To consider moving to private school because my 6 year old is doing ‘okay’?

[naturalstressor]

‘OK’ sort of sums it up. He’s ’in the middle, but towards the lower end of it.’ He’s getting a bit of extra support with phonics, maths is ‘OK’ and behaviour is good.

I do feel like he’s slumping behind a bit and keen to support him but I really am doing everything I can at home.

I am considering whether to move him to private school. It would be a huge financial burden but I really want to help him. I feel like he is underachieving but isn’t weak enough to warrant a lot of extra input.

Please don’t write him off academically yet! Boys especially can be slower to learn the basics. They are so young and we ask a lot of them. Keep on doing little bits with him and make sure he’s getting enough sleep etc.

I am not an advocate of private schooling. I think it’s unfair in an unfair world, but I accept that I am working in the state sector with the most disadvantaged kids so I accept I am skewed. However, if you feel in time that your child would be better off in a school where he will get more time, more holistic attention and more all-round education, then trust your gut. Children can be non academic but still have a fantastic education and learn loads. The two things don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

hand on heart, the state sector does not have enough time to maximise the talents of all of our children. We can’t push everyone as we would like to because we are so so stretched. Mostly this is ok, as most children thrive, but if your son doesn’t OP then make that choice. But, and it’s a big but, look for a school which is nurturing and looks at the whole child, not an exam factory. You don’t want to replace one issue with another.

@Longtimelurker1980 the whole point is that I’m not!

The ‘easy route’ for me would be to shrug and just let come what come may, maybe he’ll do well, maybe he won’t, either way, hey, he’s only six, he’s happy enough.

I am trying to be slightly more proactive than that. Moving schools (even if this was only one state school to another) is in many ways the nuclear option but I am worried and I can’t pretend I’m not.

Do you have a Kip McGrath centre near you?

We used them for DD for GCSE maths, but they tutor much younger children as well. We saw several from DD's old primary school while we were there.

I think we do but I am not sure how I feel about tutoring (which may seem contradictory!) But ds already has three activities after school and one on the weekend. I don’t know really. I feel like it might create more problems than it solves but I will look into it.

I think in regards to some of your points

Reading twice a week with an adult - push for more, sometimes you do have to be that parent and say you've identified he is behind, what extra reading sessions is he getting. Do they not do phonics groups daily?

Ask for a meeting with the senco and/or head of year. You dont have to just accept the 10 min parents evening. Say you are concerned and want to discuss this further. You want to know what we should be doing at home. Ask for reassurance that the current mixed Yr groups are not affecting him getting the reading time he should be.

You won’t know for many years if the financial sacrifice was worth it, if you are looking at it purely regarding exam results.

People can be as clever as you like but it’s more than that it’s the whole package. I have met many young people, I worked in Universities for getting close to 30 years. You could see who the movers and shakers in life were going to be. They were the personable ones, they could put people at ease, think very quickly and size up situations. They knew what to say and what not to say.

Four of the eleven children of my close friends were privately educated. One is doing very well. two are doing fine but are hardly going to shake up the world, one is not doing well at all but that’s not about results it’s about his objectionable personality.

The 3 of the 11 doing the best all got first class degrees, two of them went to a really quite dodgy state secondary school, the other a middling one. All doing very well with their careers and relationships.

In my personal experience, you end up with an average 10 year old. State school is unlikely to care because they are focused on the children who are struggling to do the basics. If I could go back, I would have transferred my average 6 year-old to private school or at least got a good tutor.

Thanks. I don’t really care if he shakes the world up but I don’t want a situation where he doesn’t have the basics.

I am unlikely to get much more out of his teacher than I already have: she’s a closed book for sure. The SENCO works at a number of different schools and DS won’t be in his radar because he doesn’t have SEN as such: a bit below average isn’t SEN. Ideally extra input at home would help but it hasn’t!

My dc also memorised school reading books.

i can understand why you are concerned. Little and often is generally the advice when it comes to phonics and reading.

not going to comment further on the schools issue but if you are looking for additional books to read with him then the reading chest might be useful.

https://readingchest.co.uk/

my dc also did wordshark

https://www.wordshark.co.uk/

I’ve signed up for reading chest and the books arrived Saturday. The levels don’t quite align with his reading scheme though which is frustrating - looks good though.

I guess realistically if I am honest with myself he is a long, long way from being able to sit and read independently and maybe that’s totally normal for this stage, I don’t know! Everything is so vague.

he is a long, long way from being able to sit and read independently

I thin k it is unrealistic to expect a 6 year old to read independently TBH.

DD didn't read independently until about the age of 8. She did well at GCSE and A level, first class STEM degree and a top student in her masters degree, so please don't worry.

@RampantIvy i don’t. This is the whole problem with this thread; people take one thing I’ve said and twist it and I am fed up of it. The whole sentence ends with and maybe that’s totally normal for this stage, I don’t know! Everything is so vague but of course that didn’t suit the selective quoting, did it?

Someone has to achieve in the middle. There's always someone in the middle of the class. I get that we'd all like our children to be at the top, but we can't all have that. Academic ability isn't evenly distributed. Academically smart parents sometimes have academically averagely kids. If you change the school you maybe get a few percentage points on standardized exams. But compared to their classmates they'll be a few percentage points lower (private school pupils are not randomly drawn from the academic distribution).

