Child responsibilities.. Should dinner be made or even started when the first parent gets home from work?

[Playinwithfire]

Last night I get home, it was around 7.30 and my youngest said mummy I'm hungry. I was confused DH had been home since 2pm and sorted HIS stuff and then he headed off to his hobby. I checked to see if they had enough dinner, then the child says we didn't get any dinner! I'm furious...

There has been a few changes and I have been very understanding that DH is trying to adjust. However, for f"*k sake... I feel like I need to still manage everything and ensure things get done. I'm asked a 100 questions daily. An I snapped last night...

I just don't get how you can go off to a hobby knowing that your children still haven't eaten however, you've made sure all the stuff he had to do was priority and very much completed.

Your kids don't teally seem to have a lot of gumption do they? Surely evem the 8 year old could msnage to at least heat something up?

Should they need to though, if there’s a parent in the house doing his own thing?

I think whether the kids knew what time their dad was leaving would give a clearer picture to this.

Why have you quoted me?

Who feeds an 8 yo at 7pm?

Well clearly NOT the father

No idea why the 15 year old is catching strays for not making the kids some tea instead of their actual adult father ensuring they were fed.

OP, I’d be furious if my husband didn’t feed our kids their tea by 7:30. And your husband knows he’s in the wrong which is why he’s apparently trying to put the blame on the 15 year old.

So dh half assed and tried to palm it off on 15 year old. What a dick.

Even a bloody toastie would have done before he disappeared off to his hobby

Reading between the lines from the OP’s first post, it could be that she has been at home more until recently, possibly working part time, but is now doing more hours at work and the dad has not taken as much responsibility for childcare/chores as he should in the past so is feeling it now that he has to step up 🤔

@arethereanyleftatall I've mentioned he was just doing bits and bobs around the house nothing that drastically stops him organising dinner.

@mrsm43s You're just wrong, simple as. He was not badly behaved. It was not his responsibility and his D was wrong for dumping that responsibility on him.

Did DH feed himself during that time?

I’m starting to wonder if there’s some sort of magical transformation that occurs when men step foot on their property when they suddenly lose the ability they have whilst at work to independently think for themselves& problem solve and turn into useless lumps?

At the same time there seems to be an abundance of an inability on this thread from people to use common and not blame a fucking 15 year for their useless shit of a fathers lack of parenting skills;to be clear here it’s the adult male who fathered said children’s responsibility to feed them not a secondary school aged kid.

If it had been a quick turn around where dad popped home and out again, I could understand him asking the 15 year old to.sort the food. The fact that he had been home hours cancels this obligation out.

What are you going to do about it OP?

Its not just the meal prep, the feeding etc, its the clearing up after, its the gesture that says you've been at work all day and you can come home to a tidy house, kids fed, etc - we are a team raising kids together. Tosser

Nope I'm not. Keep enabling your disobedient child though, best way for him to turn into a useless adult.

Yeah im sorry OP but what the hell gives, at 8 they should be long past needing parenting. Why wasnt the 8 year old put in charge of whipping up a 3 course meal, in fact why weren't they out at work or have you raised lazy kids come on!

I despair that some posters would put more on the kids than the actual parent because let's not ask the poor man to parent, especially when they have reached the grand age of 8 😱

Ah I see - so not only has the OP got to do all the planning, organising and working too, but now she has to mop up after her useless H by blaming her disobedient child for the situation.

Gotcha!

Any blame going for the useless H going there @mrsm43s , or does he get out of it all with his Penis Privilege Badge (it is similar to a Blue Peter badge, but with a VERY different emblem on)

No, there are two separate issues. OP's useless husband and OP's disobedient child who she is training to turn into a useless adult.

what is wrong with your lazy self absorbed husband that he doesn’t know to feed a child?!

a snack on dc returning home from school
followed by dinner, ready when the majority of the family arrive home around 6 or 7pm at latest (any later and it would be younger child bath and bed time)

id be livid with your husband. selfish man thinking only of himself and trying to palm off responsibility for his talks into a 15 year old - and then not even checking something was in the oven or whatever, just walking away.

that’s bad. if hes going to act like a child, thinking only of himself and his own needs and taking no responsibility for anything i’d be telling him if you’re going to act like a child them you'll be treated like one. no club. you’re grounded for not making tea when you knew you had to. your punishment is doing all MY chores and life admin for a week and see how you like that. welcome to my world.

Things that would have been fine:

DH cooking meal for the family and everyone (other than OP) eating before he leaves at 7

DH prepping a meal for everyone and asking 15 year old to plate it up/heat it up

DH asking 15 year old to cook something he knows they are capable of for the family - DH having done the thinking eg stick chicken nuggets and chips in the oven or use these ingredients and do a stir fry

DH sorting out the younger kids dinner and expecting 15 year old to sort himself out

Was DH working between 2.30 and whatever time he went out? As an occasional thing, it's fine IMO to ask 15 year old to fix something for younger DC as long as it is treated as 15 year old helping parent out and not delegating parenting to 15 year old.

Going out at 7 and leaving an 8 year old unfed without having established that 15 year old would step in is a bit shit.

The whole thing is a mess, YANBU to be frustrated and more with your husband's behaviour when as pp have said, there are so many other options available.

My initial thought at just the headline, thinking it's a very common situation of two parents getting home around similar times that it may save grief to rota it, adjusting as needing. My DH, I, and our teens all have days we cook for the family and if there is a need to swap, we talk it out.

But your DH was home at 2pm, and dumped the task on the 15 year old at 7pm on his way out? Ridiculous. At the very least, having a 5 minute conversation earlier in the day to check on the 15 year old's availability and what's in the kitchen that he can make was in order, but it reads like your DH put no thought at all into that.

@PlayinwithfireWhat has he said about it since?

The vitriol aimed at @mrsm43sisnt fair. She has maintained throughout that of course the dh is useless. But it is ALSO true that the 15 year old was asked by his parent to cook something at 7pm. That isnt ‘delegating parenting’ or any of the other over the top words posters have used, it is an entirely reasonable chore to allocate a 15 year old to contribute to family life. He didn’t bother and left it to his mum who had been working to sort out when she got home. That ALSO isn’t good. He is likely learning off his father that this is women’s work. The op is refusing to even consider that her son should have popped the pasta on, having been asked to by his dad, because to do that means she can’t direct all her ire at the husband.

Has anyone seen the same story on Facebook? This just popped up for me. Very strange!

The 15 to wasn’t even asked til 7pm. The younger dc should have been fed and entering bed time routine by then so if definitely not blame the child who was probably doing something else for not dropping it and starting to cook while also presumably looking after his younger siblings so dad could go out.