To consider moving to private school because my 6 year old is doing ‘okay’?

[naturalstressor]

‘OK’ sort of sums it up. He’s ’in the middle, but towards the lower end of it.’ He’s getting a bit of extra support with phonics, maths is ‘OK’ and behaviour is good.

I do feel like he’s slumping behind a bit and keen to support him but I really am doing everything I can at home.

I am considering whether to move him to private school. It would be a huge financial burden but I really want to help him. I feel like he is underachieving but isn’t weak enough to warrant a lot of extra input.

Can I also just add that some of the landmarks are, in my view, just silly. By the end of year 2 we expect them to read 100 words per minute out loud with proper intonation. Some days, my kids can do that easily. Others they can’t - maybe they had a late night or are under the weather or their parents just got divorced - and they are then judged to be ‘below’. It’s an awful term.

as a teacher, I see these things as a guideline. Some of my children with the deepest thinking on life and who are the most creative, great at science and scientific thinking, who say the most interesting things and are the most interesting little people, are ‘below’ in reading writing or both. THEY ARE SIX!

if you don’t think Gove is a god, then remember that these markers are arbitrary. They also change, so this year what we expect in year 1 might have been last year’s year 2 target. It’s a fucking nonsense. It’s infuriating that we have to use these boundaries but we also see your kids as little people and appreciate that they are more than just their raw scores on an arbitrary issue on any given day.

I had this with mine at a similar age. The teachers would say she was slow to catch up etc. She’s now in year 6 and the top of her class for maths (she really is amazing at it), still hates writing but they only have positive things to say.

You could give it a bit more time; there’s nothing wrong with hiring a tutor for a little extra support to go through the basics. If it’s still not working after that; then maybe make the expensive jump to private school?

Teacher here. In my opinion at 6 it's the home environment that matters more than the school. Get your ds as involved as possible in every day tasks.

Reading regularly, discussing what you've read (why do you think she did that, why is he sad?, what do you think will happen next? Etc)

Writing: help me write a shopping list, let's write a birthday card to Gran, let's leave your dad a note for him to read when he gets home.

Maths: cooking together, weighing things, doubling recipes. Shopping: we need 12 eggs, get me a pint of milk, how much does the butter cost? Notice numbers when you're out and about. If possible, pay with cash when with your ds.

There's loads of every day things you can do while still keeping things fun.

If you were considering private school at 11 anyway, then doing it a few years early because his current school is failing him is a sensible move.
Bored, unmotivated boys can start playing up for various reasons. You don't want your son sliding further behind and noone supporting him to fill in gaps in his learning.
My son is 9 and have just moved him to a private school. His primary school was failing him and we have been nursing him along for years. In 6 weeks he is a changed children - his academic needs are being met and the environment is so much better!
I know some people are anti private schools but that is their problem, not yours!
In an ideal world, we wouldn't have to pay for decent education but unfortunately that is life at the moment!

If prep is a huge financial burden then you can’t really afford it. Paying for tutoring outside of school is more budget friendly.

Give it time, you’d be amazed at the progress children make in infants. If you were still feeling he’d benefit from a smaller class size many people move at around Y3. So, so much can change across Y1-2. I’ve seen children barely able to write their own name at the start of Y1 to writing beautifully in Y2.

Behind what? Have you been told that he isn't meeting the expectations for his age? It doesn't sound like it if "he's doing ok".

At home, read with him (don't insist that he read aloud to you but encourage him to join in with familiar stories), play board games with 2 dice, that can be either added together or multiplied to give the number of moves, play simple strategy games such as dominoes, draughts, card games. Write a weekly letter to a relative together, encourage him to write a sentence or 2 of his own news in the letter. Encourage him to cook with you using written recipes, let him take orders for food from family member that he can write on a notepad.
If you go for a walk, take photos and let him write captions for them.
Stop worrying.

