To consider moving to private school because my 6 year old is doing ‘okay’?

[naturalstressor]

‘OK’ sort of sums it up. He’s ’in the middle, but towards the lower end of it.’ He’s getting a bit of extra support with phonics, maths is ‘OK’ and behaviour is good.

I do feel like he’s slumping behind a bit and keen to support him but I really am doing everything I can at home.

I am considering whether to move him to private school. It would be a huge financial burden but I really want to help him. I feel like he is underachieving but isn’t weak enough to warrant a lot of extra input.

@FroggyThroat you paid for private school & tutored from yr 5 to A-Level?!

Yes, because the private school (a well known reputable one) was not pulling their weight and the teachers didn't give a sh!t.

Wowsers, did you not consider moving eg at secondary?

Moved back to the UK. First 2 junior schools rejected my eldest as had no places, and only a failing one would take him so I put him in private and wouldn't just do it for one of them.

Applied to the local secondary state school for my eldest. Despite buying a house in catchment they moved the boundaries and he was rejected and he got offered his 4th choice of secondary so I left him in the private school. He wanted to stay at the 6th form and I was OK with that as he had a number of scholarships and discounts off the fees. Second child wanted to leave and go local so we applied and he got into the 6th form.

I don't regret it as they liked it there and had a good time, but the teachers had zero interest in the kids and I am not one to put all my trust in someone else WRT my DC. When I saw that my DC were being predicted some 8's and a few 7's I thought nah...this isn't right, and I was right as a bit of extra help just before their GCSE's in French/ Spanish or English Lit took a 7 to a 9.

I have a dyslexic child and so I have spent a lot of time supporting him at home. In year 1 we had a reading eggs subscription which really helped with phonics, lots of repetitive practice. It was very effective and he passed his phonics test! We also went to library regularly, and picked fun books to foster a lovely of reading. We also played games with a maths and spelling element such as Orchard Games ones. In the holidays we did The Maths Factor and he became an absolute maths whizz which gave him great self esteem despite struggling with handwriting and spelling.
We did a bit of practice every night, had a reward chart and bought a huge Lego set. At different stages in the reward chart we made some of the Lego set together. Lots of fuss for trying rather than getting things right and plenty of time outside, and playing to balance out the school work.
We did choose private school for senior school, it was a big financial burden, and it wasn't an expensive one, but it made a big difference come the GCSE years with the smaller classes.
He's still a focused hard worker at uni, and doing really well.
Find what your child is good at, and make learning fun.

When is his birthday? September babies will be doing much better at age 6 than the june, july, August kids. The difference reduces over time.

Hi OP. People on here talk about 'private school' as if they're all one and the same. They really are not!

Have you looked into any of your local options? Independent schools will vary hugely in ethos. Some will be sleepy, non-pushy schools and there will be a lot of marketing about 'celebrating the rounded child' etc etc. This type of school may be a 'through school' where they can stay until 16 or 18 - a.k.a a school that doesn't prepare them for 7 plus, 11 plus or 13 plus exams at more competitive schools because their business model relies on not losing children at secondary level.

Other schools will be exam factories whose reputations stand or fall on the percentage they get into elite senior schools. Some more rural private schools may subtly steer them towards boarding at 11 or 13. If you're in London, preps can be very intense and it's all about getting them into St Paul's or G&L etc. Also, the preps themselves are highly selective by exams and interviews - there are schools around here that test them at 4, and interview them, and only about 10% get in.

Even in a 'mid' prep in a less hyped-up area, don't assume the SEN or additional support will be any good. You have to really examine what is on offer at the individual school. Look beyond the marketing and the facilities. For instance, one of mine went to a school where there were 10 in a class but the teaching was shocking and they abolished individual SEN altogether. This DS was dyslexic and the private school did NOTHING for him. I had to get tutors. But another independent school my other DC was in was absolutely amazing for a whole range of children - from those needing support to the most academic. Basically, if you're thinking private, it could be worth every penny, but really do your 'homework' and don't assume support will be better just because you are paying fees.