I think you also have to be mad to watch the progress AI has made in the last 5 years, and think that there isnt a large risk that in 12 years, when you're child is an adult, AI will be much smarter than the smartest people. I think straining yourself financially to gain a few percentage points in a game that might ultimately cease to matter isn't a good bet.

@naturalstressor you said you didn't know and I was just trying to support you by saying that it is unusual for 6 year olds to read independently.

You can absolutely push a kid up the ability levels the tricky bit it working out what is needed to do that ie what is stopping them making progress.

at this age for some it is glue ear (so hearing test) for some it is vision (so eye test) for others it is not enough practice (hence the advice to read every day).

beyond that you are into more complex issues and stuff like wordshark can help. My dc was assessed by an educational psychologist and the report was useful.

reading without an adult isn’t a terribly useful benchmark as some great readers don’t read in their own until quite late while some poor readers love looking at magazines and the like on their own.

With my daughter who had a slow start i think it was mainly a matter of holding our nerve. But also: removing the shame of not being able to read as well as elsome other people yet, ie telling stories how attitude and perseverance was the most important etc, funny tales of how I struggled at things as a child, as an adult, just last week etc. Focusing also on the maths that she was stronger at to give confidence overall that she was smart. Putting on alphablocks in the background, even the really basic sounds and saying I learnt to read differently so didnt understand phonics, could she teach me it. Just in case any of this is helpful!

Apologies, I was feeling defensive

@LiuBei I am not too bothered about his position in the class, but I do feel confused by the messages I get by the teacher. Middle is fine. But the impression is that he’s actually behind, which is different.

Hearing is a massive issue and one we’ve been trying to resolve for literally years without any success.

All in all banging heads against brick walls is definitely what’s been happening!

Hearing is a massive issue and one we’ve been trying to resolve for literally years without any success.

I'm not sure what you mean. Have you been unsuccessful in getting a hearing test, or does your child have hearing issues?

Is it worth being assessed for dyslexia?

I don’t think he’s dyslexic; he can recognise a number of words by sight but does make the odd mistake. You and they get mixed up (why??) and also no and on.

Hearing wise, DS has had repeated ear infections since he was a toddler which has impacted his hearing. Getting anyone to do anything about this is nigh on impossible. We’re under yet another consultant now. In all honesty I can’t see anyone doing anything about it.

6 is still young, in many countries they haven't yet started formal schooling. And, yes, as a parent, grandparent and teacher I will say that what a child can do at 6 is not necessarily an indicator of future success. He is getting support at school so if he is happy then leave him there.

I don't really think there is such a thing as "behind". Is one place below the middle behind? Academic achievement is a spectrum - it's not buckets of "ahead," "behind" and "on track".

Maybe you'd find it useful to press the teacher on actual numbers. "Is he in the bottom quartile" would feel more precise to me?

I also think it's worth being realistic about how much a private school can reasonably help.

I know that my input is unappreciated by the OP in spite of much professional experience in this, but here goes! ........

When one of my now adult children was at roughly the same stage we moved her to a private school as we could she she was struggling with the academic side and we thought she might benefit from a smaller class and more individual attention.

What we failed to prioritise as we should have done was that she was HAPPY where she was.

The private school was full of academically inclined pupils (including her own sister) who took priority because these are the children that bring glory on the school and pull in the punters and fill their coffers.

It was a disaster - she was utterly miserable and we spent the rest of her school career picking up the pieces and rebuilding her self-confidence.

Now I am not saying that this is what would happen to the OP's child but it is a very important consideration and means that selection of any private school needs to delve closely into how a child who is not meeting the (totally meaningless in my view) arbitrary standards set for their age group is treated/helped, and what that child might feel if they can see they are not making the grade for that school or matching up to their peers. You need to find a school that will take all this into account and that values every child regardless of their achievement levels. Hopefully there are such private schools around but as the battle to maintain their incomes becomes more challenging their target market (because they are businesses) will be wanting academic results.

The variation in ability and speed of development is massive at 6. Some can barely sit on a chair or concentrate, some are racing on academically.

I think that considerations of achievement at the top end of schooling needs to be off the agenda at this stage and that children just need to be given time to bed in to the world of learning and learn the basics at their own rate and with the right input (which his school is providing).

@Mischance it isn’t that it isn’t appreciated, it’s just you’re starting a discussion I don’t really want. My main concern is simply that if he doesn’t have the basics future learning is going to be very challenging and I don’t want that for him. Wider discussions about age appropriate expectations and school age are welcome sure but it’s not what I’m about today.

Unfortunately, this is exactly what it’s like in terms of hard data. We assess who is below, at and above age related expectations. So while I entirely agree with you in principle, we do terrify parents when we tell them their children are ‘below’ where they should be whe n compared to national and class averages. If I were told that, I too would be worried, but I think if both school and home are putting in the support around early learning, then children should develop over time and with patience.

He's six. Progress comes in fits and starts at that age. I wouldn't be uprooting him just yet. As long as you are spending time reading with him at home and doing activities to support him, wait a bit longer.

Watch TV with subtitles on too, as it will help his whole word recognition to see them as they are being said. Ask him to find signs for things when out, like 'shall we look at the toys, look there are the signs, can you see one that says Toys?'