Speaking as both a primary school teacher, AND a private tutor, I'd advise you to chill a little bit. He's only 6, and children very much develop at different speeds. And the fact he's average is reassuring actually. He's keeping up with the class.
I assume you heard this information at parents evening? I wouldn't make a massive change to your entire lifestyle on the back of one 10-minute parents evening appointment.

Private schools are incredibly expensive, and only get more expensive as the years go on. And once you're in the private sector, it becomes quite difficult to get out.

Please do not do this!!! So many schools are going under and parents who have paid upfront are literally losing every penny.

Do not pay school fees upfront in this climate!!

What is his attitude to learning like? DD1 cruised along the middle, able but just not that interested. Her teachers thought she had no chance of passing the 11+ as they had only seen her average level work. She passed, which shocked the school. I was less shocked, I knew she was able, but tbh, a bit lazy.

But after discussion, she isn't going to grammar. She and us just don't feel its a good fit for her, she just isn't that interested in learning and it will become a battle and she will become unhappy. And an unhappy child doesn't do well.

Maybe your son is the same OP, ok academically, but just not that focused. It's way to early to know if private will be a good fit for him at secondary, so I would caution against paying all the fees upfront unless you can get a refund if doesn't work out.

I would also suggest some tutoring, at home if possible. Then you can see how well he engages and if the 'issue' is school, his attitude or his ability.

OP, I think you've been given a very hard time here. I completely understand why you're worried, even at 6 years old. You wonder if he'll be pigeonholed (which happens all the time) and then have difficulty catching up. I get why you're considering private school, which will have smaller classes and possibly less disruption/bad behaviour, and may just be a better fit for your DC.

Have you actually gone and visited a few private schools - ones you would consider? I found that school visits were incredibly helpful in clarifying what it is you want/your son needs, and you get a gut feeling about a place. You may find somewhere where you can see him happy and thriving, or you may see something else that keeps you in your present school. That will help your decision making.

And just to reassure you, as pp have pointed out, some kids just take a bit more time to develop. My daughter, in primary, was "behind" in reading at your son's age but blossomed once out of primary. She went on to Cambridge to read English Literature.

Good luck, OP!

In some countries kids haven’t even started formal education yet at aged 6. Some kids just take longer to bed in to an educational setting than others.

Back when my daughter was 4 I had a friend with a son in top flight private school’s nursery. He was struggling to pick anything up and they refused him entry into primary 1, he had to wait a year. He did the year then was held back and had to repeat it again. So even in this elite private school, they were unable to provide any solution to him not grasping it. I’m not in contact with her any more so I have no idea how the rest of his schooling turned out, but I know he attended the school right up until he graduated. This is the type of school which will ask you to leave if you do badly.

Give him a chance before making the decision. Early years at primary school are foundational, but they are also relatively easy to catch up on for a capable child. I wouldn’t be considering private school until at least aged 10 or 11.

The schools I am looking at are not going under but thank you (and I mean that sincerely, worried it sounded a bit sarky!)

Thanks @cingolimama . I haven’t yet, but have had my eye on a few as I’ve had secondary in mind anyway. I just am concerned about progress (or lack of!) at current school; it does seem like whatever I do I just get a really negative report and it does concern me a lot.

And that last sentence is precisely why you’re getting snippy responses. A six year old underachiever? Poor child.

As a non private school parent I assume you just don’t realise how many schools that were definitely not going to go under have indeed gone under….

Not on track to psss the phonics screening is definitely a concern.

however I would caution against assuming a private school will necessarily be better - it does sound like he is struggling but at this sort of age the private experience is broadly similar to the state experience (hence why so many private school parents do state until 8).

under normal circumstances the advice would be to check vision and check hearing. Glue ear is very common at this age and really does impact on kids ability to hear initial and final sounds and can really mean they struggle with phonics.

many have not had a proper vision test either and the real issue is they need glasses.

a move to private won’t fix either of those and you may as well get them checked out first.

if either of those is an issue fix that and then you may well find school work is a lot easier.

You would be far better off finding a local tutor who can make the learning fun, boost his confidence and develop his reading, writing and maths skills. Private school would be a lot more expensive and wouldn't necessarily help him catch up.

