To consider moving to private school because my 6 year old is doing ‘okay’?

[naturalstressor]

‘OK’ sort of sums it up. He’s ’in the middle, but towards the lower end of it.’ He’s getting a bit of extra support with phonics, maths is ‘OK’ and behaviour is good.

I do feel like he’s slumping behind a bit and keen to support him but I really am doing everything I can at home.

I am considering whether to move him to private school. It would be a huge financial burden but I really want to help him. I feel like he is underachieving but isn’t weak enough to warrant a lot of extra input.

He needs to get the basics in his own time and somewhere he is happy.
That is truly all that matters.

OP you sound like a great mum doing a great job for your DS. I'd quietly go and have some private school tours to see how you feel. You might come back buzzing and can't wait for your DS to start. Or you might come back with a sense that it's not worth the money at this stage. How happy is he there? I'd be less keen to move him if he's very settled and happy. If he's bored, losing confidence, not doing well with friendships etc, then I'd have a much lower bar. Are there any other, better state options locally?

I feel the same way as you do about tutoring - six seems too young. Maybe in a couple of years, with the right tutor.

I agree that reading is the key to everything at this age, but as he's still only six you can probably still afford to hold your nerve a bit longer with the phonics/mechanics of reading. One or two things you mentioned - e.g. "the moan was shining", as well as his claustrophobia about sitting and sounding out words - suggests that he hasn't yet fully made the connection between the mechanical side of "learning to read" and the idea of expecting it to make sense (and expecting to succeed, and find pleasure in it). The reading aloud you're already doing is the easiest and most pleasurable way to support his confidence. What sort of books do you read to him, and how does he feel about listening to them - is he keen? (Fwiw, until my oldest was six he flatly refused to pick up a book to read independently, and is now a completely voracious reader, so I wouldn't worry that he isn't doing that yet. Most of his friends probably aren't either! At this age there is still time, and interest and confidence are the real key.)

Hearing wise, DS has had repeated ear infections since he was a toddler which has impacted his hearing. Getting anyone to do anything about this is nigh on impossible. We’re under yet another consultant now. In all honesty I can’t see anyone doing anything about it.

That will be impacting phonics and reading a lot.

With DS they just seemed to keep sending us to hearing tests hed just pass or just fail and that was it.

I found the teachers feedback often confusing I think perhaps they fear being direct about actual issues - and even when they were asking what we could do to help at home rarely if ever got any concrete answers.

It was aslo surping how rarely we saw their school work - yes we did homework with them but the school work usually 5 minutes with a pile of books. I remember being very concered about DD1 spelling and teachers were oh bit behind maybe but mostly fine and DH thought I was worrying about nothing - then saw her school work and was very worried to point we started support work with that as well.

I think you have a decent plan - try and do a bit more at home - little and often - and if he still fails the phonics test end of year then look at other schools including private - small class sizes with less background noise and more adult attention will likely help even if they do not sort it entirely.

Yeah, sorry, I agree with you.

My comment was meant to say something like "the map is not the territory, pay attention to the underlying reality, not the labels that teachers use"

Thanks all. Sorry for delay: was on a day out.

My tentative plan is to continue working with him myself and see how he gets on with the phonics test at the end of the year. hopefully he will pass but if he doesn’t it is indicative of some fairly deep rooted problems in his understanding of phonics and as such I will seriously consider moving him. It’s an absolute last resort but I don’t have the confidence others have that if I just leave it and him a genius will eventually emerge!

Having hearing issues is one of the things that really interferes with learning phonics.

this is the most likely explanation for why he is behind.

a different school won’t fix his hearing issues.

you may be better advised to work at home on reading skills that are not reliant on phonics like memorising common sight words, etc.

there is advice out there.

If not having success through NHS although they should be investigating this. Do you have the means for a private audiology or gp apt as a one off to check his hearing, repeated ear infections can cause glue ear. A friend of mine son has similar and was then given hearings aids temporarily to help get through this. Now doesnt need them as his ears grew and so the glue ear reduced as did infections. It is worth asking the school for a meeting and explaining about the reoccurring investigations, they may be able to wrote a supporting letter that he is behind for the GP to investigate he ears and hearing stuff properly if it is affecting his school now.

I will offer some advice to anyone in a similar position and strongly recommend you don’t go private.

We are currently caught up in a nightmare of a system where we can’t find any private consultants to treat ds but we are bottom of the pile for the NHS because we misguidedly went private in the first instance thinking it would be quicker (ha.)

I can’t see DS’s ear issues being sorted out any time soon. But in the meantime phonics are an issue. If we come across an unfamiliar word (terrific was one the other day) he sounds out the sounds correctly but then doesn’t know the word, but then gets it immediately if I do it even if I’ve said exactly what he did, no idea why.

Why can't you find anyone to treat him privately? You should be able to refer back into the NHS too if you know what treatment is needed. This seems very odd.

Its not odd at all, its a bit of a myth at times that if you go private you can just rock up in a few days to providers waiting to treat you

Often there are also long waiting lists or simply no availability.

Yes, I started school at 7 and was the only one in my class who could already read (autistic and taught myself). One of my (very few!) classmates went on to do his degree at Cambridge and others went to various good universities.

He is 6 and you are worried he can't sound out the word terrific! ....

