To consider moving to private school because my 6 year old is doing ‘okay’?

[naturalstressor]

‘OK’ sort of sums it up. He’s ’in the middle, but towards the lower end of it.’ He’s getting a bit of extra support with phonics, maths is ‘OK’ and behaviour is good.

I do feel like he’s slumping behind a bit and keen to support him but I really am doing everything I can at home.

I am considering whether to move him to private school. It would be a huge financial burden but I really want to help him. I feel like he is underachieving but isn’t weak enough to warrant a lot of extra input.

I have a 6 yo. You don't need to move to private. The amount of work they do in the school day is pretty minimal. You read with him 20 mins a day, do maths 10 mins a day before or after school (we do number bonds, times tables on the school run, we do money maths with pocket money, ask him time questions randomly) and ask him to write a diary or a story at home so his writing develops. School, whether private or state, do about 60% of the work for academics in my experience. You need to provide the scaffolding around it to boost it to 100%

There are some really good tutors for younger kids so I'd certainly try that before the huge commitment of private school. Lots of them make it fun, but can make a big difference.

I asked, I didn’t ask to be sworn at or insulted. I don’t mind at all people saying (and thanks to those who have!) to chill out a bit. But it’s also not all that reassuring when I’m being told he’s underachieving. I think most parents would want to help in those circumstances.

Thanks. I’ll look into it.

I am literally doing all that except for the times tables (hasn’t done them yet)

I cannot do much more.

Then it'll come..or you are in a cohort of tiger mums and you'll have to up your game. I don't think private will solve this.

Also you don't wait for them to do timetables. I think that's my point. You read until he's a free reader regardless of what school say about his band. You work on maths so he's ahead of what he needs to be. My ds knows all his times tables, but I don't think they've done more than 2 and 5 at school.

Quite possibly, especially if they are summer born.

DC1 was somewhere around the lower end of middle at that age but got 4x Astar at A-Level. Their academic strength started becoming much more obvious in year 6, at age 10 (birthday in summer holidays).

You asked if a child can be ok/a bit behind and then move to greater depth.
The answer - especially with boys is yes absolutely!
Nephew, bit behind at 6 now about to complete a Maths degree with a first.
My boys....didnt read....struggling a bit at 6 GD at key stage 2 SATS and both in Grammar school.
6 for boys IS emotionally very young.
Give them access to fun learning forums (reading eggs/maths seeds - teach your monster to read) and let them develop! Do not compare to girls 😂

My eldest child was relatively slow to get on with reading and writing despite us being very much a book household. It’s really true that some children, and perhaps boys in particular, are a bit slower to mature.

I would suggest that you put all your efforts into supporting him at home whilst keeping it fun, looking at some very gentle extra tuition and watching how that teacher works with him so you can emulate that.

Only you and his teacher can assess whether there is a problem here or he will suddenly click with academic work. Or, indeed if he just is indeed an average pupil.

FWIW my own son did catch up without any intervention and went on to achieve very highly indeed. I would not have predicted that at the age of 6.

It’s strange that you’re considering a move to private school which would be a stretch financially but say that the idea of getting a tutor is overkill!

He’s 6, and doing ok. He’s in the middle of the class. Basic maths tells us that a few will be at the top, a few at the bottom and most will be somewhere in the middle. I wouldn’t rush to private school which will affect the whole family for many years with the financial implications.

It’s really worth looking at tutoring if you’re concerned. A good tutor will do an initial session and can give you feedback about his gaps and where he might need support. In my experience having an hour of undivided time, once a week, adapted to my child’s learning style made a world of difference. That’s where I’d start.

Has the teacher actually told you he’s underachieving though? Or is that how you interpreted it?

Have you even considered the possibility that he might simply not be an academic child?

My 6 years olds were no longer struggling at 10 but they had a lot of home support - little often and very targeted to them.

It does take a long time to catch up - one had awful year and basially made no progress anywhere took a really good teacher and about 18 months of little and often at home to get back to where they were - then we kept up at home and they did end up far ahead in end. They were summer born but also SEN/ND as well.

Smaller classes would likely be a benefit just depends on how much of a stretch it is for you financially TBH.

@VioletsTale in some areas. He is underachieving in phonics and maths: obviously pretty important!

I’ll look into tutors. I didn’t realise ones for children so young were available.

Thanks @MatildaTheCat 🤞🏼 hope so.

If he gets into a private school there is no guarantee that he will improve and you will be faced with spending a fortune until he's 16. If it's selective he may not get in or may be booted out in future years because he'll pull their exam average down. Private schools are not a magic bullet. Your child has to have some aptitude/ you have to be happy that he'll have a 'better' experience but will still be exactly the same academically as he is in state school. Can you afford thousands and thousands in fees/ uniform/ kits/ trips/ equipment

It would be a stretch. I have access to an inheritance I was going to use to pay for senior school in one go (and get a discount!) but am willing to do this early if it will help him.

It’s all very well people shouting that he’s six, but if he isn’t getting the basics in reading and maths that’s just storing problems for the future. If his reading is difficult age six I don’t magically see it improving age twelve but like I say maybe I’m wrong.

If he's already getting extra help at school and extra help from you but he's still lagging behind, how is throwing money at it going to help?

My son has had a private tutor from year 3 onwards. I wouldn't switch to the huge financial millstone that is private school on doing okay.

It isn’t ’throwing money.’ It’s just trying to get him extra support.

He gets some extra support at school but nothing like the input he’d get at private school. I am saying that while acknowledging that you may be right; he may just not be an academic type. But he will need English and maths, there’s no real way of getting round that.

Underachieving in the sense he’s not meeting your expectations of his academic performance or underachieving in the sense the school thinks he’s doing his best but not meeting age expectations? You previously said he was ok at maths - how’s that underachieving?

Phonics is fairly easily taught and practiced at home. If you’re doing loads of practice and reading to him then I’m not sure what you think a private school is going to do differently for a child who’s already receiving what sounds like a lot of phonics input. I go back to, it sounds like he might just be achieving what he’s capable of at the moment.

I think it also depends on the private schools- where I live they’re mostly pushy, academic and selective from preschool age. I wouldn’t send a struggling child, partly because they wouldn’t be accepted in, partly they’d be surrounded by kids doing better than them which knocks their confidence and partly because such schools are rarely geared up for struggling children and SEN. If you have a more nurturing option that is less selective then maybe they would work. I personally wouldn’t spend a six figure sum on it but people do.

He's only 6.

Even without the extra school support you could give him enough support to improve.

If he's not improving, no private school is going to make a magical difference.

I'd say differently if he was older than six but this is all very basic stuff he's getting extra help with.

What is the measurement the school are using? Do they do assessments or is it teacher judgement?

Who has actually told you he is underachieving?

I think that if you can't easily afford private school then don't. It will cripple you financially and isn't magic bullet

Keep going as you are. It sounds fairly typical for a 6 year old to be honest.

Our DD really strugged at age 6, reading and maths dont come easily to her. We ended up getting her a tutor once a week which really helped her confidence. She is doing so much better a year later we don't need it. Maybe start there?

Try a tutor first - cheaper and less disruptive option.

Phonics look at dancing bears ten minutes every day and fun things like Teach your monster how to read.

I'd look at extra support now but I'm not sure I'd jump to private yet TBH.