To consider moving to private school because my 6 year old is doing ‘okay’?

[naturalstressor]

‘OK’ sort of sums it up. He’s ’in the middle, but towards the lower end of it.’ He’s getting a bit of extra support with phonics, maths is ‘OK’ and behaviour is good.

I do feel like he’s slumping behind a bit and keen to support him but I really am doing everything I can at home.

I am considering whether to move him to private school. It would be a huge financial burden but I really want to help him. I feel like he is underachieving but isn’t weak enough to warrant a lot of extra input.

@Nottodaythankyou123 i hope so! The impression I’m always left with when I come out of parents evening is that he’s really lagging behind but music to my

Are there short term memory issues as well - as sounds like DS.

He and DD2 as well need a lot more practise with things like maths realtionships - bonds time tables - but once they learnt them they remained super fast.

DS the sound foundation flash cards massively helped - he knew the sounds but wasn't fast with them - so they helped build needed speed. You do so many till it's instant recall remove and next sound at start of each ten minute lesson - tended to be fun. He also struggled with blending - their tip of shouting also massively helped.

A PP mentioned getting eye and hearing tested - if not done worth doing. With DS there was glue ear issues but I think poor short term memory was looking like lack of focus.

Move them if you can. Any child that's doing ok will be seen as a relief for teachers too stressed and too stretched by too many children that have issues - whether it be SEND or emotional issues or private issues or whatever. Private schools have the capacity to stretch kids. Wouldn't do anything else.

You sound like a very supportive and invested mum.
However, I think you might need to accept that if your son is still just doing "okay" or "under achieving for his age" with intervention, that might just be where he naturally falls. I don't think its the case that every child who is average or below is only there because of lack of support.
Try to be a little more accepting of where he is and not push him too hard to be "better" as it could backfire.

@SplishSplash123 All this "accepting" is great until they do nothing, live at home at 30 and can't get a job cos they are too scared.

So why not push as long as it's towards what they want to to (as opposed to what you want for them)? I have a child with SEND. They have a very specific aim in life regarding career. My job is to get them there.

For clarification I don't need to live vicariously through any of my children. My life is pretty peachy. But getting him to where he wants to be means he has a happy life. So short term pain for DH and myself is long term gain that we know they will have a good life.

And how is the mum of a 6 year old meant to know what her child wants to do yet?!

Don't really know why you've jumped on my comment, twisted the meaning and used it as a platform to broadcast what a great mum you are...but hope it made you happy to sing your own praises.

I think I have a middle ground with the two above arguments. I am totally happy to accept academics may not be his thing (may being the operative word before I’m jumped on!) and his strengths could lie in other areas and I’ll be proud of whatever he achieves.

But he does need to be able to read to a decent standard. Everything else can take a back seat but reading is so important I can’t overlook it.

@SplishSplash123 Nope don’t believe I am a ‘great mum’. I am frustrated and uptight and often banging my head against a brick wall. My husband is a much better dad than I am mum. BUT your response was just casual. Sorry. ‘Accepting’ and ‘just where he falls’. Fine. But accept what that brings in the future. And trust me I am no tiger mum. I only want for my kids want for my kids what they want for themselves. But that I will help help with endlessly.

My (Early September born!) DS was doing just 'okay' at 6. In fact, he was at the lower end of average all the way through primary school. He was well behaved, and fitted in well with his peers, but definitely didn't shine academically.

I'm still not entirely sure how this happened but, at secondary school, he just flew. He got off to a good start, despite knowing no-one, and by Y8/9, he'd become one of the high achievers in his year group.
He finished Sixth Form in the summer there with AAA, and is off to Uni next year.

State school all the way through.

Why not give it another year? He may be still settling into school.

Your private school sounds absolutely awful but they are not all like that.
I am sure your advice is very good in general though.

I hear you.

My three are in a private prep.
Yr 7, 4, 4.
Eldest v middle of the road in reception through to year 4. We moved her from state at end of year 1. I couldn’t gauge if she was genuinely average or just not meeting her full potential in state school. The twins have been in private since nursery and they are both academically strong.
Gradually from Year 4 on, she has started to climb upwards and is now top set for everything and doing well.
Do I think this is all due to private school? Absolutely not. I’ve worked my balls off to ensure she keeps up, done countless maths online courses with her, written mock tests, read to her every night and bought so many books until I found ones that interested her.
Genuinely, if I had my time again, I would have kept in state for a little while longer. I’d be as proactive with her learning as I’ve been and offload some of it onto a tutor. I’d ensure she still did all the sports she enjoys out of school and also an instrument.
What I think private has done for her is it has surrounded her with bright kids who all want to do well and all of her friends work hard out of school, supported by engaged parents. This definitely rubs off on them. Private has also given her confidence, she has so many opportunities and she believes she can achieve highly which is the most important thing imo.
It’s impossible to advise you as I don’t know what your son’s current school cohort is like but if the families are engaged and hence the kids are likely to be, I’d do plenty of support at home as you are doing (look at reading eggs and maths factor), get him into swimming/football/cricket/rugby, an instrument (sport and music can massively bring on academics, esp swimming) and get some fun tutoring to supplement. I’d then look at his ongoing progress over the next two academic years and reassess then.

You’re not crazy, pushy or anything else that’s being insinuated unkindly, you sound like a lovely mum who just wants their kid to reach his full potential.