No @Mischance I am not worried about that.

I am worried that he can’t hear his own voice I suppose was the point of that reply. As he can hear mine.

I am also worried his teacher has said he’s behind and isn’t on track to pass the phonics test at the end of the year.

I know you think I should not give a shit because he’s only six and will catch up. I disagree. I’m not finding your (repeated) input here helpful and I’ve asked you politely twice now to stop. I’m now asking you more directly. I am not interested in your opinion because it is fundamentally at odds with mine.

I really hate it on here when one thing you say gets twisted. I’m here trying to have a sensible discussion and you just keep popping up and taking one thing I’ve said and using it in this weird campaign claiming year one children shouldn’t have any help at all or whatever the point you’re trying to make! Anyway …

Problem with private treatment for a young child is that a lot say they treat paediatrics but actually they treat over 12s or over 16s!

I’d be carrying on with everything that you’re doing at home, bringing reading into as many parts of home life as you can (we had foam letters in the bath that stuck to the bath when wet, and letter magnets on the fridge for example) but really make a nuisance of yourself getting to the bottom of his hearing issues. Be the squeaky wheel with the GP and audiology dept until you get some action. Any degree of hearing impairment (whether it’s temporary or permanent) is bound to be having a significant effect on his ability to learn phonics.

I don’t understand your thinking about adding a tutor into his week. State school days are pretty short, particularly compared to the hours of private schools so if you keep him in state school, there’s time for a tutor too. BTW, I know of many kids in private schools who also have tutors - the pressure to keep up or be asked to leave can be huge in some schools. If you do decide to look more into private education, this is definitely something to be aware of.

This update makes m think it’s 100% a hearing issue, nothing to do with academic ability. Maybe the answer is that you do the sounding-out and he does the reading, until the shapes of words is the thing he needs rather than the phonic sounds?

If most other kids aredoing better thsn him, it doesnt sound as though it is the school's fault.

@Muchtoomuchtodo they are, but he does Beavers one night a week and swimming another. Then on one day a week he’s in after school club until half four. So it would make for a very packed week!

@AlertCat it probably is. To be honest I’m not even sure how far behind he is. I can never work out whether he’s floundering hopelessly or if his teacher is just prone to being a bit negative.

@NiaAndFar I haven’t ascribed blame, that isn’t what this is about at all.

@naturalstressor most private schools are 8.30 - 4.30 Monday to Friday and many have Saturday school too so he’d have a much longer school week before you add swimming and Beavers. There’s definitely time with him in state school for an hour of tutoring a week.

For us we’d need to add in significant extra travelling time to our nearest private school. I don’t know if this would be another consideration for you too?

Another private school has suddenly closed their doors this week with immediate effect. While not wholly unexpected due to their dire financial situation, it’s obviously far from ideal for all involved. If you do go for the private option, please do your due diligence and make sure that the school is financially sound.

The small group turtoring centers in town do weekend sessions here.

I've not used them - but if weekends were better might be an option - though at some ages our weekends were also very busy.

You may also be able to get a one off assesment - find out where he is and where any issues are - but again never had to do personally.

It sounds like the issue is hearing - glue ear or more - and that will be having a massive impact on him.

He's probably missing a lot of instruction in the classroom environment - DS did and then the adults would get frustrated with him- while a small class would likely help - one to one would likely be best to keep him engaged - whether that with a tutor or at home with you.

@Muchtoomuchtodo I think looking into the specifics of private schools on this thread is a bit pointless as we can only say what hours the private schools near us do, can’t we? I don’t want it to turn into a squabbling thread (despite the best efforts of some!)

@JuliaAgrippina it is very wait and see. Not sure how logistically it would work without it impacting other things but we’ll see. Do bear in mind I posted this thread after another negative parents evening where I was wondering what on earth I can do which I haven’t already done. If I do move him (and it’s a huge ‘if’) it won’t be until the end of the year. But I don’t really want to sit on my hands and let things get worse.

@naturalstressor I absolutely agree with you. They’re just some more factors to consider as part of a not straightforward decision. Hope it all works out well for your DS.

This may already have been asked but is he young in the year? (Late spring or summer born)? That can make such a difference at first. I was an academic late bloomer as was my DD. Both slow to get into reading etc. With DD I just read to her loads and let her develop her own interests. She was on the ‘bottom table’ for maths for much of primary school so I would do some practice with her at home. She’s now doing maths at uni. I think keep an eye on things. Keep up with the extra support at home. 6 year olds vary so much and a lot can change quite naturally between starting school and finishing primary.

No, he’s one of the oldest.

Well the simplest way to see where he is is to get him to do a practice phonics check.

there’s various “mock” papers floating around - try here for example:
https://www.farndon.cheshire.sch.uk/page/phonics-screening-test-mock-papers/56634

it’s a very simple test, you just ask them to read each word, tick for correct cross for not.

some of the words are “alien” words so not words in English but they use English phonics rules.

sit and do that with him. Pass mark is usually somewhere around 32/40.

then you’ll know.

Yes, I’m aware thanks - he can’t sound out unfamiliar words very well. And even with familiar ones will sometimes make mistakes, such as spelling out ‘slam’ correctly then saying slap. But there are still over six months until the test, so hopefully he’ll have improved.