Private schools dont have magic wands. Obviously they vary hugely from the excellent to the dire. Good state school with experienced well trained teachers will outclass many a mediocre private school. Choose wisely if you go private.

My now 9yo struggled in Y1/2 a little, if you’re worried then go for tutoring first. Moving school is huge and might not be the fix you’re hoping it would be, they change so much throughout primary school.

I’m another one saying try a tutor first.
They will make more difference than a switch to private school at this age.
I got a tutor for my daughter when she was seven because she was also “bottom of the middle” (already at a private school) and it made a world of difference.
She once told me the tutor “saved” her.
We also did everything we could to help her at home. I definitely credit myself with being the one who taught her to read - she just flourished with one to one attention.
It turned out she had dyslexia with slow processing speed which accounted for at least some of her early difficulties and, just to reassure you, she went on to get A star, A star, A at A level in three demanding academic subjects.

I’m a teacher too. I wouldn’t move him if he’s happy. So many kids in our system struggle because they’re just too young to do more with reading than decoding, which is hard work and not much fun. Steiner schools say it’s when they lose their milk teeth that they’re ready to read, and that’s when formal education is introduced in many (most?) school systems.

Keep up reading stories with/to him so that he wants to read- rather than forcing him to read, it’s easy to put them off. Go easy on the pressure. Bake with him, offer sand and water play. Learning at this age should still be through play, that’s how they lay the foundations for maths and reading in more abstract contexts.

My dad couldn’t read until he was 10 but was a complete bookworm after that, he always had a book on the go, from Iain Banks to Haruki Murakami.l and everything in between.

Have faith. He’ll get there. He’s too little for this to be any kind of verdict on his ultimate abilities.

I think you’re right OP. For context, I went from a tiny public primary to boarding, DH went private until uni, and our kids went from public primaries to private secondaries, but we live overseas now where that’s quite common to be fair.

I’d start touring schools now with an eye to moving him after Christmas because they’re never going to be as flexible again, it’s quite a bit tougher if/when they’ve created a strong friendship group/involved in after school sports/band etc.

HOWEVER, I’d be super cautious with paying the lump sum at his age if there are financial penalties involved. At least give it a year at the usual fee structure until you know for a fact it’s going to work. I also wouldn’t have the slightest problem with moving him to another school if that one wasn’t working out for whatever reason. I’ve done that with my own kids, and I faced some very judgey/harsh criticism about ‘bouncing around schools’, incld DH initially, but my DC are happy kids, in great unis, and doing brilliantly so far 🙏

You sound sensible and caring, trying to figure out what to do for the best. Never forget YOU KNOW HIM BEST, so act accordingly (if it helps to hear that!)

Thanks all. It is a big worry, I must admit. I’m not going to move him yet but I do think I’ll consider it seriously if he does fail the phonics screening at the end of this year and he is a bit all over the place. I was reading with him just now and it often takes him so long to sound out a word and I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t know the sounds but the concentration just isn’t there! So it’ll be o <wriggle wriggle fidget wriggle> eventually ‘b’ <wriggle, yawn, look at the ceiling> ‘j’ <long pause> then shouts ‘E’ and then in a rush ‘c p’ (and the last letter is ‘t’. So by that time he’s no idea what the word says because we’ve been watching paint dry as he sounds it out. It’s frustrating as he knows them! But lacks that focus.

I am trying to stay as positive as possible but I’m conscious it’s becoming a vicious circle of negativity and I hate that

Are all private schools academic?

In fairness, that sounds normal for early y1?

We look at the pictures in her reading book, and then if there’s a word that’s repeated like “cat” instead of spelling it out, I’ll say “oh I think we read this word before, so you remember? What can you see in the picture?” And by the end of the week she can then read the words in that reading book by sight.

I would also say some children just don’t work well in “classroom” conditions - my yr1 child does better reading when we’re out and about, she’ll read signs off the cuff etc but she almost panics if you sit her down and put her under pressure.