@3weeksuntilwine obviously physical exercise is essential for any child to flourish, but I was interested you said ‘especially swimming’. Is there something particularly special about swimming you know of?

https://www.schoolinthepool.ca/splash-and-learn-how-swimming-can-improve-academic-performance/
I found this - it mentions a protein called BDNF which is a really interesting topic to rabbit hole if you fancy that this late! Most research is via observational studies but I find it all fascinating. Regardless, when my twins are swimming, they’re not asking for iPads which is a win for me!
Like you say, any exercise is great for kids, I strongly encourage it with all of mine as can see the benefits in them day to day in terms of their mood/wellbeing, far more important than the academics.

Honestly, so many kids aren’t developmentally ready to read (as opposed to decoding) until they’re 7. There are excellent reasons why many or most countries with good educational outcomes don’t start formalised teaching until that age. Please don’t worry yet: keep reading with him, invite participation rather than pushing on with the s-l-o-w decoding you described, that’s soul destroying and will do far more harm than letting him continue to enjoy books without pressure.

It is now October, and there are quite a lot of months between now and the phonics test at the end of the year. Children change a huge amount over that period.

Can he actually recognise some words and read them without sounding them out first? If he is struggling with the phonics aspect, could it be that he just hasn't made the link between the individual letters + sounds he's sounding out actually making a real word with meaning? Maybe that penny just hasn't dropped yet. I am not (and have never been) a fan of phonics. It is all very well being able to sound out a series of letters, but if you can't then extrapolate that information into a word you can understand and know the meaning of, what's the point?

Show him a picture of a car with the word 'car' underneath it, and I bet he could guess what the word says without sounding it out, and understand what it means. If he sees it a few times, he will remember it and won't 'need' to sound it out first. Maybe he just needs to learn the shape of the entire word as a whole first, and then make the link with phonics afterwards?

Point to a sentence. Presumably there will be a massive clue picture with it, so discuss the picture. Read the whole sentence out loud, then get him to say it out loud with you as your finger follows the words. Confirm that what you both just said agrees with the picture. Then pick one word and sound it out yourself, then he can copy you.

At the moment, sounding out words is frustrating & demoralising for him, and excruciating for you. Carry on like that for any length of time, and he'll be put off reading for life.

My response was not casual, you have just failed to appreciate the point I was making. I was pointing out that pushing a child beyond their capabilities can have unintended consequences. I'm not bothering explaining further to you as I can see from OPs responses that she is not intending to push her child beyond his academic capabilities.

Thanks all. I’m really grateful for the kinder tone of the replies.

@peckishcats the reading scheme he follows explicitly says not to guess. He can decode words like car easily enough: the problems are when he has to decode longer or unfamiliar words. He also makes a lot of silly mistakes although I am fairly sure that’s rooted in attitudinal reasons rather than lack of ability. He tends to memorise the reading books that he brings home from school quite quickly so doesn’t ’read’ them. I have a selection I’ve bought so that he isn’t always reading the same one but he still memorises them, but it isn’t precise, so he’ll remember the word ‘moan’ is in there somewhere and say ‘the moan is shining’ even though that obviously makes no sense! Also gets on and no mixed up but no other signs of dyslexia. It could be normal; hope so. But hearing he isn’t on track to pass did concern a lot. And bear in mind that in the context of a lot of work.

@3weeksuntilwine thanks for that. I won’t be doing anything hasty, it’s just I’m getting such a negative feeling from current school I have to admit it is getting me down a bit!

How do you know he's slumping behind?

Hi, my son is in year 2 and has struggled throughout year 1, they gave him extra phonics help 1:1 five minutes daily after I pushed for it after the autumn parents evening. We had a review end of year 1 and he had made progress, passed his screening etc. There are still concerns he is finding things hard, struggles to focus and is slow with the blending still. I asked about tutoring and the school senco said its probably a waste of money at this point as its all stuff you can do at home, just keep reading and trying to make it fun and everyday use so he sees why we need to learn to read. She said usually by end of year 2 all the learning comes together and if they are still struggling then they will do dylexia and other screening assessments but she said it is common for children to take a while and not to stress. It sounds like it may be worth trying to just keep going, see how he is at the next parent meeting and perhaps ask for a review from the senco as the next step? Everyone saying "hes 6!" Isn't helpful. I felt exactly the same as you this time last year. You just want the best for your kid and I agree with you, I feel the same reading helps with all aspects of learning. Yet often kids who aren't "bad enough" or dont "misbehave" slip through the net.

I agree I don't see how you think a move elsewhere will be a miracle cure.

People on here have given you some sound advice. Try these things first.

And remember he is 6.
X

Absolutely.
X

How does he do when you do these things? Does he manage to answer the questions etc?

Well perhaps the reading scheme he is on is not the right reading scheme for him. One size does not fit all.

So

1. I’ve explained the reading in the post above. He tries to memorise, struggles with unfamiliar or longer words but I would say most digraphs and sounds are reasonably secure. But he is very easily distracted.
2. He wouldn’t be able to write a diary or story.
3. Maths is OK - he can complete the activities but needs us to read the questions to him. Makes the odd mistake through carelessness.

It isn’t that I think private school will be a ‘miracle cure’ but from my point of view, I’m working with him at home and yet he still isn’t really progressing very well at school.

What I want for him ideally is

• a calm atmosphere. I am conscious the current reception class is quite a challenging cohort (it’s a mixed reception / Y1.)
• lots of teacher input. He only reads to a member of staff twice a week at school, for instance, which doesn’t seem to be very much.
• more communication. Twice a year I’m told he’s behind and isn’t where he should be but in brief ten minute conversations which tbh always leave me feeling a bit confused and upset.

I did have a lot of faith in the school to start with but I am losing it a bit now. I felt a bit dejected when I came out and I realised that’s always how I feel when I come out of parents evenings. Even the nice things are a bit damned with faint praise!