a rubber ring around my waist. I wasn't holding it, it slipped down to my ankles and held them up while my head kept dropping into the water. Saved by the lifeguard...

Ran into a danger sign on a French beach. Needed stitches in my forehead (tbf I was 8)

Poked myself in the eye with arm of my glasses while chewing them. My eye dented completely red I had three trips to different hospitals over the next three days and two types of antibiotics.

I’ve posted this before. Dropped the blade for the food processor, and tried to catch it as it fell. It embedded itself into my knuckle. Pulled it out, resulting in a fair bit of blood. Groped around the kitchen for something to clean it up, spreading blood all around in the process. Found a tea towel and cleaned the blood away, realised I could see the bone and promptly fainted, banging my head on the way down and knocking myself out . Poor DH was out walking the dog at the time, came back to find what no doubt looked like a murder scene with me out cold on the kitchen floor and blood everywhere. Poor man nearly had a heart attack.

And more recently.... 3 weeks ago, I damaged my back planting a late crop of lettuces. Lettuces are sulking in this foul weather and I'm in severe pain when I move my left leg. Physio not until next Wednesday....

Sorry I shouldn’t laugh.

Opened a bottle of champagne and the cork flew straight into my eye.

These are horrendous-and hilarious!

You win.

At a friends 30th birthday party I’d had a couple of wines and couldn’t be bothered to open the baby stair gate so tried to climb over it. I pulled it off the wall and fell backwards down the stairs and hit my head on something. Was mortified. Tried to style it out until blood was running down the back of my head and had to have stitches at A&E. Doesn’t help I have blonde hair that was then bright red! Not my finest moment!

Put my neck into a spasm flushing the toilet has to be my most random!

Sober one: making salad for friend in my kitchen, chit chatting. Recounted hilarious news story about the number of people visiting A&E after sustaining avocado-related injuries. Tinkly little laugh, what boneheads they must be eh? 10 seconds later my palm gets impaled on a knife. Had to wrap my entire forearm in kitchen roll while friend drove me to A&E. My left palm still aches in the rain. I don’t even like avocados.

Drunk one: after a couple of pints of strong cider, I leapt gazelle-like over a wall to greet a friend. It was maybe 2 feet high….as you faced it, BUT about 3 inches off the ground from behind. Landed with a hideous crack, vomited all over my friend from shock. Broken heel. I don’t like cider any more.

I was a pool attendant many years ago, I can assure you that every pool attendant I know could tell you of at least one child that has done this. The really memorable ones were where a parent, usually a dad, thought it would be a jolly jape to do this to a child.

I ironed my hands
Bought myself one of those iron presses and held both hands over the shirt I was ironing and then lowered the lid
cannot even begin to talk about the pain

Walked past my husband, accidentally kicked his knee, broke my toe.

Divorced him jic.

Oh eM Gee, That had me winching! I can't imagine how painful that must have been. Did you have to seek medical help? Did new nails grow back?

Fell off a horse. Had no reason to be on a horse other than a nostalgic urge to relive my youth. Broke my collar bone in 2 places and 4 ribs.

It was absolutely horrible, I will never forget looking at my bent backwards nails coming off at each edge. Bloody painful too. I didn't get medical help, I cut them all off as much as I could. It really was a horrible shock. I had spent ages growing them and nurturing them. Horrible, horrible.

edited to add, yes they grew back fine.

Injuring my foot by attempting to kick my cat. Bad I know, but he was particularly vicious I missed him and kicked my bed

I was shaking out my son's duvet cover and caught it on the door handle unknowingly. The next swing down brought the door smack bang into my face and left me with a lovely bruised nose. I didn't realise just how much force I was putting into it 🥴

Stood up under a floating shelf. Forehead had to be glued. Embarrassing.

Ooh ooh remembered another one...ran at pace into a wire fence I didn't see, in the dark...the most collosal bruise and a dent I still have in my thigh 33 years later

Post shower I sat naked on my bed and burnt my arse on my hair straighteners

A decade ago. I walked up a wooden ladder on an outdoor tree house type activity at Holkham Hall, as I was filming my eldest daughter on my phone. Didn't see the wooden beam at the top, and banged the top of my head hard.

I didn't knock myself out, but gave myself an awful and quite severe concussion and post concussion syndrome for 8 months.

This subsequently gave me a severe breakdown after anxiety and insomnia, and then I was extremely unfortunate to be injured permanently by an off label antipsychotic that gave me a movement disorder.

So yes. It was quite literally the most stupid injury of my life.😭💔