Blimey give him a bit longer before you tear him out of somewhere that he is settled at. He's only 6

My point wasn’t that you’re disappointed or angry with your son - you’re clearly not. My point was I don’t understand why you’re disappointed in the school or why you think private school will improve things.

End of the day, you asked for opinions. I’m not sure why you’re taking them quite so badly, but I hope you get the input you’re looking for.

My DD was in a special group in year 1 for kids who needed extra help. She left year 11 with 12 x grade 9’s (state). You’d be better doing more at home with him if you don’t want him in mid - lower. I’d say its very early days and stupid to put yourself in financial hardship.

If you were planning to go down that route anyway and he’s actually not very academic (which is fine, to be clear - every child is different) then do bear in mind it’s much, much easier to get in at 6.

Pick a through school so it doesn’t matter how well he performs later on to access the senior school

Jesus. Let him be a kid and discover joy in life and his friends.

You can’t afford it. There’s your answer.

Oh! Dear. Childhood and there is anxiety. Will there ever be a time when children are allowed to do their best with some help where needed without pressure to succeed piled on them. The thing is it continues right through the school years and then some more. Children are often worried instead of happy. What a shame!

What has happened to you @Didimum ?

You never used to be this bloody rude. And you really are.

The truth is that some children aren't able to 'catch up'. Not saying of course that this is the case with your son, but there is a reason why GCSEs and other qualifications are graded.

That is one consideration, I must admit. Once he’s in, he’s in, whereas if he’s tested at eleven he may not get in (of course he also may.)

It’s a tough one. My main concern is the areas he’s been identified as behind in are so crucial to everything else: reading and maths. If it was spelling or something I wouldn’t be overly concerned but if he struggles with reading then everything is going to be a struggle, even in a non academic sense.

Of course, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t at least try to close the gap!

Some kids are just slow starters and need a bit of time but then they surge ahead

Get him a tutor first and see if that has an impact

@naturalstressorwe moved our DS to a private school when he was 5. He was really struggling with reading and was below natural average. The school at the time told us it would be fine he’d catch up by the time he went to senior school - it wasn’t quite what we wanted to hear particularly as we had suspicions he was dyslexic. The school told us they didn’t think he was. There were other reasons we moved him which are probably not relevant but were important to us.

Other posters are right not all private schools are the same and if you are seriously considering take the time to look around and ask lots of questions. Make sure it is the right school for him.

The school we ended up choosing for our DS has been wonderful and he’s incredibly happy nearly four years later. We didn’t chose an overly academically focused school but rather a good all rounder that has provided the support he needed with reading and writing. Turns out he is dyslexic so I’m glad I listened to my instincts. Also not overly snobby with a real mix of families. My DS has quite a love for drama and the school has a lot of performing arts extra curricular options which he loves.

For my DS it’s been great but I’m sure it won’t be for everyone. It’s not cheap and certainly won’t get any cheaper so I really would urge to consider whether you’re prepared for not just the cost now but up through senior school. Also the extras….the fees don’t always include everything such as uniform.

Do what’s right for you and your family 😀

Because your little boy sounds like a perfectly normal kid and he’s only 6. You sound disappointed in him. I am really surprised by that, rather than intending to be rude.

And because I think making a completely unnecessary choice that would throw you into an insecure and stressful financial situation is really silly. I hope you found that less rude.

Boys do struggle a bit when younger and he may be just ok all his life. And thats ok also

How is his listening? Can he listen to and follow instructions? Some children can miss so much of the actual teaching because as soon as they are supposed to be listening, they zone out and wonder if now is a good time to ask if they can get a drink.

I agree with the “only 6” team. He’s going to gain strengths in areas you can’t know about right now and resilience is really important. If he’s okay and he’s happy, you can’t ask for much more. You sound very supportive, so he will be just fine.

The 3 private school near us would not take “ok”. They would take top of state school kids only with a reference from the school.